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to not believe my own DSis?

(8 Posts)
jammygem Wed 12-Feb-14 23:50:33

I'm aware I'm probably going to get flamed for this...

My DSis has split with her husband after he discovered her affair. When he found out, she claimed that the man who she cheated on her husband with attacked and raped her when she tried to call the affair off.

I know it makes me an awful person, but I just don't believe her. As a rape victim myself, I cannot imagine how devastating it would be for my own sister not to believe me, but there's just too many things that don't add up, and every time I try to support her about it she changes her story.

She has a long history of lying about things like this, claiming (and then later denying she ever said) that various family members have abused her, she's been hired/fired from different jobs, miscarriages, mental illnesses, medications, hospital stays.... She can be very manipulative and often lies to get herself out of tricky situations.

As her sister I know I should be there for her no matter what, and especially if she's telling the truth. Even if she's lying, she obviously needs support with her marriage breaking up, and being so messed up that she's even lying about things like that in the first place. But having been raped myself, I am so repulsed and angry at those who "cry rape" that I don't think I'd ever be able to forgive her to support her.

I can't exactly interrogate her in case she's telling the truth - like I say, I can't imagine how devastating it would be for her if she is to find out that her own sister doesn't believe her.

Difficult situation, and I probably deserve to burn in hell just for doubting her in the first place...

PenguinDancer Wed 12-Feb-14 23:55:15

YANBU

Firstly/mainly because these are your private thoughts and feelings and no one can take that from you.

Secondly, people who cry wolf will pay for it later, maybe when they need support most, I'm afraid that's how it works. If she has form for lying about all sorts of things I don't think anyone can blame you for not believing her this time.

Even if it is about rape.

I'm sorry to hear you've had to experience that yourself x

browneyesblue Thu 13-Feb-14 00:17:16

I can't judge you. I have a sister who sounds quite similar to yours.

Her history of manipulation and lying meant that it became impossible for me to trust the simplest things that she said, let alone something potentially as devastating as rape, as in your case.

Fired from different jobs, miscarriages, mental illness, medications, hospital stays... yep - been there, tried to untangle the stories that she has told. I've never had to decide whether to believe something as serious as rape though, so I understand your dilemma. I'm a firm believer in 'I believe you', but can only imagine how hard I would find it not to question my belief in just that one particular person, my sister. There is just so much murky water under that particular bridge.

I cut off contact with my sister a long time ago because I could no longer deal with the constant lies, so have never reached the point that you are at. I hope that someone else has some excellent advice for you though.

I am so sorry that you have been through something so awful yourself though, and I hope that you received the help and support that you needed. x

CromeYellow Thu 13-Feb-14 00:24:31

I wouldn't believe anything from someone who has a history of lying for attention. You know your sister well enough to know whether she is trustworthy. yanbu.

VanitasVanitatum Thu 13-Feb-14 00:27:01

Yanbu, but even if she is lying she clearly needs support and help, though I'll be honest I don't know how best you could offer it. Is she going to the police with this?

SaucyJack Thu 13-Feb-14 00:30:37

YANBU. I have a relative who is a very obvious and compulsive liar. I struggle to believe 10% of what comes out of her mouth- and that's entirely her fault.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 13-Feb-14 01:04:24

You have to ask yourself what the consequences of your actions would be either way. Believe her if she is lying; you have given her attention and encouraged her lying. Don't believe her and she is telling the truth; horrifying betrayal by someone she trusts.

At least act like you believe her, it really is the only way. Liars and manipulators get raped too sad

jammygem Thu 13-Feb-14 11:18:26

Yes, she's gone to the police but apparently they're not being very helpful - and all her friends who were supposed to be witnesses have refused to talk to the police, so they can't really do anything anyway at the moment.

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