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Engagement gift.

(56 Posts)
Cravey Fri 14-Feb-14 16:26:37

Going to a party tomorrow. Lovely couple. No gift list. Spoke to the chap and asked what they would like. He replies a new bed. So monetary gift towards that. Ok that's fine but how much do I give ? We are not close as such. These sort of things really stress me out. My husband says a card and fifty pound should do it. Does that sound right ?

dannydyerismydad Fri 14-Feb-14 16:27:21

That sounds more than generous to me.

jacks365 Fri 14-Feb-14 16:29:35

It's more than I would give or spend for an engagement.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 14-Feb-14 16:30:05

That sounds a lot to me.
I gave my neice a �50 gift.
If it was just a 'not very close' friend than I'd do �20-30 to be honest.
They will appreciate what ever you to give as every little helps!

hellsbellsmelons Fri 14-Feb-14 16:30:36

What's with these GBP signs today???

Cravey Fri 14-Feb-14 16:32:31

See I thought that was a lot. He says no. So i think put 30 in the card maybe. I never have a clue what to give. Thanks guys.

TheListingAttic Fri 14-Feb-14 16:33:52

Engagement gift? Does that get you out of a wedding present?

CashmereMouse Fri 14-Feb-14 16:36:09

An engagement gift as well as a wedding present??? What is the world coming to??

Sorry, that just seems so grabby to me. We didn't have an engagement party, but if we had then there is no way I would have asked, or allowed, engagement presents.

Wedding gifts are fair enough, but engagement presents? Whole 'nother kettle of fish.

Come to think of it, the engagement parties I've attended have been informal shindigs with no presents asked for, required or expected.

£50 would be considered very generous as a wedding present, let alone an engagement present (and I have some friends who are very wealthy, and they would be of the same mind).

Pobblewhohasnotoes Fri 14-Feb-14 16:37:39

People ask for engagement gifts? Really??

CashmereMouse Fri 14-Feb-14 16:37:43

If I felt I needed to take somehting, then I would take a batch of homemade brownies or such like. Much more affordable, and thoughtful too.

Not implying that isn't thoughtful, but you know what I mean.

HappyAsEyeAm Fri 14-Feb-14 16:37:53

I would put the equivalent of what you would have paid for a gift. You thought they might have a gift list or similar - what would you ave been prepared to spend on a gift from that list? In the region of what? There is your answer.

Cravey Fri 14-Feb-14 16:38:43

So is this not the done thing then ? I thought it was just normal, but then I've not been to an engagement party for years. Now I'm kind of thinking yes that's right, they will be getting two gifts. So maybe knock it down to 20.

Twooter Fri 14-Feb-14 16:38:49

Why didn't you just turn up to the party with a bottle and flowers?

overmydeadbody Fri 14-Feb-14 16:43:31

So they didn't ask for gifts but you asked what they would like and he said "a bed"? I would assume he was joking in that case and bring a bottle, some flowers and a card to the party.

If someone I didn't know very well gave me £50 as an engagement present I would feel very embarassed.

Cravey Fri 14-Feb-14 16:46:29

I thought about a bottle of nice champers, but the chap said oh we need a new bed. But now the more I think about it the more I'm thinking hang on they have a home and have lived together for years. So maybe a nice bottle would do it ?

Joysmum Fri 14-Feb-14 16:56:11

I've never known anyone ask for engagement gifts before? I would do £20 as that's what I'd spend on my family who I'm not particularly close to but close enough to do something for birthdays.

Cravey Fri 14-Feb-14 16:58:22

Right then bugger it. A nice bottle of fizz, a nice card and a drink at the party will do it I think. Thanks for your help. I'm shocked actually at the fact that it doesn't seem to be the done thing to ask for gifts.

Twooter Fri 14-Feb-14 17:01:06

Most people get married after an engagement though, so expect the gifts then.

Birdsgottafly Fri 14-Feb-14 17:03:17

Why turn up to someone's party, with a gift that you know the couple won't necessarily want?

I would usually give around £20 each, so if I am in a partnership, £40.

If you are invited to a celebration you take a present, if you know what they want, you give that, or you obviously don't like them and wish them well, so don't go.

PavlovtheCat Fri 14-Feb-14 17:07:06

Engagement gift? shock £50 ? <faints clean away> how much will you give for the wedding present? Honestly, that's insane. I never even thought to ask/expect an engagement present. We got bought a couple of bottles of champagne by our closet friends and that w, we thought, a lovely surprise, not expected at all.

Minnieisthedevilmouse Fri 14-Feb-14 17:07:55


Cravey Fri 14-Feb-14 17:09:59

Pavlov I think we would hope they would have a gift list and get something from that for the wedding. I get slightly stressed about the gift thing for weddings. So much prefer a list. I'm deffo going for the bottle of fizz though I think. They can have it to themselves then when they choose.

Kundry Fri 14-Feb-14 17:50:28

WTF is an engagement gift? If they want to have a party that's lovely but a gift???

I really messed up my engagement then, no-one gave me any gifts and I had no idea I was supposed to get any.

Turning up to the party with a bottle of wine is fine. Them asking for anything else is grabby.

sparechange Fri 14-Feb-14 18:02:26

I have never, ever heard of anyone asking for engagement gifts. When we got engaged, we had a bit of a party and a few people turned up with a bottle or a photo frame or a similar, but I would have been mortified if anyone gave us cash or a high-value present.

Save that for the actual wedding! (And I agree on gift lists - they are a total godsend and the MN hysteria always baffles me)

PurplePidjin Fri 14-Feb-14 18:17:05

MIL wants to throw us an engagement party and I wondered about this. TBH, I don't want the hassle of a lot of gifts, we have a small house and everything we need already. It's one of the reasons why we're having a small wedding of just family and close friends (if I do a church wedding it'll involve half the local community, I think that's why she wants to have a big engagement party!)

I'd be grateful you had even thought about it and appreciate £5-10 just as much as £50. So it depends on how much you can spare at the moment.

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