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Please tell me I am not being unreasonable.

(87 Posts)
PMDD Sun 09-Feb-14 19:11:56

I told my dh on Wednesday that we were having 2 sets of friends round for Sunday lunch and I was making a full roast etc. These are mutual friends, in fact, 1 of the sets of friends are more 'his' than 'mine', although I like them too.

He was fine with this, although he can be a bit lazy socially and would be quite happy sat on the sofa all weekend on our own watching TV.

I was preparing the meal from 8am, cleaned the house from top to bottom - with no help at all from dh. I don't mind that, I tend to do all the cooking and cleaning etc.

We had finished our meal and cleaned up. The children were playing upstairs, the men were watching football and the women were drinking wine around the dining table (sound like 1950s?). Then at 4.30 another of dh friend's came round, dh had invited him for Sunday dinner and told him to come at 4.30.

Dh asked if I would russle up a roast dinner for his friend as he had said that he would have one. I said no. I said that I had been cooking and cleaning since 8am and I was not prepared to cook again (all leftovers were in the bin or freezer).

He has been in a massive piss all afternoon. He is looking for reasons to be in a piss... anything... he is grabbing at straws because he knows the reality is that I haven't done anything wrong. He is in a mood because he can't find a hot water bottle (my fault). He is in a mood because the children made a mess upstairs (my fault). He is in a mood because our children are now fighting (my fault).

I have just blown up and yelled at him that I have done nothing wrong to have to put up with his mood. I asked him to tell me exactly what I had done wrong for him to be in this bad mood. Apparently I shouldn't have invited people here on Sunday.

Bloody man.

Mumof3xx Sun 09-Feb-14 19:13:30

Tell him to piss off

RandomMess Sun 09-Feb-14 19:13:53

YANBU angry

dreamingbohemian Sun 09-Feb-14 19:15:19

You are so NBU

Mumof3xx Sun 09-Feb-14 19:15:28

Why when he was eating his own dinner did he not realise some one was missing!

Marcipex Sun 09-Feb-14 19:16:47

YANBU at all.

Your husband is looking for a row isn't he.

He sounds like my ex. Stand your ground, why didn't he 'rustle up' the roast dinner as it's so quick and easy?

MyNameIsKenAdams Sun 09-Feb-14 19:16:54

Oh my word! How awkward must the 4.30 friend have felt!!

Who invites a guest around for a meal hours after it was served? He sounds barmy.

foreverondiet Sun 09-Feb-14 19:17:48

I wouldn't even shout, just say you served lunch at 1pm (or whatever) and why didn't he ask his friend at the right time or ask you to put a plate aside to be heated up later. Yanbu. How exactly can one rustle up a roast???

PMDD Sun 09-Feb-14 19:18:09

I was apologetic to his friend (who I do like) but that the dinner was at 1 so there was no roast dinner at 5pm (when my dh asked me to serve him). I said that it was totally dh fault for not telling him the correct time, but he would have been more than welcome and there had been plenty to eat. I said that he can come round in the week.

DH thinks I should have cooked something up for his friend.

DH said I can't sleep in our bed tonight as he is 'so angry at me'. I asked him again what had I done that was so terrible?! He couldn't give me an answer... because there isn't one!!!!!!!!!

ButICantaloupe Sun 09-Feb-14 19:19:33

Apparently I shouldn't have invited people here on Sunday.

But it's ok or him to invite people and expect you to cook for them?

Fuck that.

YANBU. Your DH is BU and a bit of a dick (sorry)

Minnieisthedevilmouse Sun 09-Feb-14 19:21:16

If dh knows where kitchen is he can cook. You're not a slave.

Or are u?

Marcipex Sun 09-Feb-14 19:21:37

You can't sleep in your bed tonight?!???!!

Leave the bastard, or rather, give him the boot.

Ifcatshadthumbs Sun 09-Feb-14 19:22:01

Why couldn't your DH rustle something up?

Anniegetyourgun Sun 09-Feb-14 19:22:41

Well it's obvious what you have done wrong, really. You should have just dialled "full roast dinner" on the replicator, Star Trek style, and ping! There y'go, dinner for one with all trimmings.

What do you mean, you don't have a replicator? What kind of a naff housewife are you anyway?

Next you'll be telling me you gave the cleaning fairies the day off.

saulaboutme Sun 09-Feb-14 19:25:15

Yanbu. He's a massive wanker! He's spoiled a lovely day after all your hard work.

Do you spoil him? Does he always do this? I really would be teaching him a lesson for this as he's been so ungrateful and disrespectful.

You need to talk to him and tell him this can't happen again. How date he!

lifeinthefastlane1 Sun 09-Feb-14 19:25:30

he is so angry you cant sleep in the bed? I hope you told him that if he is so angry he doesnt want to be near you then the sofa is downstairs waiting for him, and that you will sleep where you bloody well please!
YANBU, does he usually behave in such a knobbish way?

PMDD Sun 09-Feb-14 19:27:15

He has been in a fowl mood and then brought down a work shirt to be ironed for tomorrow. I said, I hope you don't think I will be ironing that (which I normally do) after you have been so grotty with me.

He is ironing now and I can hear him huffing and puffing over the steam from the iron!

Melonbreath Sun 09-Feb-14 19:29:41

Tell him to sleep on the sofa

JonSnowKnowsNothing Sun 09-Feb-14 19:30:48

Telling you you can't sleep in your own bed? When you've done nothing wrong? Picking arguments out of nothing because he's too infantile to admit he fucked up?

FlockOfTwats Sun 09-Feb-14 19:31:07

You cant sleep in your bed? And what's he going to do if you do?

FoxesRevenge Sun 09-Feb-14 19:32:13

He's acting like a stroppy teenager. I couldn't cope with that. My ex was a moody git, hence now being the ex!

CheesyBadger Sun 09-Feb-14 19:34:21

Oh my word! What an arse!

Nanny0gg Sun 09-Feb-14 19:38:51

You can't sleep in the bed tonight?


I hope you're going to ignore that 'instruction'?

NearTheWindmill Sun 09-Feb-14 19:39:53

He's an arse undoubtedly but did you consult before you invited any guests regardless of whether they were friends of his or not. If you didn't he really just did the same to you and his friend turned up as a guest at your house. I think you should have russled something up and saved the discord and lack of communication for later. To me it seems as though you washed your dirty linen in public.

MissBattleaxe Sun 09-Feb-14 19:40:26

Is he usually like this? Do you always do all the cooking and cleaning?

Red flags- he didn't help when he saw you cooking and cleaning. He invited a friend over and didn't ask or tell you. He is annoyed at you when he is in the wrong. He is making you pay for HIS mistake. And he is doing it front of your children and setting a bad example of how you should be treated. He is ordering out of the bed because you have displeased him.

Have a serious think about your future OP. I am very sorry for you and you are in the right.

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