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AIBU to hand over a bag of dirty washing to the ex when he picks up his children?

(42 Posts)
UterusUterusGhali Thu 13-Feb-14 15:35:32

STBExH is picking up the boys tonight. I am drowning under laundry as my tumblie broke a while ago and now my heating is on the blink.

Ex only ever does fun stuff with them. He's missed two dentists appointments and countless other things.

I am ill at the mo. ExH has not helped at all with the boys.

WINU to hand him an ikea bag of the boy's dirty clothes?

He lives with his mother who does everything for him.

UterusUterusGhali Thu 13-Feb-14 15:38:13

*Wibu. Fat fingers.

MeepMeepVrooooom Thu 13-Feb-14 15:41:47

I can see why you would want to but no I don't think it's a good idea IMHO.

MeepMeepVrooooom Thu 13-Feb-14 15:42:27

Nothing wrong with asking him if he would mind though.

bochead Thu 13-Feb-14 15:42:51

If you are ill it's not unreasonable to hand his children's laundry over to him as you have an equipment breakdown.

I wouldn't make a habit of it, just cos I prefer to be self-sufficient normally.

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken Thu 13-Feb-14 15:43:03

I'd be nice when you do it or he won't.. say sorry tumble dryer is broke so you will need to do kid's laundry this week.

But I don't think yabu

Damnautocorrect Thu 13-Feb-14 15:43:29

Could you text his mum and ask her to help out?

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob Thu 13-Feb-14 15:44:28

No,you wouldn't be unreasonable but I wouldn't. He may use it against you and infer you aren't coping.

MeepMeepVrooooom Thu 13-Feb-14 15:46:45

Could you wash them a give him the clothes to dry? I think that is more reasonable than handing him the bag of dirty clothes.

You could ask him nicely but he may be concerned and wonder why you haven't been doing it/get narked that you haven't been doing it and suggest aren't coping (you don't need a tumble dryer)

Mrswellyboot Thu 13-Feb-14 15:48:30

I'd ask him

Is he reasonable?

MissMilbanke Thu 13-Feb-14 15:48:31

Absolutely fine and reasonable thing to do imo.

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken Thu 13-Feb-14 15:49:47

OP's heat is broken too. You need a tumble dryer OR heat.

Otherwise you havea smelly damp house

kilmuir Thu 13-Feb-14 15:51:26

You need a tumble dryer with all this rain!
Tell him you have not been well,

Madlizzy Thu 13-Feb-14 15:52:42

Perfectly reasonable to ask him to do some of his children's washing.

Madlizzy Thu 13-Feb-14 15:52:59

Perfectly reasonable to ask him to do some of his children's washing.

MrsSteptoe Thu 13-Feb-14 15:52:59

If my relationship with my XDH was fairly amicable, I wouldn't hesitate, though I think it's always polite to phrase it as a request! even when it's something that it's not really reasonable to refuse (sorry, that became a bit of a badly phrased sentence!).

If your relationship with your XDH is rubbish, I think I'd rather get someone to take it for a service wash to the nearest launderette if you've got one!

Or can you ask your XDH to take it for a service wash, and maybe even to drop it back to you?

OddFodd Thu 13-Feb-14 15:53:45

Why would the OP involve his mum Damn? If he wants to ask her to do the washing, that's between them but I don't think the OP should join in with assuming he's incapable of being anything other than Disney Dad.

I'd definitely ask in the current circumstances.

RedFocus Thu 13-Feb-14 15:56:19

YABU to just hand it over without talking to him about it first. There is no harm in asking. If he says he can't then off you go to the launderette like everyone else has to when the washing machine or in your case the tumble dryer packs in and its no way near payday.
My ex lent me the money to buy a washing machine last month but i used the launderette for a few weeks before he offered.

Ginocchio Thu 13-Feb-14 15:56:20

I don't think it's an unreasonable request, but it depends on what your STBxH is like - is he likely to hold it against you / use it as a basis to argue for reduced maintenance / make life more difficult in the future?

In short, is it worth the aggravation for the amount of benefit that you'd get?

HebeJeeby Thu 13-Feb-14 15:58:23

I don't think you would be unreasonable to ask him if you explain your situation and you think he would be reasonable about it. However, if you think he would kick off or refuse then I wouldn't because your children will be there and it's not fair on them to see you have a row.

HesterShaw Thu 13-Feb-14 16:00:05

I can't believe some of these replies! Why on earth shouldn't he undertake some of his children's care if it needs doing? The tumble drier is broken. Why should his mother do it? Can't he work a washing machine?

HesterShaw Thu 13-Feb-14 16:00:40

Though yes, if it causes a row and affects the DC maybe not.

Joysmum Thu 13-Feb-14 16:00:56

If your relationship with him is good and you are a parenting partnership then yes, ask. If your relationship is strained then no, show no weakness.

starfishmummy Thu 13-Feb-14 16:02:43

Depends on how reliable he is - would the stuff come back?

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