To be annoyed with father in law (sorry a bit long but I needed to vent)(82 Posts)
Basically the issues started when my dd was born (9 months now) .
My father in law took it upon himself to take my newborn baby out of my arms on so many occasions that my dh had to tell him he was making me claustrophobic and that as a new mother I was very protective .He acted like a massive child and wouldn't speak to my dh for a couple of days after this .i didn't say anything myself as I thought this would cause more issues.
It calmed down slightly over the next couple of months but now every time we visit dh's parents fil takes dd away to another room to play with her by himself ! Nothing untoward at all just strange and quite rude ! Mil is lovely and will chat away to me and as such misses out on time with dd as fil seems obsessed!
Things came to a head yesterday when he actively took her to a different room when I walked in ! My dh knows it bothers me and he hates that I feel this way and that fil does this . He emotionally blackmails dh quite a lot which I absolutely hate !
Am I being completely unreasonable to resent this?
My Dad used to do exactly the same thing with dd1. Interesting you say your fil may be regretting not spending more time with your dh when he was a baby. I'm an only child and my parents had me when they were young which was very difficult for them. I know my Dad regrets not spending more time with me as a baby and feels he blinked and missed his only crack at 'the baby years'. Maybe this is why they do it.
It was very difficult for us but luckily for me my dh is quite blunt. He'd go and find Dad and fairly lightly ask him to bring dd1 back in so we could all play with her.
Once she got to about 2 it stopped because she was mobile, vocal and could express herself. I remember the last time he did it, we were all sitting on a steam train and Dad suddenly picked up dd1 and went and sat halfway down the carriage on his own with her. She immediately just slipped off the chair and raced back to us. He never tried it again.
Dd1 is now almost 10, my parents have returned to normal and thankfully that crazy babyhood phase is a distant memory.
Have you considered giving him a time limit on it so he gets his one-to-one time without spoiling everyone else's fun?
I wouldn't discourage it too firmly if I were you- the day will come when you'll be very glad of a grandparent wanting to take your DD off of your hands at family occasions
Interesting you say your fil may be regretting not spending more time with your dh when he was a baby
I still do not understand why this means taking baby to a different room...how this means it more quality time and so on...
FWIW what parent who spent most of time working doesn't regret that at some point...I still do not get why taking the baby to a different room some how quells this.
I wouldn't discourage it too firmly if I were you- the day will come when you'll be very glad of a grandparent wanting to take your DD off of your hands at family occasions wink
I would rather have the child than hand over to a GP that sulks and gets moody when he can't be alone with the baby.
I don't think its normal/acceptable behaviour.
I really think someone needs to ask this man face to face why do you need to be alone with this child.
My dp tried speaking to his DM but was afraid of hurting her feelings so it came out weak and sounded silly and she just laughed it off. It actually took me dealing with it to show her I was in charge of DD.
I felt that intimidated by it, I practised what I was going to say/do, so the min I felt she was over stepping boundaries,I stepped up. Which I wish I had done forcefully enough when I was pregnant as mil tormented me over issues. Thankfully dp did step up in the end but that was after months of stress and tears. Life's just too bloody short.
I think on this occasion , you deal with it in regards to leaving it to dh.
Get your mamma bear on!
Thankfully dp did step up in the end but that was after months of stress and tears
we see this on thread after thread, people are afraid to rock boats, confront nad I have also had problems with it...
I think it should be taught in schools, how to make points heard and listened to and so on. so many people suffer because they are to afraid to speak out.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.