Advanced search

WIBU to say this to DH?

(19 Posts)
Rinoachicken Tue 11-Feb-14 09:15:20

First AIBU so please be gentle!

Background: have a 7wk old DS2 and 4yo DS1. DH is a SAHD and in every other way is fab, does all the housework, cooking, everything. He also looks after DS1 so I can catch up on sleep in the mornings and gets up to him in the night (if he hears him, he's a heavy sleeper so doesn't always).

But this morning he made some sarcastic comment about me BF DS2 lying down in bed down. I had a cloth down but he didn't know that and because we had changed the sheets just the night before said something along the line of "are you trying to get the sheets all messed up before they've even been on one night?".

So this was my response:

For your information, I feed him lying down because he gets less wind, because it's more restful for me, because he goes back to sleep easier afterwards. When it's you who never falls into proper sleep because your brain is biologically wired to stay half awake to listen for your baby stirring, when it's you who physically gets out of bed, trying to remember to turn off the alarm, pick up a wriggly hungry baby and try and get him latched on and feeding before he screams and wakes up you and DS1 because you want them to get as much sleep as possible, you who changes shitty nappies in the dark as quickly and quietly as possible trying not to wake your husband or the baby, because you know if you don't his nappy will leak even though all you want to do is put him in his crib and go to back to sleep and even though this extends the whole process to at least half an hour of you being awake once you have got up fed him changed him possibly fed him again settled him back to sleep and finally got back into bed yourself. When it's you who wakes up in a cold wet sticky bra on cold wet sheets which you then have to sleep on all night, because your pads are full or have slipped and you've leaked everywhere, when you have only had a proper bath or shower TWICE since giving birth and one of those was in hospital, so really a bit of leaked milk starts to not even register since you feel so disgusting gross anyway. When you do ALL THIS 3 - 5 times EVERY NIGHT, and in between that take a 4 year old back to bed, get him a drink, stay with him to settle him, and have to go to the loo yourself at least twice because you have a shit bladder having had two children. When that's YOU, THEN you can make a pissy comment about what fucking position I feed DS2 in at 5 in the morning and no you were NOT joking or trying to be funny, you WERE having a dig.

In my defence, it was about 4 in the morning and I am suffering from PND so am not the best judge of reasonableness atm.

So WIBU? (Suspect I was a bit, and now feel really guilty).

rollonthesummer Tue 11-Feb-14 09:17:50

Nope-you were crystal clear! I'd have just told him to get stuffed!!

RevoltInParadise Tue 11-Feb-14 09:21:08

Actually, sounds fair enough to me! I would t have been that coherent at that time of the morning!

Tiptop32 Tue 11-Feb-14 09:21:21

You were not being unreasonable- men sometimes need things pointed out in a rather direct way cos otherwise they just don't get it.

AnnieLobeseder Tue 11-Feb-14 09:27:56

Were you really that eloquent or do you just wish you had been? grin

If you really did manage to express all that, I am in awe of you.


Rinoachicken Tue 11-Feb-14 09:28:46


To be fair to him, he didn't respond (shock?!) but this morning has bought me breakfast in bed

FutTheShuckUp Tue 11-Feb-14 09:29:59

YWCNBU, well done!!

FutTheShuckUp Tue 11-Feb-14 09:31:45

he will prob have his tail between his legs big time pmsl

Jess03 Tue 11-Feb-14 09:35:12

Iyou did well and yanbu but you should give him a kiss for the breakfast in bed and say bygones, everyone snaps when they're tired, of course you are more tired but he's not on top form either and seems to acknowledge that smile

AnyFucker Tue 11-Feb-14 09:36:11

Yes, yabu

There were no "f" words in there wink

MimiSunshine Tue 11-Feb-14 09:43:53

To be honest i think you over reacted.

Ok he asked in a bit of a sarcastic way but i don't think it warranted biting his head off quite so much with a litany of what you do especially when you make it clear he does his fair share.

If i were you i'd make him a cup of tea and say sorry for biting his head off in the middle of the night and then leave it.

Rinoachicken Tue 11-Feb-14 09:45:33

I did give him a big hug this morning and we're fine today wink

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 11-Feb-14 09:45:45

Gosh- have a decent shower! Why can't he have the boys while you do that? I can't function without a shower each morning (currently have a 7 week old dc3).

Besides that, no yanbu!

Rinoachicken Tue 11-Feb-14 09:49:33

blackholes I have had showers, just been stupidly quick in out ones, longing to have 15 mins to just stand under the water!!

DS2 seems to sense when I'm not in the room and goes nuts which then stresses me out (my fault I know).

MoreBeta Tue 11-Feb-14 09:52:02

I would rejig you morning. DH is SAHD so he could get up make you coffee/tea, let you feed DS if that is what happens, then you go for a proper shower while DS1 and DS2 with Dad. You get properly dressed, brush hair, put on clothes. Dad goes for shower while you make breakfast and Dad gets dressed. Have breakfast all together.

Everyone feels human.

Nicknacky Tue 11-Feb-14 09:57:05

Will I understand you are both tired, I think you over reacted. And I say that with a 9 week old, a 6 year old and a husband that works full time. He just wanted to make sure the sheets stayed clean? I'm pretty sure my h made the same comments to me, I said "yep" and took the Muslin he offered me.

Your bladder, leaking milk etc isn't his fault and there is nothing he could do about that. If you want his help during the night, and there is no reason why you shouldn't, then wake him!

And you do later say you have had showers so not sure why that's an issue?

But feeding during the night is bloody hard and it's easy to snap.

Rinoachicken Tue 11-Feb-14 10:03:07

Ok I'll go with IWBabitU

Agree we might need to have a rethink on the mornings. My motivation for self-care/getting up and ready for the day is an issue, but that's depression related, not DH fault at all

Jess03 Tue 11-Feb-14 10:07:55

I'm amazed anybody gets through the early baby days without pnd it's all so exhausting, hope you are getting help and start to feel better op.

TheListingAttic Tue 11-Feb-14 10:41:54

I agree - a bit U. A response along the lines of "well, we both fall back to sleep easier this way, and anyway I've got a cloth down" would have been enough. Although I might have then gone for your response if he'd kept having a dig. A hug and a "sorry for the early-hours snapping" should be enough - sounds like he's generally very supportive, so chalk this one up to two knackered parents saying the wrong thing!

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: