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To wonder why there is no will to make parents pay

(106 Posts)
Sadoldbag Wed 12-Feb-14 15:36:37

Just wondering why there is such lack of will by political classes of all types

To make absent parents pair there fair share my ds is 14 and I have had now over the years I was once offered £5 a week by the CSA but I was told that I would have to provide NI details, bank details ECt for ex confused how would I get that from a ex

if I didn't feed or my child warm ss would class this as neglect but this is pretty much tolerated from a absent parent

There seems to be no real sanctions and if you are lucky to get them to pay the amount is tiny which makes me laugh

*i think a lot of welfare issues could be sorted if absent parent was made to pay there share
Many rely on welfare because the absent parent is not doing there share.

My auntie lives in the states and her ex was jailed for 3 months until he paid his child supported he still refused so a order was made his home and car was sold what was owed was given to her and the change to him

He now pays his child support on time every month*

Sorry just having a rant

WooWooOwl Wed 12-Feb-14 15:49:09

The situation with the CSA is utterly shite, but I don't think the service is going to be better funded as long as child support money is discounted for the purpose of benefits. If the state didn't have to pay out the same amount of money for single parents regardless of whether the absent parent paid or not, then there might be more incentive to make the service work better.

I'd like to see a system where the CSA can stipulate that child support is owed to the government. That way the government can continue to pay single parent benefits and recoup the money from the absent parent through their wages. If people don't pay what they owe for the children they create, it should be worthy of a prison sentence and they should be prevented from having a car, driving licence and owning a home until they pay.

Sadoldbag Wed 12-Feb-14 15:52:39

Woo good idea

The government this and the last have really let children down also it pisses me off that exs income with new partner can't be taken innocent account

But mine is ffs what's that all about then

Sadoldbag Wed 12-Feb-14 15:55:38

I wonder of you can set debut collectors on non compliant parents hmm

I may get flamed but I * think maintenance should be taken into account when looking at contact because what type of a parent would see there own child go hunger your with out it says a lot about what type of parent they are frankly and 9 times out of 10 non payers are shit when it comes to contact ECt as well*

jacks365 Wed 12-Feb-14 15:56:34

Woowoo that was the way that the csa was originally set up and it was a joke even then. It was only changed to the current system because they couldn't make it work and children were suffering because of it.

corlan Wed 12-Feb-14 16:13:21

I also wonder why we as individuals and as a society, tolerate people who don't support their children financially.

My XP has done everything to avoid paying support for our daughter. He has no intention of finding a proper job and his cousin, who is an accountant, has helped him hide his assets and income from the CSA.

And yet, his family have told me that he is a 'good dad' and how much he loves his daughter.His friends must have an idea hat he doesn't support his child but they don't ostracise him. It seems like this is something we're all prepared to just turn a blind eye to. Why????

Sadoldbag Wed 12-Feb-14 16:24:15

There are also a fair few women who are married to men who don't pay a dime for there children

I guess they don't care as long as there own children are looked after but they soon care when they end up in the position as the ex

expatinscotland Wed 12-Feb-14 16:27:21

I've always thought the law was an ass when it comes to this. In other countries, yes, people's assets are seized and they are jailed for not paying for their kids. Here, you get,'Go on benefits.'

HappyMummyOfOne Wed 12-Feb-14 16:29:58

Parents would be up in arms if they made it illegal not to provide financially for a child. Whilst it would help the CSA, those pwc on benefits and sahp would complain!

bongobaby Wed 12-Feb-14 16:31:34

The bailiffs now collect csa payments from non compliant Exp every month on the dot. This only came about after years of him paying nothing and liability orders against him. He seemed to revel in the fact he told the csa to fuck off each time they phoned him. He has now come unstuck and should be ashamed of himself that he only pays because a bailiff makes him.
The government don't and won't care on this issue. They disregard primary caregivers and think that we pull money out of our arses or from the tree in the garden to feed our kids, while the nrp sits in the pub grinning at getting away with it. The whole lot of them make me sick.

Sadoldbag Wed 12-Feb-14 16:32:59

Currently you get about £40 a week benefits for a child were the parent is absent the parent should be given a bill for there half £20 also why is the government paying for child care for single parents

Again the absent parent should be billed to think if they sorted tis the welfare bill would go down loads overnight

bongobaby Wed 12-Feb-14 16:33:26


Sadoldbag Wed 12-Feb-14 16:40:02

Bongo baby

They are fuckwits
My own wonderful ex used to buy £30 worth of shopping a week this promptly ended when he rang me from tesco asking what he should put back as the shopping had gone over by £2 ffs shock

After that nothing for the next 14 years

bongobaby Wed 12-Feb-14 16:48:45

Clueless fuckwits I agree. Your ex did some shopping, my ex used to send ds with supermarket voucher for £20 once a month!! When I first started csa claim they paid me a few hundred pounds from him. But then the csa phoned me and said I had to pay it back to him because they had gone into his account and not told him first. It amazes me how he got to set the amount he wants to pay through the bailiffs even owing that amount of outstanding arrears!! I'm lucky in the fact that he is self employed and has to pay.
Your ex should be careful, I know of a nrp that didn't pay for 18 years they caught up with him and he had to sell his house! Lies catch up with them in the end.

bigoldbird Wed 12-Feb-14 16:50:15

My dear X never paid a penny in maintenance. He was a very abusive man (though not physically violent) but my DDs have mental health issues brought about by his treatment of them, as do I.

Every time I contacted the CSA he started with the threats and manipulation and I was in no mental state myself to deal with him so every time I backed down.

You may say that was my fault, and in a way it was, but I had been in this awful relationship with him for 30 years and it took all my strength to break away.

Not sure how legislation would help with that, but surely there must be a way, I can not be the only person who has been in this situation. I was fortunate in that I was able to earn enough money to keep us with a bit of help from working family tax credit etc, but life could have been a whole lot better with a little extra cash.

summermovedon Wed 12-Feb-14 16:51:52

IMO it is a major societal issue, in that it is deemed acceptable for the NRP to up and leave their family to fend for themselves (NRP-DC relationship and financially), even though they were half to blame for the decision to bring children into the world in the first place. This NRP may be aided and abetted by family and friends and colleagues with no shame. Even encouraged and told what a "great parent they are".

The RP has to claim benefits or work, pay for all childcare (so that s/he can work), s/he pays housing, utilities, food, treats, clothes, EVERYTHING the children need to live. If CSA catch up with the NRP, and if the NRP tells them the truth about his/her earnings (shockingly easy not to apparently as it is not checked through P60 or anything HMRC - and why not??) s/he will pay something towards those children. That - something -, may not even cover the childcare costs so the RP can work, let alone feed the children. So the NRP can swan off on business class holidays, buy the latest expensive gadget, and live the single life, and the NRP scrapes by and the children do without. And this is acceptable. That same NRP has no comeuppance if they decide not to see their children, so that the RP works literally 24/7/52 with no break. And if the RP was a SAHP s/he might not be earning much. All round a big bug bear of mine.

JohnFarleysRuskin Wed 12-Feb-14 16:56:56

Yes yes. I too wonder why there is no political appetite for this.

On the benefit programme last week, it seemed to me that at least two of the panellists had been propelled into poverty by non paying ex partners yet this was brushed over.

It's surely a major factor on why our benefit bill is high.

bongobaby Wed 12-Feb-14 17:10:31

If you are a single mother claiming benefits the DWP say you must go back to work when child is 5. At no point does the government say this about absent non paying fathers who may be on benefits! So really the onus is always on the mother.
How come the minister for women never takes up the issue?

Sadoldbag Wed 12-Feb-14 17:11:20

A bit off subject but always wonder how a woman could be with somone who pays nowt for there children

I guess as long as there own children are taken care off until they get dumped and there children get fucked off of course

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 12-Feb-14 17:26:20

Yes, it's weird.

You'd think conservative values would involve forcing people to pay for their own children, with harsh penalties for those who don't.

But I guess since the people are mostly men, it seems more important that those men should get to keep "their" money so they can have more children in the future.

Dollslikeyouandme Wed 12-Feb-14 17:27:54

I agree with Summer I think it's a cultural thing here, in general I've found that nrp's and I'm sorry I'm going to say it, are usually men, are encouraged not to pay. Men are hailed as Heroes for not paying a penny and playing disney dad once a fortnight. Women are slated for even getting pregnant with a waste of space in the first place and for being single parents.

I think society needs to look at our attitudes towards men and women and what a parent relationship and responsibility should look like.

Not all NPR are like this, my sisters dh bought a house to be near to his children, paid over and above the going rate in maintenance, as well as having regular contact and doing 50/50 of the daily grind. Unfortunately my sister wasn't always happy about the money going out or sometimes having to play second fiddle to his children. But I also think that women should accept that if they enter into a relationship with a man who has children then he has a moral and financial responsibility to those children, new wives should also give their dh's ex a break and realise there's two sides to every story.

Dollslikeyouandme Wed 12-Feb-14 17:29:40

It is one of the major gender equalities still apparent, we still have a long way to go.

nickymanchester Wed 12-Feb-14 17:50:35

OP, So why not have your DC live with your ex and you be the NRP? In that way you wouldn't have to pay.

nickymanchester Wed 12-Feb-14 17:52:41

If you are a single mother claiming benefits the DWP say you must go back to work when child is 5. At no point does the government say this about absent non paying fathers who may be on benefits! So really the onus is always on the mother.

I think that you misunderstand the situation. As a mother of a young child you don't need to actively be looking for work. If the absent father is on benefits then he will have to demonstrate that he is actively looking for work.

So, I would suggest that you are wrong in what you say

JohnFarleysRuskin Wed 12-Feb-14 17:54:24

You're missing the point nicky.

Parents should pay for their own kids.

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