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to be annoyed at a friend for saying I'm cruel to my dd?

(18 Posts)
PinkHardHat Thu 13-Feb-14 22:03:16

Took dds aged 6 and 22 months to soft play tonight. They played together for a bit, then dd1 went off with some boys while I played with dd2. All fine. However, after ten mins or so dd1 and the boys kept running up to hide near us, calling dd2s name then running away. Dd2 then wanted to follow them so we did. Dd1 says to dd2: 'would you like to come on the red slide with me?' dd2 agrees and takes her hand. When they get there dd1 runs off and ignores dd2 calling her. Dd2 is upset, I distract and she's soon busy playing again.

Five mins later dd1 comes and asks dd2 to go on the slide again and runs off leaving her upset again. Dd2 is upset again, but then begins playing with a little boy. Dd1 comes over again and whispers to the boy and they run off together, again leaving dd2 upset. I asked dd1 not to keep pretending to dd2 that she's going to play with her then running off as it's unkind and was upsetting her. I said she's welcome to play with us and/or the boys but to let dd2 join in too. Again, they did the calling her name then running away thing.

On the way out I saw my friend and she asked if dd1 wanted to go and play at the weekend with her dd. I said she couldn't as I was unhappy withher behaviour ttowards dd2 as she effectively spoiled her evening for no reason. My friend said 'that's just what siblings do' and I'm being unnecessarily cruel to punish her for it. Aibu?

SunnyRandall Thu 13-Feb-14 22:05:16

yanbu. I would be furious with my dc if they did this to a sibling.

pointythings Thu 13-Feb-14 22:05:31

YANBU for not allowing your DD1 to go, but YABU for not having intervened and told DD1 off much earlier, then put a stop to it when it happened again. That's appalling and unkind behaviour, not normal sibling stuff at all. Have you had a firm talk with your DD1 about how she behaved and why it was unacceptable?

lookingfoxy Thu 13-Feb-14 22:06:11

YANBU its up to you how to parent your dc, she was rude to say anything about it, I think I would have told her that as well.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Thu 13-Feb-14 22:06:17

No. You arent.
at what age does your friend think a child should start being taught that it is unacceptable to be mean to someone? hmm

WorraLiberty Thu 13-Feb-14 22:06:20

YANBU at all

I'm just surprised you let it happen repeatedly, instead of putting her in time out the second time.

I'm not sure your friend knows the meaning of the word 'cruel'...

cerealqueen Thu 13-Feb-14 22:06:36

No, I'd have done the same. Yes siblings fight, tease, etc (I am one of 5, I know) but DD1 wss being led on by others to tease her sister - NOT ON!

Nancyclancy Thu 13-Feb-14 22:07:30

Maybe you could of intervened sooner so she didn't keep hiding from her, but I think saying you are cruel by not letting her go to her friends is a bit OTT.

VeryStressedMum Thu 13-Feb-14 22:08:06

Did your dd1 hear the invitation to play at your friend's house and you saying no and why, cos otherwise it's a bit pointless.

Madmammy83 Thu 13-Feb-14 22:10:30

No, you're not being unreasonable. It's up to you how to punish bad behaviour, it's none of her business.

PinkHardHat Thu 13-Feb-14 22:10:32

All these instances were within twenty mins. Whenever I sought dd1 to tell her off she ran off. In the end I told her we were leaving and that I'd be taking dd2 back at the weekend without her. Friend didn't know that bit, otherwise I'd be considered even more cruel!

PinkHardHat Thu 13-Feb-14 22:11:24

Yes very, she was standing there listening.

Topseyt Thu 13-Feb-14 22:11:26

I would say no to the weekend play too, and your friend had no business criticising and undermining you for it.

I may well have intervened in the teasing game much earlier though, and made eldest daughter sit out for a fair length of time if she persisted.

PinkHardHat Thu 13-Feb-14 22:16:32

Cereal it was dd who kept encouraging the boys away from dd2, not the other way round sadly. The boys wanted to join in with us. I had a serious talk with her tonight and explained how unkind she was. I asked how she'd feel if her friends teased and left her out like that and she just shrugged. It's like she's in a mini teen phase at the moment. I asked her to put her banana skin in the bin this morning and its met with 'why do I have to do everything?' sad

VeryStressedMum Thu 13-Feb-14 22:19:27

In that case it's teaching her that her unkind actions have consequences. And you did deal with it, you haven't let it go and ignored it. Of course it's not cruel, your friend was most likely just annoyed that dd won't have something to do...the normal reaction is to say that's fine I understand we'll do it another time.

BeaWheesht Thu 13-Feb-14 22:20:25


Dawndonnaagain Thu 13-Feb-14 22:37:12

You are doing exactly the right thing. Stand firm and ignore your rude friend. I'm sure you don't criticise her parenting, do you?

pointythings Thu 13-Feb-14 22:42:50

You definitely did the right thing. If your DD1 is going through one of those phases then it is all the more important that there are consequences for bad behaviour. I feel your pain BTW, 6 is horribly hard. My DD1 spent about 4 months being a total pita. Stand firm, this too shall pass. thanks

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