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to give up on trying to have a relationship with my sister?

(10 Posts)
PinkHardHat Sun 09-Feb-14 15:21:02

My sister lives about three hours away. I haven't seen her for 2.5 years. We both have children and I would like to have a relationship as we get on and my elder dd wants to see her cousins. Dsis has a record for being unreliable - we've made plans to go and visit her 5/6 times in the past 2.5 years and she always backs out with an excuse despite it being her suggestion. We've even been on holiday 5 miles away from her and she didn't manage to see us.

We were meant to go and see them this weekend. I sent her a message on Wednesday asking if it was still ok and she said they're decorating so can't do it now. They apparently can't travel to us as she says her eldest has travel sickness in cars. I've offered to collect them from the train station instead, she said her children would be unmanageable on a train.

Luckily I hadn't told my eldest that we were seeing them this weekend otherwise she'd have been let down and upset but dsis doesn't seem to consider this. I'm thinking of just giving up on the relationship altogether as she is so unreliable but part of me feels bad as her dh is quite controlling and I suspect he could be behind the cancelled plans. Last time we saw them he smacked their then 9 month old and I said something and he was furious. Aibu to give up trying?

LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName Sun 09-Feb-14 15:54:54

Don't give up. Could you be being abused?

RandomMess Sun 09-Feb-14 15:57:17

Do you speak to your sister on the phone or is it my email or what?

I think your suspicion of her husband being behind it is probably correct...

Would you be allowed to have the dc for a weekend for them to have a break perhaps?

PinkHardHat Sun 09-Feb-14 15:58:09

I guess you mean she? No, they have a tempestuous relationship which isn't great for the kids imo but they're as bad as each other. She won't leave him because she likes their nice lifestyle. He won't leave her because he can't be arsed to find someone else. Their own admissions!

Goldmandra Sun 09-Feb-14 15:58:38

I was going to say give up until the last couple of sentences.

If she is suffering domestic abuse, he will want to cut her off from you so you'll be playing into his hands.

Can you go for a day trip on your own when he's at work and just turn up and take her out?

BabyMummy29 Sun 09-Feb-14 15:59:32

Sounds like everything has to be on her terms. I can sympathise to a point. My sister is nearly 9 years older than me, so we never really grew up together. Later on we didn't have much in common and now I rarely see her. On occasions when they were younger, her DD has been nasty to my DD and now my DD will have nothing to do with her.

In my particular case, it hasn't harmed me in the least not having contact with her.

Preciousbane Sun 09-Feb-14 16:00:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PinkHardHat Sun 09-Feb-14 16:00:33

Phone, email and text messages. The dc don't know me- they haven't seen me for 2.5 years and are 3 years old and 13 months. They have plenty of breaks together and separately without the children

PinkHardHat Sun 09-Feb-14 16:02:14

She admits he's a dick but has no wish to leave.

PinkHardHat Sun 09-Feb-14 16:04:07

She has contact with our separated parents (I don't) which he encourages but think he discourages contact with me because I've spoken my mind to him.

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