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To expect a thank you card from 4 year old?

(322 Posts)
tinyshinyanddon Wed 12-Feb-14 03:48:43

Went to the birthday party. Brought gift. Then a few days later the mother send out an email to all guests:
"I've decided not to make Lucy write thank you cards thus year. She loves all her gifts, each and every one."
There is more blurb at the start and end about thank you for coming/didn't we have a great time/blah blah blah.
Is it just me or is this rude? Clearly Lucy would not be writing the cards anyway (just signing them) so basically mommy can't be arsed. May be its normal?

DaleyBump Wed 12-Feb-14 03:49:34

YABU. You've already been thanked, why do you need to be thanked again?

HoratiaDrelincourt Wed 12-Feb-14 03:52:09

That is pretty lazy. A thank-you doesn't need to be an essay - at four a computer template that said "Dear ... Thank you for coming to my party and for the lovely present. Love from ..." with maybe a bit of scribble or drawing on it.

By mentioning the norm, she is showing that she is breaking it. An email with a few shots from the party, or of birthday girl opening gift in question, would have been far better.

Bet she lost the list of who gave what grin wink

crazycanuck Wed 12-Feb-14 04:00:29

Oh for Pete's sake. She said thank you. YABU.

Catsize Wed 12-Feb-14 04:25:56

YANBU. The email is worse than not saying thank you at all in a way.

NadiaWadia Wed 12-Feb-14 04:38:05

YAB a bit U and rigid. Presumably you were thanked when you handed it over in person? If so, then there is no need at all for a thank you note.

If you weren't thanked at the time, well she is only four, so I would find the e-mail perfectly acceptable. When my DD was this age and attending lots of birthday parties I don't remember anyone sending out thank you notes (well maybe once or twice, but certainly not the norm).

NatashaBee Wed 12-Feb-14 05:05:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bragmatic Wed 12-Feb-14 05:26:58

Thank yous don't need to be in writing. Thank you cards are a defunct piece of etiquette (and a burden placed almost 100% of the time on women - men are rarely castigated for not sending them). An email, text or a verbal thank you is perfectly fine.

DaddyPigsMistress Wed 12-Feb-14 05:52:59

But she said thanks, why do you need written thank you too?

Its not 1862 whats Wrong with an email

Euphemia Wed 12-Feb-14 06:27:30

She's thanked you!

You don't know what's going on in their lives, perhaps there are reasons they can't manage letters this year.

You give for the pleasure of the recipient, not in the expectation of getting anything back.

Mrsfluff Wed 12-Feb-14 06:28:05

My DD is 13, we've never sent or received thank you cards. I've always felt a thank you on the day was enough. Also agree with a PP that it's another task that seems to be the mum's responsibility.

Therefore, it's a yabu from me.

Dollslikeyouandme Wed 12-Feb-14 06:33:12

I think you're completely unreasonable to expect a thank you card.

A verbal, text or email 'thank you for coming and for the lovely present' is perfectly sufficient.

No one in ds class sends thank you notes, some sent texts, most just verbally.

Waste of paper imo.

elspethmcgillicuddy Wed 12-Feb-14 06:34:05

YANBU. In my opinion if the gift is opened in front of the giver and the giver thanked then no card needed. If the gift was not opened in front of the giver then a proper thank you is needed. This could be a personalised phone call (or email if you insist) but a card is best.

There is nothing worse than spending ages picking out a gift you know the receiver will love and never hearing what they thought of it or a thank you for it.

A generic thank you about a still wrapped gift is not good enough. It could be a horse's head in there for all they know...

elspethmcgillicuddy Wed 12-Feb-14 06:34:41

Oh and the generic thank you email is just plain rude. And lazy.

Toothygrin Wed 12-Feb-14 06:42:40

Call me old fashioned, but I like thank you cards. Older relatives especially love to receive them from the children.

Sad that little traditions like this are becoming unpopular, in my opinion, but I can see why sending an email or text is the easier option.

PrimalLass Wed 12-Feb-14 06:53:39

There's no need. Your child was invited to a party and bought a present. Both sides are therefore equal IMO.

milkysmum Wed 12-Feb-14 06:57:25

I think YABU. I have a 4 year old who is having her party next week. I do not plan to send out thank you cards and will either thank in person or via a text depending. Dr has attended many parties and I have bought many gifts. I have never received a thank you card and nor expect one. They seem a little out dated which I know is sad but true.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Wed 12-Feb-14 06:58:29

YABU. You were thanked, that is plenty good enough.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Wed 12-Feb-14 07:00:20

Did you write a thank you note for the cake, party tea, party bag and any activity like soft play?

Bumpsadaisie Wed 12-Feb-14 07:03:52

I would smile and think to myself that's a bit on the lazy side, Lucy's mum, but nonetheless you are probably knackered like me and for all I know your grandmas died and the clutch on your car has gone and your DH is having to reapply for his job. And I would extend her some latitude. smile

saintlyjimjams Wed 12-Feb-14 07:04:19

I am allergic to writing thank yous for my children - probably because one is nearly 15 & still can't write his own thank you cards.

I'm not fussed about receiving them tbh - especislly if the mum has to do all the work just to get a scribble from a child I get the children who can write to send written thank you cards for elderly relatives/friends & to mention their brother who can't write as well - helps them fill up the space. They don't have kids parties anymore but if they did I'd get them to make a generic thank you on the computer to cut out & give to their friends (unless they particularly wanted to write). I'd get them to send it to their friends though - not friend's parents.

bleedingheart Wed 12-Feb-14 07:05:44

I think it is sad that thank you cards have become outdated. My DC have received thank you notes from classmates after attending their parties and giving them gifts, although I admit more don't send cards than send them.

I receive Thank You cards from all of the children I buy Christmas presents and birthday presents for. DS writes cards himself thanking the giver for the individual gift.

I know that my older relatives appreciate this but if we didn't do it I don't suppose they'd mind.

Jenijena Wed 12-Feb-14 07:05:58

I think Y are B a tiny bit U. She's thanked you, would you cared the same if the thank you email had come from the Dad? I think it also depends on your relationship to the party givers...

I used to get into Trouble (communicated - but from source- via grandmother) if my aunt didn't receive a thank you from me. She had a child - who is now junior school age - when I was an adult and I have never yet received a thank you letter.

CoffeeTea103 Wed 12-Feb-14 07:27:09

Yabu, you were thanked, move on. Bigger things to worry about and all that hmm

pigletmania Wed 12-Feb-14 07:38:30

Yabu the mother thanked you, what more do you need, for her to grovel at your feet. Some 4 year olds cannot write yet, or are just learning it would be too much to expect them to write 10 p,us thank you cards

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