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D for effort..AIBU?

(58 Posts)
Hypermutley Sun 09-Feb-14 11:59:14

So t'was my b'day on Friday. As I've not been treated to nice meal in previous b'days - has always been a last minute dash to find a nice restaurant etc - I booked my favourite restaurant back in October. It was a lovely meal.
DH's actions: give me a card around 11pm when we got home after dinner bought from Tesco (I don't care but he always insists it Clintons between the two of us).
Lovely flowers on Saturday (confessed that he ordered on Friday AM) along with a bottle of rose and a box of chocolates delivered as a package from the flower company.
Further, he hadn't bought anything else in the way of party food (we always do this although it is just the two of us at this party), so I bought the usual on Thursday PM.
Admittedly I am hard to buy gifts for - I return things I spend ages hunting and buying myself.

Even so, AIBU to expect a little effort from DH? he hadn't even planned anything for the weekend. We had breakfast around noon and he was looking for things to do and I just couldn't be arsed after that. (it's nearly always me who finds things to do for us and I've told him he needs to find something, then its always the bloody f** 'shops' when he knows I'm not a big shopper - cop out?!). He could have ordered something cheap as a gift even a box of chocolates picked out himself rather than from the bloody flower shop.

ImagineJL Sun 09-Feb-14 15:18:11

You both sound incredibly high maintenance to me. Ticker-tape parades for your birthdays! Do you have kids?

CurlyhairedAssassin Sun 09-Feb-14 15:21:26

Does he have an iPhone? If I would like something specific for my birthday eg particular perfume, I VERY specifically state this to dh then I find it online and then dh photographs the details on his iphone.

He has tried surprises in the past but they usually weren't the best idea although the thought was behind it so I appreciated the thought. So this "leading him to the exact details of the thing I want" (rather than mentioning it in the shop a couple of months before and expecting him to remember it - he won't) works much better for us. It may be practical rather than romantic but romance can come in many forms such as someone bringing you a cup of tea in the morning or commenting on a song on the radio that brings back memories of your early relationship or even just buying you a crunchie whilst paying for petrol.

If you are hoping that your dh will suddenly become one of these rare men that trawl the shops for weeks for the perfect surprise present or think ahead far enough to book an in-demand restaurant then I fear you will be forever disappointed.

Aw shucks.


Hissy Sun 09-Feb-14 15:39:28

If someone genuinely doesn't give a monkey's about their own birthday, then they can be (semi) forgiven for not wanting to make a fuss about other people's.

When they sulk because they think their dp hasn't bothered, but it's not even actually happened, THEN there's a problem. Especially when they expect the 21 gun salute and the concorde flypast but don't fucking bother at all for the person that's supposed to mean the world to them.

Book a mini break with a mate so you are not even there for his birthday, ideally somewhere with no phone reception and leave his selfish arse all alone to contemplate what you do normally do.

I hate mean people, and he sounds really petty and mean.

MelanieCheeks Sun 09-Feb-14 17:53:04

The TallestFlower's post had an awful lot of good stuff in it.

I don't get the "do back to him what he did to you" advice - people dont think about things the same way, and he's not going to be upset at being treated the same way he treats her (given that - benefit of the doubt - he's done his best and thought what he offered was good and would be appreciated)

If it's NOT his best, if he's deliberately set out to be cheeky or annoting, then that's a different matter. But I get the impression he's done well, given his form. B for effort, methinks.

Hissy Sun 09-Feb-14 18:19:43

Op clearly stated that her OH expects all bells and whistles and sulks if he doesn't get them.

So, perhaps a bit of a short shite shock will teach him a lesson...

LisaMed Sun 09-Feb-14 18:32:21

I got a £1.50 (one pound and fifty pence) plate from the charity shop bought at the last minute, as due to my birthday having been on the same day since he met me in 1985 he was taken by surprise.

The plate is nice, bought with our son. I said thank you and smiled.

Littleen Sun 09-Feb-14 20:50:17

I can sort of understand where you're coming from, it's not well thought out and well planned. Though that's pretty typical of men! I think you booking restaurant many months in advance is odd, and would probably tell him that you won't even give him the chance (even though he's not done it previously). You'll just have to tell him exactly what you expect, he won't understand a hint! My OH hasn't been that great, until this christmas he got me something i really wanted but hadn't even thought about for months as I couldn't justify buying it myself. I did not for a second think he would get me something I really wanted! One time he got me some fancy tea that tasted horrible along with some funny looking oven gloves (didn't need or want them though, besides - oven gloves?!?!). So it varies obviously. Talk to him again and again until he gets it!

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