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to ask EXP for his new address?

(21 Posts)
SleepIsForNinnies Mon 10-Feb-14 13:59:23

We have one DC together, who sees my EXP through a contact centre (long story, I will give details if relevant!)

EXP has recently moved, and doesn't want me to have his new address. (He always thougth the world was out to get him grin - as if anyone would actually bother!) However, our DC wants to write letters to him. EXP has now given our DC a FALSE new address. It doesn't exist either on Google or Royal Mail. hmm

The likeliest explanation is he's trying to dodge the CSA, but I also worry that he may at some point try to persuade our DC to move in with him, or possibly abduct DC. (In fairness this is not very likely, but still.)

As DC do not have any contact at his new address, do I have a case to ask him his address, or should I just respect his privacy?

Cravey Mon 10-Feb-14 14:02:20

If your child stays there then you could ask but he doesn't have to give it to you. Not a lot you could do legally I'm afraid. It's his right to privacy.

Sadoldbag Mon 10-Feb-14 14:03:59

You need to ask

If your child gose there not only do you have right to know you have a duty and contact details

This was a huge sticking point with my ex he didn't want me to know were he lived and wanted me to drop dp round the corner I said NO it went to mediation and he was told loud and clear he was to hand over. Contact details and that as the primary carer I would be. In derelict of my duty not to know ds whereabouts and if if went to court would be right be hind me and not ex

Sadoldbag Mon 10-Feb-14 14:06:41

Cravey sorry you are wrong any one who has PR for a child has a right a *duty no less to know the were abouts of there child I was told and this was only last year if anything were to happen to ds first thing I would be asked

is why I let ds be taken off with out having any contact details

Also that neither parent is allowed to hide the location of ds unless there are concerns eg stalking in which I doubt there would be contact any way

LookingThroughTheFog Mon 10-Feb-14 14:09:03

But she knows the whereabouts of her child, as the child sees the father at the contact centre, not at his home.

Sleep, could you ask your ex for an address where your child can mail him? It doens't need to be his; it could be a PO box or a friends address.

BridgetJonesPants25 Mon 10-Feb-14 14:09:33

Unless your son goes to stay with your ex at contact I wouldn't think you have any right to his address.

Have you checked the white pages website with his details?

Cravey Mon 10-Feb-14 14:10:26

Actually sad I think you will find that he can refuse to give his personal details to his ex. Court can ask for them if the child is staying there. However he can refuse. If he does normal case would be to stop resident contact and place to a contact centre. Legally the child's mother has no right to his address. Morally it is a different matter.

SaucyJack Mon 10-Feb-14 14:11:22

TBHperfectlyH- he sounds like a muppet, and as such YABU in expecting anything approaching even slightly normal dealings with him.

CheeseandGherkins Mon 10-Feb-14 14:12:06

Why would any decent father not want his children knowing where he lives??

Sadoldbag Mon 10-Feb-14 14:17:41

Cheese I can think of loads

Usually that don't want the children to slip up

but it's just another form of control and manipulation usually they re doing something dodgy ECt benefits or there living arrangements unstable I wouldn't worry op if child is going to a contact centre then just leave it at that

He will most likely and more fuel to Destruction of the relationship between him and his kids and they will likely think him more of a twat

Cravey Mon 10-Feb-14 14:20:10

If the child is going to a contact centre then there is no issue really. Ask him for an email address or a po box number if the child really wants to write to him. It is his right not to give you his address. How old is your child ?

SleepIsForNinnies Mon 10-Feb-14 14:20:51

The real issue is not so much the letterwriting - I'm on good terms with EXPs parents, who would forward letters I'm sure.

Now that I really think about it, my real issue is EXP trying to influence DC into something that may well be "legal" - but might be disastrous for DC. (Like disappearing from the contact centre on a day trip.) And, to a lesser extent CSA being able to assess how much he earns hmm

DC has a mild SEN - very poor social skills for the age, terrible judgement about what's right and wrong, and what to do in a crisis. We're in the process of getting a diagnosis. The reason EXP sees DC through a contact centre is that he promised to teach DC how to fight with real sharp metal knives, and DC was supposed to NOT TELL MUM about it. A child who's socially incompetent and prone to outbursts of rage, does not need a dad to teach them this! EXP carries a knife too...... [moron]

Cravey Mon 10-Feb-14 14:23:45

If you have real concerns about this then speak to your solicitor about making contact supervised within the centre. As for csa they don't need his address all they need are his work details or in number.

bodygoingsouth Mon 10-Feb-14 14:25:23

if he carries a knife you should inform the police as it's a criminal matter. he could go to prison and loose contact.

Sadoldbag Mon 10-Feb-14 14:27:29

Sleep i share your pAin but I think if he made off with ds and address would not help

It's sad if ds wasn't to write but do clearly dose not want that of would give the address

You can only lead the donkey you can't make it drink

I think all you can do is simply make the staff aware there not supposed to leAve the contact centre and make it clear to ex as long as he keeps address to himself the only contact will be via contact centre

bodygoingsouth Mon 10-Feb-14 14:28:50

how can you casually say he carries a knife? WTAF.

DCexpat Mon 10-Feb-14 14:30:15

If you are going to comment, at least take the time to read the original post! Several of the posters on here obviously didn't.

SleepIsForNinnies Mon 10-Feb-14 14:33:22

Casual knife carrying? Yep, that's my EXP grin

He's smart enough to get away with it. He knows the loopholes in the law and has ACTUALLY talked himself out of being prosecuted on the one occasion he was arrested for carrying a knife. He also doesn't have it on him at the contact centre - I have alerted the staff obviously.

It was one of the main reasons I insisted on a contact centre only.

Cravey Mon 10-Feb-14 14:33:30

In all honesty if he is as bad as you say then there is a huge case for supervised contact. Maybe you should look into this. I would not be allowing him near my child of I had your fears I don't think. The likelihood of him abducting your child is low however he doesn't sound as if he is very responsible.

BridgetJonesPants25 Mon 10-Feb-14 17:18:55

With regards to CSA they go through HMRC and only really need a new and DOB nothing else.

As for the knife... No wonder you insist on Cc what an absolute twat. Here's hoping he falls over with it in his pocket pointing towards the family jewels.

BridgetJonesPants25 Mon 10-Feb-14 18:22:36

Need a name and dob*

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