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to not allow my dd facebook, msn etc

(92 Posts)
wontletmesignin Sun 09-Feb-14 16:58:52

My dd is 10 and is asking me quite frequently for the likes of msn, facebook, skype and the likes.
I have said no, no, no and no!

Aibu in not allowing her access to these?
I see nothing but stranger danger signs all around it and i dont know if i am just being over cautious or not

GinSoakedMisery Sun 09-Feb-14 22:16:45

He has Dhs old iPhone. He got it as he goes to and from school himself. And he needs a password to download apps, so FB app can be downloaded without it.

Im happy enough with what we allow him. And when I think he is mature enough, and understands more about web safety, then maybe he can have FB. By then there will probably be some other new social media site.

Philoslothy Sun 09-Feb-14 22:12:28

You are much more sensible than my twelve year old then!

TeenageAdvice15 Sun 09-Feb-14 22:11:39

fair enough, that's what I used to to do philoslothy but now I've realised that when I stay up later I just get really tired the next day so it's not worth it

Philoslothy Sun 09-Feb-14 22:06:51

I take gadgets out of her room at night because she would be chatting all night and watching all sorts on the internet. I also like her to read at bedtime and she wouldn't if an electronic device was available .

Philoslothy Sun 09-Feb-14 22:05:01

My Yr 7 doesn't have an iphone but she has an iPod wchxh she doesn't carry around. She does have a smart phone though.

She is allowed on some social media , Instagram but not yet on Facebook or Twitter. The circle of friends she has behaves rather poorly in Facebook and Twitter and I know she would be similar.

She uses her iPod to mainly listen to music , play hands , FaceTime and watch netflix .

She also takes approximately 7527 pictures of herself daily and about 2458 pictures of her horse.

TeenageAdvice15 Sun 09-Feb-14 22:02:11

I'm a 15 year old girl and my parents have NEVER monitored my internet use. I've used Facebook from the age of 10 and don't recall ever asking for my parents permission to get instagram, snapchat etc hmm
I'm allowed gadgets in my room and always have done and have a smartphone and laptop with no parental controls. My parents have never talked to me about internet safety yet through common sense and talks at school I make sure that in safe online.

All of you saying your kids will not have Facebook etc until they are 13 are being very naive. 90% of my year had Facebook from year 7. They will just get an account and not tell you it's not exactly hard. I got cyber bullied through Facebook and texts in year 7 which resulted in my moving classes etc but I never stopped using it. While there are dark sides to social media such as cyber bullying it is also a great way to talk to friends and share photos/videos.

Just out of interest, why do some of you take gadgets out of your kids rooms as night? I have my iPhone charging by my bed every night and I make sure I'm off it by 11 and go to sleep. If I stay awake later then the only one who suffers is me because I am tired the next day.

ravenAK Sun 09-Feb-14 21:39:40

That's the bit I never understand.

My ds is in year 5 & has recently started dropping heavy hints re: me passing my quite nice phone onto him when I upgrade it next year.

Fair dos, year 6 seems like a sensible age to take responsibility for a phone in the bottom of his bag for emergencies.

But I worry much more about ds getting mugged for a decent phone, never mind having untrammelled access to t'internets in all their horror - I'd be much happier to send him out with an ancient Nokia 3310! - than I ever do about him pootling about on my old laptop in the same room as me.

& yet every year, I hear the same from parents of year 7s: their child is NOT allowed on social media sites, definitely not. Meanwhile, the kid's wandering round school with a phone you could coordinate a moon landing with, never mind set yourself up an Instagram account...

curlew Sun 09-Feb-14 21:32:28

What are people so scared of? Specifically?

bodygoingsouth Sun 09-Feb-14 21:22:38

Talking quite right about the I phone.

bodygoingsouth Sun 09-Feb-14 21:16:58

you do realise that FB is much more safe than playing games on line right? you can be a friend and see every post.

agree 10 too young but to continue to ban Internet to young teen is unworkable and daft.

TalkinPeace Sun 09-Feb-14 21:12:55

why does a 10 year old need an iphone?
if you are not going to activate internet access?

if its on a contract, he will be activating data
so he will be using browsers

and the FB app does not need a browser wink

chicaguapa Sun 09-Feb-14 20:45:29

These threads always go the same way. People say they don't want their DDc on social media. Then those whose DC are on it feel that their parenting skills are being criticised so go on the attack. I'm not quite sure how constructive it is to generalise and say that DC must be allowed on social media if they want to and that restricting that is always going to end in tears. People know their DC and there's enough anecdotal evidence from both sides to show that the DC turn out ok either way. Presumably this is because the tack taken was the best one for the individual DC?

We have an Internet safety evening at DD's school this week. DD's coming with me so she can hear it first hand from her teachers. This is part of her education as IMO better to educate before access is given which is the stage we're at at the moment.

In my case DD is a stickler for rules and I couldn't give a hoot if every single 12 yo in the world was on Facebook, but I'm not teaching my DD that it's ok to pretend she's older just so she can get a profile.

I have explained why she can't have a social media account yet because a) I don't think she's mature enough or b) I don't understand it enough myself yet to be able to teach her to use it safely (in the case of instagram and snap chat etc). But she knows it's up for discussion if that changes.

I've shown her profiles and what identifying and public information is out there. We've even googled her classmates and seen them in the results. I know she's not ready for that and she does too as she's not asked for it. She's still googling pictures of hamsters FFS!

So I'm happy with my choices and rules because I know my DD. I'm also 100% confident that both DC will be fully adjusted and ready for life at college or uni by the time they go, with plenty of common sense and the necessary skills to assess danger. So thankfully I'll be able to sleep tonight. wink

GinSoakedMisery Sun 09-Feb-14 20:45:06

What I meant is he can't go on safari/web browser. He can use apps.

Meh, I can't be bothered to explain myself. I'm happy enough with him not having FB, he doesn't need it.

ashtrayheart Sun 09-Feb-14 20:43:42

Don't you need 3G or wifi to FaceTime?

GinSoakedMisery Sun 09-Feb-14 20:42:01

You know what I meant. The iPhone is restricted, he can't use the Internet, same as tablet.

Philoslothy Sun 09-Feb-14 20:41:28

As a rule I don't trust my children. I check on them constantly. grin

ashtrayheart Sun 09-Feb-14 20:38:21

He has an iPhone and a tablet but he doesn't need Facebook cos he's only ten grin love it.

GinSoakedMisery Sun 09-Feb-14 20:34:35

I trust DS1 enough to not do it behind my back. And he won't, I know that much.

He uses the Internet, he has an iPhone, he has a tablet. He knows he isn't allowed FB or BBM. He texts his friends, he face times them, I'm not stopping him doing these.

I just don't see why he would need FB, he's only 10.

shebird Sun 09-Feb-14 20:22:35

What's wrong with allowing children time to be children? Do they really need all this social pressure at 10 years old. Ok so it's mostly innocent chatter but often friendship issues are exaggerated by online comments and there is added peer pressure to constantly be fun and cool.

ashtrayheart Sun 09-Feb-14 20:03:15

I assume those who aren't allowed Facebook etc have fully supervised Internet access?
Facebook was never a problem here, but at 12 (with a laptop in the same room as us) dd was chatting to all sorts of perves on habbo hotel - I would never let a child of mine near that site again, fb is much safer with the right controls set and parental access to passwords.

bodygoingsouth Sun 09-Feb-14 19:54:02

pag don't think anyone is saying never say no to a child. I certainly don't.

but some posters are talking about young teens and even up to 16 and thinking it's ok to just ban things like FB etc.

my point is it's daft and lacy parenting to make the parent feel good/smug/ but it essentially doesn't teach safety, control, it doesn't educate the child and it's ultimately useless as they just go behind your back.

some people seem to see FB etc as the work of the devil and a gateway to bullying and paedophiles. it really isn't if used properly and that's what needs teaching.

ravenAK Sun 09-Feb-14 19:52:54

I'm with TalkinPeace.

If your child has unsupervised internet access, at home, at school, via a phone, at a mate's house - then they have all the social media accounts they can eat.

I'm a KS3 form tutor & I have fairly regular conversations of the 'oh no, my dd isn't allowed on FB! You must have her confused with someone else!' variety with naive parents, when I ring home about the latest outbreak of cyberbullying.

Not to mention the ubiquitous dodge of letting mum set up & supervise an account for them, then quietly setting up another account which they actually use with their mates.

My 9yo ds got bored with FB about a year ago. That is, unless he's got an account I don't know about...grin.

shebird Sun 09-Feb-14 19:51:02

talkin I assume your kids are older than 10, there's a big difference allowing a 14 year old access to social networking. What most people are saying is that social networking sites unsuitable for younger children and no one is talking about banning internet altogether just stressing that caution is needed.

bodygoingsouth Sun 09-Feb-14 19:45:43

Finally yes I think there is no room in parenting to actually belive that 'my child isn't interested in that it would never do it. I know what my child is up to' etc.

Choirmum a child at a boarding school has just as many potential opportunities to access on line accounts as other teens.

Ginsoaked he will do it behind your back at some point if you keep the ban up and all his friends really DO have accounts.

don't get the 'begging' either. we learned to parent by going with our kids, responding to them and going at their pace but always guiding, educating and helping them to grow up safely.

you can't do that by putting your fingers in your ears and ignoring things.

Pagwatch Sun 09-Feb-14 19:41:36

The op is talking about a 10 year old.
It is not stupidly rigid or saving up trouble for the future to sy no to a 10 year old.
And I have a 29 year old who is not running around getting shitfaced or wearing skimpy clothing because I said no to him when he was a young teenager. He is sensible enough to know now that he looks terrible in them grin

It is a balance. Stop making out that saying no is always the luddite road to disaster.

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