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WIBU to give her some money?

(9 Posts)
macdoodle Wed 12-Feb-14 09:58:33

Am likely overthinking this. After years and years of horrid dysfunctional communication with XH, I now have little communication with him, as DD's are older and he works away a lot.
His GF (who is the ex OW, and has a DD with him, 5months older than my DD2, yes complicated), and I now actually have a relatively civil relationship, as the DD's get on very well, and we both put them first.
So she has asked to take DD2 to see the new Tinkerbell movie and out for tea with her DD on saturday. I have said fine, and am glad that we have finally reached this stage (XH is working away which seems to make us all happier and calmer, GF included).
So a simple question, normally if DD2 went out with someone like this I would give the mum some money (cinema and tea not cheap), but am struggling to figure this one out. As essentially it is "family", even though GF isnt family, her daughter is, and obviously she is with XH, who is DD2's father. I dont want to insult GF by giving her money, but equally dont want to think I am being stingy by not giving any. Agghh what to do, would hate to ruin the rather fragile peace we now have?

DangerousBeanz Wed 12-Feb-14 10:00:11

Maybe send money with DD to pay for treats during the film for all of them?

StupidMistakes Wed 12-Feb-14 10:01:19

Offer it. If you are civil say when anyone takes her out you always offer to pay for her as you know how expensive having a child is.

WaffilyVersatile Wed 12-Feb-14 10:06:24

I don't think I would offer to be honest.

DIYapprentice Wed 12-Feb-14 10:07:20

Just ask 'would you like me to send DD in with some money'?

Non confrontational, shows willing to share expenses, gives her the ability to say yes or no, and if yes you can ask 'how much does she need?'

TheListingAttic Wed 12-Feb-14 11:04:12

Just ask. Say you appreciate her taking them, and offer to buy everyone's tickets if she's getting them all tea. If she manages to be offended (and I can't think she would be) just explain that's what you'd normally do if someone was taking her out (you don't need to specify it's what you'd do if a friend's mum was taking her, rather than a family member - just that you'd normally chip in, and are happy to since she's doing all the ferrying, etc.)

blahblahblah2014 Wed 12-Feb-14 11:10:10

Yes, give send her with £10 - She either spends it or not....simples!

Bookaholic Wed 12-Feb-14 11:21:01

"Let me know how much I owe you"

Either she says "Tickets were £X" or "It's my treat". Either way should be nice and straight forward.

Stinklebell Wed 12-Feb-14 11:21:20

I find this tricky too when DD is invited out with her friends. I never know what to do with the best so normally send some money with her.

DD goes to the cinema a lot with her friend and her mum, but her friend is autistic so they go to the Saturday morning ASD sessions which are a £1 each so I don't feel too guilty with the cost. Our cinema does little kids tuck boxes, small bag of popcorn, a drink and a mini bag of milkyway stars for £2.50, so I send DD with a fiver so she can buy one each for her friend and herself.

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