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To think my mum is anxious about nothing

(55 Posts)
monkeynuts123 Tue 11-Feb-14 18:22:06

We were out with my mum for a walk and to go for tea and she was so anxious I ended up questioning my decisions as a parent. I have a 5 year old ds and an 18 month old dd, so one on a scooter and other one in buggy but my mum was so anxious about one on scooter. I let him scoot just ahead of me with me watching out the whole time for unsafe situations. He knows to stop at the road and to go slow down hill and it's a walk we've done thousands of times before but my mum was freaking out because he was on the pavement and she thinks this something that should just happen in the park. He has never bumped into anyone and always listens to me. Then I got dd out of the buggy when we were at the park and my mum started saying she couldn't cope anymore because her 'nerves were shattered'. The toddler was toddling along pottering in and out of puddles, sometimes putting his hands in puddles and stroking willing dogs and ds was on scooter having fun, but for my mum this combination of free-range kids was nerve-wracking. As if all this wasn't enough we went to a cafe and the kids moved in and out of their seats and dropped biscuits and youngest lunged for hot cups etc but to me this is all normal with young kids. We were away from other people in the cafe and the kids weren't crying or screaming or running around. Is she over anxious or am I overly liberal?

Tailtwister Tue 11-Feb-14 18:25:59

You were probably more relaxed as you know your DC and how they will react, but your mum was probably looking at the worst case scenario.

Personally, I would trust my 5yo on a scooter but certainly not my nearly 4yo. They are very different children and I know I could trust my eldest when he was 3 more than I could with my youngest at nearly a year older.

AngryFeet Tue 11-Feb-14 18:26:26

Sorry I'm with her on the scooter thing. I don't think kids should ride them pavements and I flinch when I see other people's kids racing ahead. A car could reverse out of a drive, he could fall off into road , he might not stop at the road. Kids do stupid things sometimes.

Other stuff she sounds a bit over anxious although depends how close these hot cups were to a baby.

ladyquinoa Tue 11-Feb-14 18:30:47

Mine do scoot and stop for cars, people, roads etc. I would trust them but at the same time we have a rule that they have to be only a little in front of me.

Mojang Tue 11-Feb-14 18:36:11

i think i'm a fairly relaxed parent, certainly not anxious but therefore a few things in your post that i would avoid

-scooter by road, cars backing out ofdrives can't see him. Children fall off, if next to a road they can fall into the road.

-How do you know the dogs are willing? IMO no toddler should be touching any strange dog

- A toddler "lunging for" hot drinks would terrify me

Spaulding Tue 11-Feb-14 18:39:29

You were probably more relaxed as you know your DC and how they will react, but your mum was probably looking at the worst case scenario.

Agree with this. My mum is really anxious. DS (who is 3) just has to bend within 5 metres of a table and she's up saying "Mind your head!"

I was once giving DS a bath at her house. My dad was in the bathroom with me. DS was standing up while my dad splashed the water. My mum kept running in saying, "Watch him! He's gonna fall!" as if my dad and I would just stand there and watch it happen rather than protect him. Some people are just anxious!

Nanny0gg Tue 11-Feb-14 18:40:54

I'm with your mum...
(apart from the puddles)

monkeynuts123 Tue 11-Feb-14 18:47:13

What I mean is youngest lunged for a hot cup the waitress put down but then I moved them out of reach and ds was just in front of me on a road with no driveways. We were on reins at all times and smacked if were dared explore further than the end of our noses. Oh and the dog was just a dog being walked who stopped to sniff and the owner said she was a softie and I let baby stroke dogs back which everyone enjoyed, except my mum who was worried about rabies and baby being mauled to within an inch of her life. I'm exhausted.

YouTheCat Tue 11-Feb-14 18:51:57

Rabies? hmm

I'm not much of a one for scooters as when badly ridden they piss me off but you sound like you have a handle on the situation.

How did you ever manage to get to adulthood, OP, without being a complete anxious wreck? grin

bodygoingsouth Tue 11-Feb-14 18:54:15

thing is you do get more anxious about others children because you don't know them as well.

as a cm I was far more anxious and overprotective over the mindees than I was over my own children.

and obviously your parenting style will be different to your mums.

you know your own kids best.

monkeynuts123 Tue 11-Feb-14 19:06:33

Oh well I went the other way cat, I try to let my kids explore life so they can become confident adults rather than terrified of the world. Maybe ds should be on scooter only in park but I think it's great he's safety conscious and I like to encourage that. Ironically!

pixiegumboot Tue 11-Feb-14 19:25:34

No way with the scooter. Scooters are for parks, with helmets. The instructions on the scooter boxes also say do not use near roads or traffic.

Joysmum Tue 11-Feb-14 19:29:32

I agree, yours more relaxed because you know your kids.

I liken this to when I have DD's friends over. I'm far more cautious with other children than with my own.

monkeynuts123 Tue 11-Feb-14 19:32:54

Really pixie? I see other kids on pavement on scooters, maybe I need to rethink that.

pianodoodle Tue 11-Feb-14 19:32:58

On most things I agree with your mum but then I'm an anxious type myself so my view might not be the norm smile

MorningTimes Tue 11-Feb-14 19:33:33

I'm with your mum. My DS only started going ahead of me on the scooter recently & he is 8. He is trained to stop at every driveway & check for reversing cars.

My DC have been taught to stay well away from dogs they don't know & they would be in trouble with me if they approached a dog and touched it. Not all dogs like children & it is certainly not fair for then to be randomly approached by a toddler.

Re: the the cafe - I think toddlers should stay strapped into high chairs until they are sensible enough to sit properly in a chair. They don't get to jump in and out of the seats and they certainly don't lunge at drinks!

My nerves feel slightly frayed just reading your post.

Floggingmolly Tue 11-Feb-14 19:38:44

The cafe thing is not just a normal thing with young children - in and out of their seats, lunging at hot cups; are you joking? hmm
And scooting on the pavement is absolutely not safe, for your child or whoever he crashes into (he will, eventually).
Your mum is not excessively anxious; you appear not to be anxious enough.

pixiegumboot Tue 11-Feb-14 19:43:07

Me too monkey and it freaks me out. Kids + moving fast = helmet. Heads break and can't be fixed.

Mim78 Tue 11-Feb-14 19:49:09

I am with you op. All sounds fine.

claraschu Tue 11-Feb-14 19:52:55

I am with you 100%. Your mum sounds like she was terribly overprotective of you, and she hasn't mellowed. Sometimes seeing your mum with your kids gives you insight into what your own childhood was like.

I feel that people don't let small children take enough risks, and then the children rebel and do REALLY risky (but hidden) things as teenagers.

yummystepford Tue 11-Feb-14 20:13:06

I'm with you OP. Trust YOUR instincts, which won't be the same as everyone else's! But they are yours and will be right for you and your children!

firesidechat Tue 11-Feb-14 21:23:20

Well, I'm not particularly anxious, but I'm also with your mum on this. As the ex owner of a lovely dog, it was the stroking random dogs that jumped out at me. Parents letting their children pester dogs is a pet (sorry) hate of mine. You have no idea of the temperament of any animal and I think it's asking for trouble.

My nerves feel slightly frayed just reading your post.

Me too Morning.

firesidechat Tue 11-Feb-14 21:27:05

Ok, so the dog owner was fine with you touching their dog and your mum was worried about rabies. That puts a slightly different slant on it then.

In terms of bringing up children I probably come somewhere between you and your mum.

deakymom Tue 11-Feb-14 21:36:00

children are always going to lunge at hot things my baby recently got a blister on his finger because the waiter put treacle pudding down too close to him he was safely strapped to his high chair but the waiter didn't know the reach of him and i was not fast enough everyone was horrified when my first act was to put his hand in my mouth and suck off the sugar but i think more damage would have happened if i hadn't got the scalding hot treacle off!

with the scooter my daughter loved hers and was safe on it she would scoot next to me or a little in front but she was never able to free roam till we got to the park xx

MorningTimes Tue 11-Feb-14 21:37:16

fireside - I used to have a lovely dog too. I was amazed at the parents who would allow their children to suddenly approach him and put their hands on his face/tug at his ears. The parents would just stand there watching and chucking indulgently.

I think "free range" toddlers are fine in theory but not when they inconvenience or put others in danger.

The cafe behaviour is a good example of that. Obviously, keeping DC safe is a priority but it is also unfair for a waitress to have to dodge around children, when carrying hot drinks & food. Some people are so focused on the enjoyment of their own DC that they seem to lose sight of the other people around them.

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