WIBU to just go downstairs and ignore the phone?

[Dollslikeyouandme]

Dsis sent me a text message, she needs help with an application form question, urgently, it's due in tomorrow. It's 8.20 on a Sunday evening, I've just put ds to bed, I want to sit down and watch TV.

Last week she phoned me and read out the entire job description and person spec and application for another job.

I asked can she ring me in the morning, no it must be tonight.

I said ring me quickly then, she said she would load it up, 10 minutes ago. I'm still waiting, I don't want to be on the phone all night.

[Objection]

Doesn't seem like a huge ask to me. Why can't you just chill out, wait for the question, help and then go back to chilling?

[Iwannalaylikethisforever]

Don't be mean. Help her out. You may want her to return a favour one day.

[NoodleOodle]

In that situation I would answer the phone because I had said that I would. Otherwise, I'd have no worries about ignoring it. I regularly ignore my house and mobile phone. If it's an emergency, my friends and family know that they need to spell that out to me in a text message, otherwise, I'll answer the phone when I feel like it, and get back to people when I feel like it.

I hate the 'invasion' of my home feeling that I get from phones. I think some of it stems from having worked in call centres and offices both endlessly making and receiving phone calls. So, now I feel like once I've closed my front door I'm in my family space, and just because I have a telephone, it doesn't mean that I am available 24/7.

Similarly though, I don't expect people to be available to me any time I might want to contact them just because I have their number. I am happy to leave someone a message that I want to talk to them about whatever it is, and let them get back to me. Works for me :)

[cozietoesie]

Sounds as if she's panicking and needs your help - I would.

Is there no way she can scan and email the stuff to you? That would make it so much easier.

[Dollslikeyouandme]

I've spoke to her now, I'm not being mean on purpose, it's just she does this a LOT, usually with jobs that are not in my remit at all, she insists on reading the whole thing out to me, then disagrees with what I say anyway! And the phone conversations last over an hour.

[cozietoesie]

That would be unreasonable for me because I simply couldn't carry all that information in my head especially for such a length of a phone call. Does she have scanning and email facilities?

[Dollslikeyouandme]

I've got her to tell me the website it's an online application.

I do sound quite mean I am a bit selfish about my evenings but it's more she tends to try to get me to do typing and stuff for her uni work so I dread the phone call.

She also did ask me about this early in the week and I assumed she was ok as hadn't followed up on help. Last minute she is!

[Mia4]

I get why you are annoyed OP, my youngest brother does this with job applications- waits until the last minute and then panics. I do help him but the last time I told him he had a deadline and at that time I was going out for the drink. He still dithered (apparently he was messing around on pintrest and facebook) and I went out. He had to get on with it alone and since then he's said he will tell me more in advance, he's been more organised updating his covering letters so I think it actually helped.

[cozietoesie]

That's something. Trying to talk stuff through only on the phone is awful - and also potentially puts you in the situation of giving her a bum steer if you forget a point or two or she doesn't tell you something.

I'd have it out with her next time you see her in a normal way. Say that you're happy to help but it needs to be done with - something like - hard copy in front of you and not simply with words over the phone. And then stick to that.

[cozietoesie]

Sorry - x post. And with as much warning as possible, as Mia4 said.

[Iwannalaylikethisforever]

Dolls, I read your other comments and take back saying don't be mean, if she does this a lot.
My brother used to do this it was so fecking annoying.
I felt like his pa! I'm not exaggerating.
I used to be busy, oh sorry id love to help but .....

[Anniegetyourgun]

They ought to be offering the job to you if you're the one who can answer the questions.

[Dollslikeyouandme]

Having now spoken to her to be fair I can understand why she was asking, it was a bloody strange question on an online application!

I just think oh shit sometimes when she asks as I dread the long conversation, I switch off after so long.

We quickly discussed the strange question but once we'd clarified what we thought it meant she had the answers anyway.

She then started asking about all the other questions and I joked that she should put she's very good at getting her sister to answer the questions.

She burst out laughing so all in all pretty painless.

[Dollslikeyouandme]

Dsis is a night owl she'll be up all night doing this application, so wanted a chat about it, I'm off to bed now so didn't want my hour of TV being imposed on!

[Topaz25]

I would help her out this time but make it clear it is the last time she can call you at the last minute. Would you be happy to help her if it was more in advance and you could meet up in person at a mutually convenient time and discuss it over a cup of coffee? Make sure that it is on your terms, not just hers. If that won't work for you either suggest she try other resources. I can understand why she is nervous about looking for work but I can also understand that you need time to relax.