AIBU or am I just being PFB?(129 Posts)
Went round to MILs this evening and she asked us if we want to go out for a meal for her mum's birthday in a few weeks time.
She then said she'd book the table for 7.30. As there's a few of us going, and the place we're going isn't exactly particularly speedy, this will mean the whole thing is a long drawn-out affair so we probably wouldn't be finished until 9.30 at the earliest.
We have a 3 week old baby and I'm trying to establish some sort of half-decent bedtime routine with him so that we can all try and egg some sleep.
I said it was a little bit too late and could we do it any earlier because I'm the one who has to deal with DS in the night when he's unsettled.
MIL said no because she's going out in the day and 'needs time to get ready'.
DP said okay we'll bring the pram in and he can sleep in that while we're eating. I said I don't want him getting over tired which is what will happen if he gets passed round a table of people. MIL then said I was being precious and that I couldn't stop people having a cuddle of him.
AIBU not to want to take my baby out on an evening or am I just being precious?
In all honesty? Expecting a bedtime routine at 3 weeks old is crazy! One late night wouldn't do any child harm, let alone a newborn that sleeps 16 hours a day.
Bit of both really IMO. Routine; at 3 weeks won't happen (baby may ba falling into some natural routine but don't count on it lasting).
I don't particularly like taking DS (4weeks) out in evenings but that's mainly because it's cold/ dark/ windy/ wet/ bloody miserable . If it was summer I'd be happy to, 9.30 isn't v late.
So, if you really want to go don't worry about taking baby, if you don't; perfect excuse!! Win win
You're being too precious. The sooner you learn that life doesn't work around a routine and family are more important than one night away from the routine the better.
I know I can't establish a bedtime routine yet, I just mean he seems to be more settled on the evenings where he has feeds, pyjamas, feed, then is laid in his crib as opposed to the evenings where we've seen family and he's had a lot of different people holding him if you see what I mean.
Sorry but a bit PFB. Babies at that age are really portable.
I understand what you mean.
i wouldn't be going to be honest. I have a 4 week old. It's dark and wet and windy at night so would be avoiding st all cost.
if you have to go, just tell everyone they aren't allowed to hold the baby as he's unsettled/tired. That's what i would do.
It is ok to say no to him being passed around. Especially on this occasion. In your shoes I'd arrive early, take baby for a walk in the pram so they go to sleep then put hood up and drape a blanket over to discourage poking and prodding. But using the excuse that the restaurant is a bit bright/it'll cut down on noise being likely to wake baby and you want everyone to enjoy their meal in peace.
It's not for your MIL to pass judgement on you or tell you who can/can't have a cuddle with your (very gorgeous) 3 week old.
You be as protective/controlling/firm as you like when it comes to your newborn baby, other people have to fit in
or fuck off
Although saying that, if he wants to sleep he'll drop off regardless of whether he's in the pram/being cuddled, they're not looking to be entertained at 3 wks so he won't be distracted by being somewhere different, so long as you and his Dad are there he'll be fine
Your DH needs to nip the way your MIL is talking to you in the bud though, don't let her try to undermine you, the people who get to call the shots are you and your DH because you know your DS best.
If you're not happy to fit in with her plans it's your right to not go, you don't even have to give a reason
Younger than 6 weeks old is actually the easiest age to take them out to a late meal since they sleep so much at that age and wake up through the night anyway. It's not as if your baby is 1 and can't be out of a routine without ruining night-time sleep or 2 and will get hyper and cranky if they're out late. Enjoy the only upside of a newborn's sleep chaos while you can!
If you're not comfortable with it regardless you could always just join them for an hour until 8:30 and then head home.
It's easy to see that when you're out the other side Avery, but the OP's traumatised
She's only known her DS three weeks, I'm still in shock at having two 13 and 4 years on
Three weeks old is just so snuggly, I want my 3 weeks old babies back <frustrated>
Agent you can come look after DS for a night if you want. Plenty of newborn snuggles to be had when he's refusing to go to sleep at 4 am and has been up for the last 7 hours!
I'm a broken woman
I'll go for a good sleep while you get your newborn fix
Your missing a trick here - at that age they're so portable and sleep lots so you can have a peaceful meal. Give it a few months and you'll wish you'd gone out every night for a meal!
YABalittlebitU but not much. I think your MIL should be a bit more compromising towards you.
However, at that age, my DD slept like an absolute log in busy places. Background noise was like a drug to get. So yours may surprise you.
I would go, but plan in advance with your DP, for example that if your DS is sleeping you don't pass him round for cuddles, if he cries you both take it in turns to take him off for a push, etc.
Oh if only Slh
Cuddling up in bed with them gave me a better hit than any drug I took in my youth, and I had this one on tap.
He'll be at uni in the blink of an eye, don't let your MIL make you question your care of him
I wouldn't have wanted to take DD2 (now seven weeks) out in the circumstances you describe at three weeks. Maybe now at seven weeks I would, but at three weeks I wouldn't have wanted her passed around a whole table full of people.
One night won't do any harm. A routine queen but at that age I loved the fact that DD would fall asleep for hours on end, thus enabling me to go out for lunch/dinner etc and enjoy adult company while she slept soundly in her stroller next to me. All you need to do is a sad head tilt which says oh sorry no cuddles right now, he's sleeping and people will understand.
The thing is if this is in a few weeks everything might have changed by then (they start a new phase every couple of weeks at the newborn stage) and you'll probably be glad to go as either the noise will help your baby sleep through it all, or you can hand your baby around while you eat two handed, you just can't second guess it (later on, I'd say 3-4 months you can) so just go and enjoy it as much as possible.
Go but with the pram and avoid the pass the parcel with baby is sleeping. And yy to the pp who said nip this type of guilt trip in the bud from MIL
Just go. Keep baby in pram. If he wakes, let them cuddle him. He's still too young for it to matter. Honestly, this is the portable stage, make the most of it.
It's just one night. Enjoy it.
Massively PFB. Expecting an adult meal to revolve around a three week old s pretty ridiculous. They're at their most portable at that age.
Make the most of it. If DS is asleep, put him in pram and enjoy eating a meal with the full use of both hands. If awake, allow all those willing volunteers to cuddle him while you eat your meal.
go and enjoy it! I could've been out for a meal at this stage and dd would've been fine. Since about eight weeks however she will not settle at night unless it's in the dark in her cot and she must be there by seven or there's hell to pay.
In your situation, and I am, I'd be a bit selfish. As you say, you're the one who'll be up with him. MIL sounds a bit pushy though maybe it's an opportunity for her to show him off.
I'd pack them all off and snuggle up somewhere warm and enjoy the peace and quiet. People with older children/adults seem to forget how tiring newborns are and how focused you are on them.
You know your baby. If he won't be able to cope, don't take him.
FWIW, our DD didn't sleep that well at that age and 7-10 was screaming time, so I wouldn't have inflicted her on anyone else, either at home or out. She only got more portable as she got older.
If you do go, you don't have to let the world and his wife manhandle him if he's asleep or needs feeding.
So, depending on the baby you may be UR or R <sore arse from fence sitting>
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