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AIBU moany woman?

(5 Posts)
FerretsRule Sun 09-Feb-14 13:21:03

I live with my DP, been together 4 years and am about 32 weeks with our first
We live far far away from all my family and friends my only contact is mutual friends i now share with DP, it was my choice to move to the area and i don't want to move back home, yes i still think of where i'm from as home but this is where i belong

In his family there is one older ggd and a newly arrived ggs no grandkids with his parents till ours arrives but its a very close family

The thing is i feel like we are ignored by them

Everyone else visits everyone else at least once a month if not more for meals/visits dog walks etc and we all live within a 5 min drive, we make a huge effort to visit the others and help them as much as possible but we also work, at least i did, not anymore just DP working now but unless we go see them nobody ever bothers
Nobody has made an effort to come see the nursery, offered to help with decorating it, asked to come round, asked us round, invited us out for drinks and loads more yet they all do this regularly with each other

Since moving in 2 years ago his parents visited twice his sister once one set of grandparents the day we moved in and one cousin has come round twice for dinner

I feel really left out, they are a close family and all other partners are always included, my dogs arn't aggressive for the non inclusion of dog walks but they are huge, we dont smoke/drugs so not like they should be worried about coming round

Comments on FB regarding new little lad along the lines of "finally a boy" "make the family whole" both before and after he was born, while i am very happy for the new parents i feel like they are a bit derogatory about our unborn DD yes there are more girls in the family does that mean she doesn't matter?

To top it all off i am due in hospital next week as the midwife suspects something's wrong with our LO so i have to have a load of tests done (terrified of needles) scans, bloods etc to see if she will need surgery when she is born or if its something wrong with me

Im terrified but nobody seems to care we just get comments of well you cant change it now no sense in worrying (while we were visiting them to tell them the news) . . . first time mum, first pregnancy that lasted this long and iv been told either my body is causing something bad to happen to my baby or something is wrong with her with no support . . . lets see how they react in this situation

Am i being a stupid hormonal pregnant woman? should i be happy with the privacy or should i mention something?

Calloh Sun 09-Feb-14 13:46:33

I'm so sorry, this rounds awful. I don't really know what to advise but didn't want yo read and run. What do you want? Do you want more support?

With regard to the new baby boy I am sure they didn't mean anything neglectful about your DD and I'm sure when she is born they will all be just as thrilled . It might be just what they say, is that possible?

PerpendicularVince Sun 09-Feb-14 14:15:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Littleen Sun 09-Feb-14 21:41:37

Huff this doesn't sound like a very nice situation! Ask your partner for support and why they are like they are. We've got the opposite issue, moved back near my family and for the first 5 months they wouldnt give us a day alone (all live within 15 mins of each other). We nearly went mental both of us, as we're not that kind of people. Had to have a good talking to some of them to get them to let us have some privacy, and started to manually lock our front door so they have to ring the doorbell atleast.

Whats with families not knowing how to find the middle ground eh!

I think it's important to talk to your other half about it, and try and get support from your own family and friends even though far away. And best of luck with baby x

FerretsRule Mon 10-Feb-14 16:09:57

I don't necessarily need the support physically but it would be nice to feel like we are a valued part of the family

If they were just friends i would except that by their actions they probably didn't want to see us any more and i would except that

But i just know that when LO is born i will have a home constantly full of people i barley even know to see her and will struggle not to snap at them some more than others

DP values his privacy as do i but there is a difference to privacy and basically being excluded, Family meal a few weeks back and also at Christmas we wouldn't have been invited if it hadn't been for his mum and the most recent was his Bday which he shares with his cousin the new mum, every effort was made to make it a surprise for her include other people she would want there etc then at the end when they brought out a cake for each of them people were like " Oh is it DP's birthday as well?"

and sadly with the boy girl thing most of his family are girls very few boys and while not a culture thing for us certain members of his family values boys much more apart from DP for some reason
Thankfully GP's don't seem to care or are smart enough to keep quiet

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