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to be jealous...

(5 Posts)
macdoodle Mon 10-Feb-14 20:19:15

I have a brother and a sister.
My sister is 10 years younger than me. We are very close, she is very close to my DD's and I adore my niece and nephew.
We live a few hours apart and see each other every other month or so. We talk almost every day. I get on very well with BIL as well.
My brother is 18 months younger than me and I have had no contact for many years. He was aggressive, abusive, drug addicted gambler, and after numerous chances, and some very odd comments (apparantly I sexually abused him and helped our father abuse him, we were both children in a crappy family with an abusive father and an absent mother - she had left with my younger sister, I always felt I tried to protect him, so accusations like that were unforgiveable). When his life is good, he is effusive in his charm and spending money etc etc, when bad he is horrid.
After being physically abusive to my sis and BIL, she had no contact with him, but has recently built bridges, and is seeing a bit of him, despite BIL reservations.
So I get to see all their "fun" escapades on FB (bloody FB), "lunch with my gorgeous sister", "babysitting the best niece and nephew in the world", "has the most gorgeous niece" etc etc. I can see them because he tags her in them all. And I am consumed with jealousy, he lives much closer, so gets to see them much more than I do. She seems to be having a ball with him (he is taking her to fancy expensive restaurants). He gets to see my lovely niece and nephew much more, but clearly doesnt care about his other nieces.
I want nothing to do with him, some of what he said was unforgiveable, and I have been here before. He will be fine, until he isnt, and then everyone involved will get hurt. So on top of being jealous, I am worried about my lovely family. And yes IABU I know that, I am a grown up, as are they, I need to get over it.

Bowlersarm Mon 10-Feb-14 20:22:45

Yes you do need to get over it I'm afraid.

Your DSis has a right to a relationship with her own brother, whether you like it or not.

Sorry, it must be difficult for you.

DoJo Mon 10-Feb-14 21:23:33

It sounds like you feel as though the fact that your sister has forgiven your brother (to some extent at least) is a betrayal of you and your relationship. As much as I could understand if you feel as though she shouldn't forgive him of loyalty to you, it's unrealistic to expect her not have contact with him if she feels that they can have an enjoyable relationship.
I'm not sure what you mean about him not caring about his other nieces? Is that your daughters? Because if so, that's a bit unfair - presumably having a relationship with your children would be impossible given the state of the relationship between the two of you?

Mia4 Mon 10-Feb-14 21:36:46

I agree with DoJo, it sounds that way to me too. Why don't you block your brother on facebook? That way you won't see these statuses? If you've cut him out anyway, it seems like the way to go for yourself that way you don't have to see what's happening.

Andanotherthing123 Mon 10-Feb-14 21:37:36

Ah, am sorry for you and can understand your frustration. I'm the product of a dysfunctional family and recently learned that dysfunction gets passed on down the line, and manifests itself in the next generation. In my family, like yours, the our dysfunctional upbringing affected each of my siblings in different ways and I was shocked recently to find out one of my siblings was harbouring near hatred for me, when I had thought we had a close relationship.

Stay away from FB, you don't want contact with your brother and you can't change that your sister wants to have contact with him. It doesn't change how she feels about you and you'd be best to ignore his comments and concentrate on your family and just keep your relationship,with your sister unchanged.

Sorry, not amazing advice, but I do understand how bloody complicated (and incredibly hurtful) these situations are.

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