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Antenatal depression: please tell us why you're smiling today.

(28 Posts)
Jolleigh Fri 14-Feb-14 00:44:55

I'm 34 weeks pregnant with my first baby and have been suffering from antenatal depression. Some hours are darker than others. I'm normally a very happy person and though this is often a great comfort to me, sometimes it feels like a curse because I've never really had to cope with being this low so don't know how.

The thing is, I've seen people saying similar things to me, feeling the same way, needing support, just needing something to make them smile.

Would I be cheeky to ask that you tell us something to make us smile? It doesn't have to be huge...just something nice that happened to you recently, a funny joke, something cute your DC said, something we can look forward to as parents, anything!

Thank you to anyone kind enough to contribute.

ChaosTrulyReigns Fri 14-Feb-14 00:49:14

The sponataneous, unsolicited hugs and kisses from the DC.

Such a tiny thing, but manalive, it makes it All Worthwhile! Just to hold them, and smell them, and try to imprint the moment into your brain, is beyond words.

Hang on in there. There'll be an amazing bundle in your arms

birthdaypanic Fri 14-Feb-14 00:55:23

So sorry that you feel like this, my dd suffered pnd and still suffers depression I know how hard it is. Your baby will give you so much pleasure that I'm sure will help.

My dgs and his mummy (my dd) live with us and a couple of weeks ago he was in the lounge with the door shut and I was in the dining room suddenly he opens the door shouts love you Nana and shut the door again, it was a priceless moment that I will always treasure and every time I think about it I smile.

DoJo Fri 14-Feb-14 01:06:50

Well, if it helps:

Recently my husband spent a considerable length of time (think hours, spread over a couple of days) trying to teach my son to say 'Silly mama' (because he is THAT hilarious!). Despite his best attempts, every time he tried to prompt him to say it, he would only say 'silly papa'. We both laughed so much, that he now says 'silly papa' at almost any provocation, particularly if he thinks he might be in trouble, which is making it almost impossible to impose any kind of discipline in this house at the moment!

FirstStopCafe Fri 14-Feb-14 01:37:08

Sorry you feel so bad

My ds is 11 months old. Today he fed me some of his tea for the first time. He loves his food so this made me feel very special indeed

NinjaCow Fri 14-Feb-14 02:39:57

Sorry you are feeling so bad. I haven't experienced antenatal depression, but I have depression (am on citalopram).

Today, DD got very angry at her teddy bear and stood up to her full 3yo height, told it off and sentenced it to death as punishment. hmm grin

Today in Tesco, I saw a little boy give his mum a Valentines card and tell her that he loves her, like it said on the card.

Little hugs and kisses. I look after my DSis and she was recently in stroppy teenagery mode but after school came home, prepared supper (I come home at 6), made a cake and gave me some chocolate.

Justgotosleepnow Fri 14-Feb-14 03:24:05

Oh I feel for you op. I had antenatal depression too. Awful. I was so terrified. What if I didn't bond, what if she didn't like me etc etc.

Well how wrong I was! Blimey, I didn't know I was capable of feeling this much love. And at 10months old she gives me spontaneous kisses, and we have so much fun playing.

Just hang in there, it will all come good. As soon as baby is born you won't be pregnant anymore (phew) and your hormones can start getting back to normal.

My only advice is to follow your gut instinct. It turns out there is a thing called attachment theory on how babies bond with their mothers. It's really interesting and it's amazing having gone through the last 10 months building this bond.

The book the wonder weeks can help you get a little preview of each of the development stages all babies go through. It has helped me a lot, especially in the early days when I felt so bewildered and overwhelmed.

You know it WILL all be ok, the birth will be fine, baby will be fine and you can start getting to know your tiny brand new person.

Good luck and hugs

AlwaysDancing1234 Fri 14-Feb-14 03:51:54

We went shopping and my DH took DS off to the toy shop while I popped in Mothercare. 15 mins later we met up outside the shop but my DS ran up to me in proper slow-mo style like he hadn't seen me for a year, threw his arms around me and said 'I missed you mummy coz I love you'.
I also remember the first time he looked at me and smiled I thought I would burst with happiness.
I'm pregnant with our second child and it's bloody hard at times, had a long road to get here but I know the joys will far far outweigh the tough times. Hang in there thanks

jenecho Fri 14-Feb-14 05:21:18

What makes me smile- snuggling with a sleepy baby dozing on my shoulder . The amazing stretches she does in mid air like a cat, even while still asleep.

What makes me laugh- 22mo dd2 marching into the room with her wellies on the wrong feet bringing me my shoes and shouting ducks, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know what the protocol is with AND,have you got any anti depressants? If not I'd seek treatment after baby arrives-don't be afraid to take the pills, I know there is a stigma attached.but they really do help!

RedlipsAndSlippers Fri 14-Feb-14 07:17:58

Right now my 16 week old DS is asleep on me, I could've put him back in his basket but I'm enjoying it too much smile
He giggles and smiles in his sleep, and I know when he wakes up he'll give me a big gummy smile.

We went to mothercare recently and DD asked what kind of shop it was. I said it's a baby shop. She burst into tears and hung onto DSs car seat, she thought we were exchanging him at the baby shop and she didn't want us to because she loved him too much! That one made me all melty smile

Weegiemum Fri 14-Feb-14 07:24:17

My dc are huge now (10,12,14) but I suffered awful both ante- and post-natal depression.

This morning I'm fussing about getting them out to school. But all 3 have come for a "good morning" hug and kiss.

Jolleigh Fri 14-Feb-14 08:50:21

smile Thank you everyone. definitely some smiles for me to start the day with there.

Anydrinkwilldo Fri 14-Feb-14 09:00:07

I suffer with AND/PND so I feel your pain. My lil baby is 3 w/o today and my big boy is 23m/o tomorrow and I've had it since pregnant with ds1. Be nice to yourself. It's very hard to understand how low the low times get until you are a sufferer. I've tried explaining it to my mum and dh and even though they are so supportive they don't understand at all. In my sleep deprivd state can't think of one single funny thing (which is bad coz ds1 makes me laugh a hundred times an hour).

MummytoMog Fri 14-Feb-14 09:03:41

OP, it's awful isn't it sad I'm very very lucky in that mine has normally passed by the middle of the second trimester, but I'm eight weeks now and in the worst stage. I can't imagine how bad it must be to suffer all the way through.

I cheered myself up this morning (having cried for five minutes at the thought of having to get out of bed and get through another day) by mentally laying out the new baby's nursery and planning where I was going to put the new cot. I find my children a great comfort, but in my first pregnancy I spent a lot of time watching AWFUL feel good films, like Ella Enchanted and the Prince and Me and other total dross. Disney is very good for that. OH also bought me a kitten, which was a pretty snuggly fluffy lovely way to cheer myself up, but not necessarily the most practical way to cheer up a miserable wife.

What really got me was that everyone expected me to be so happy, because it was a planned pregnancy and I really wanted a baby. When I went to the GP to book in, he even asked if I wanted to book a termination because I was so miserable he assumed I didn't want the baby. OH didn't understand at all, but at least he now expects it.

Babylonmood Fri 14-Feb-14 09:08:32

My baby hasn't slept for longer than 90 min bursts at night for weeks and I am tearful and sad. Yesterday she refused to nap all day bringing me impending doom about grumpiness. At the afternoon playgroup she was squealing with delight during the singing. The happiest baby in the room by far. It totally lifted me to see her so happy and defying all the usual sleep orthodoxies.

kazza446 Fri 14-Feb-14 09:17:41

I'm currently snuggled under my duvet secretly smiling as my 7 week old baba snores away on my shoulder, allcurled into me. I'm smiling as I felt exactly the same way as you do jolleigh, right up until the minute he was born. He was a elcs baby so I didn't know when he would arrive as there was a screen up. As soon as I heard a little cry my hormones surged and I knew this little man was going to be so special in my life. Now I don't feel anything but love for him. It's amazing. Hope you get through it and have the same experience. Private message me if you need anymore advice xx

kazza446 Fri 14-Feb-14 09:17:52

I'm currently snuggled under my duvet secretly smiling as my 7 week old baba snores away on my shoulder, allcurled into me. I'm smiling as I felt exactly the same way as you do jolleigh, right up until the minute he was born. He was a elcs baby so I didn't know when he would arrive as there was a screen up. As soon as I heard a little cry my hormones surged and I knew this little man was going to be so special in my life. Now I don't feel anything but love for him. It's amazing. Hope you get through it and have the same experience. Private message me if you need anymore advice xx

juniper44 Fri 14-Feb-14 09:28:41

My DD is 19 weeks old and woke this morning full of smiles and coos. I picked her up and she started bouncing, so I gave her a cuddle and put her in her Jumperoo. An hour later she's still going, laughing away to herself.

My mood is far lighter as DP did the night feeds (yay!) as I have sinusitis again. But even the chronic pain feels easier when DD's so happy.

I hope you have a good support network to help ease the feelings. I don't know what AND / PND feels like so I'm not going to make any other comments.

KateSpade Fri 14-Feb-14 09:45:24

red the baby shop thing is so cute, bless her!

Yesterday, upon getting ready for work DD (2.5) runs into her bedroom, appears 5 mins later smeared head to toe in nappy cream, saying 'sore knee' (although I was in a rush, it really did put a smile on my face)

ChaosTrulyReigns Fri 14-Feb-14 10:11:19

Oh and nit-combing.

That'll make you chortle


cory Fri 14-Feb-14 11:14:51

ds (13) asked for his birthday money yesterday and when I wondered what he was going to do with it shuffled his feet and went red and muttered "well, I have this girlfriend I forgot to tell you about and I need to buy her a present"

"forgot to tell you about" forsooth, I could see he's been building up to telling me for days grin

I find having teenagers is really really lovely

Hellocleaveland Sat 15-Feb-14 18:11:58

Lots of lovely things to smile about with children! I had antenatal and postnatal depression ( hospitalised with both) and the only thing I can really add is that IT WILL END. Really. I promise you that. You may not believe me because I know I thought it would never get better, but IT DOES. And one day you will hardly be able to believe that that the scared, miserable, desperate person even existed, and you will love your child and be happy (most of the time!). Oh, and a joke from DS today - why didn't the teddy bear finish his lunch? Because he was stuffed grin

gordyslovesheep Sat 15-Feb-14 18:13:54

what made me smile OP is that my anti natal depression did go away eventually xxxxxx

I hope things get better for you soon x

pennyapples Sat 15-Feb-14 19:32:32

I'm in the middle of it at ten weeks and feeling so awful about how crap I'm being witg my DD (13 months), so non interactive, but am just really low with depression and anxiety. But, I've just put her to bed and just giving her a cuddle last thing and telling her I love her does it for me. And drying her off after her bath and smelling her hair all clean and fresh. And having her learn a new trick with her books at storytime tonight, pointing out the little mouse on each page for the first time, all lovely things. Hormones are a bastard, pregnancy is a bag of shite, parenthood is crazily tough, but the love is a very special thing and kind of conquers all.

nosleeptillbedtime Sat 15-Feb-14 19:40:24

The love, the love, the love. My ds is 11 months old and the love and happiness I feel for him every day is wonderful. I didn't get overwhelming love when he was born like some women do, but the love has grown and grown. So hang in there! 11 months is a lovely age, lots of happy delighted smiles from ds, calling mama if I leave a room, crawling his fastest to me when he sees me again. Today I did a silly dance for him which made him grin and grin and laugh and laugh. It is hard work but all this makes up for it!
I agree with penny apples, the love is not like love for anyone else and is very special. I spent my whole life thinking I didn't want kids till ds came long. So thankful he did! I'm so grateful that I have got to know him and to know this love.

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