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to think it's unfair this guy has been given the desk next to me?

(43 Posts)
AroundTheGlobe Fri 07-Feb-14 20:30:44

I've been at my workplace for around 10 months now, when I first started this guy asked me to be his date for a work event. I apologised and said that actually I wasn't going but thanks for asking. He was quite nice up until that point and from then on we have just clashed.

I would never speak to him about personal things about my life but he decided to say I was mardy and that's why I didn't have a man (I was with someone at that point so just shows how he doesn't know me). That we were having a group conversation, I asked a really basic ordinary question and he turned to me and said - "who's involving you?" just to make people laugh at how blunt he was.

Said another rude comment about me to the point that it made 3 women colleagues who overheard him pull this face - shock. Logged into the new starters computer (when I was off work) and sent an email to me saying that he had missed me,I was pretty and he really liked me. I definitely don't think I'm pretty at all but ... the email was not an obvious joke, and I replied back that it was nice of him to say that. Which then made newstarter realise he was hacked - thus making it very awkward between us.

He also said a really vulgar comment about me being desperate for sex. At that point I got up and went to the toilet and just cried. That is the only time I have ever cried at work.

And honestly I can take a joke and don't want to come across as a sensitive soul. I can take banter and jokes about myself when it's done in good humour but I just can't see the funny side of his actions towards me.

There is an empty desk next to me and for the last month he has been threatening to move there, I have made it very clear to him and the assistant manager that I don't want that to happen (there are other free desks). My manager had been off since Christmas, came back and moved him. I literally came this week and he had moved.

I literally can't take it and I'm so unhappy being sat there. My manger is well aware of this and today we had a one to one session (everyone had one) and then she asked was I coping, I said not really. I asked if he could be moved to the other spare desk just 3 down from where he is now sat and was told that no this in unfair on him.

Aibu to think I was sat there first and I shouldn't have to put up with his behaviour like this and be made to feel upset and down every time I come into work?

WeeSleekit Fri 07-Feb-14 20:33:43

So this twat is bullying you basically. And your manager is aware of it. You need to escalate this above your manager. You are being bullied. It's not your fault and you don't have to put up with it.

TeamEdward Fri 07-Feb-14 20:33:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StealthPolarBear Fri 07-Feb-14 20:36:09

You're being bullied. Ask your or his manager tobsort it. If they dont, raise a grievance

Wishfulmakeupping Fri 07-Feb-14 20:36:09

Speak to HR this is unacceptable do not put up with OP sad it sounds awful. If you're not already sign up to a union too

TheCatThatSmiled Fri 07-Feb-14 20:36:42

This is harassment. Pure and simple. Write up the incidents - keep it simple, to the point. Tell him to stop harassing you. Infirm your line manager that you will be talking to HR if it's not dealt with.
Keep a written record, with times and dates. Talk to your other colleagues, explain how uncomfortable it is making you.

It's horrible, he's an inadequate cunt and I hope they sort

ChaffinchOfDoom Fri 07-Feb-14 20:43:06

yeah - you have witnesses already - the other 3 women horrified by his comments.

agree keep a record and keep the email - all evidence.
anything else done or said, keep it all. Sorry that you're going through this. What an arse he sounds.

pluCaChange Fri 07-Feb-14 20:49:20

Harassing colleagues (you and new starter) and abusing company IT are definitely diciplinary issues. He is disruptive to business, and needs his arse kicking by management.

AroundTheGlobe Fri 07-Feb-14 20:50:47

Thank you everyone. I was worried I was coming across an entitled.

I just genuinely don't understand the reasoning of my manager to place two people together who clearly clash, yet because he wanted to sit there he gets to. I feel like my feelings have just been disregarded.

carlywurly Fri 07-Feb-14 20:55:15

I'm a manager responsible for office seating arrangements and we choose carefully where we seat people - we would avoid a situation like yours like the plague. (Although it wouldn't have got that far tbh)
You don't have to put up with this. Log everything and take it to hr.

pluCaChange Fri 07-Feb-14 20:58:34

Your feelings have been disregarded! Furthermore, your manager can't have any business reason for it - quite the opposite! - so she's making worse a bullying situation, one which is, furthermore, unproductive for business! Maybe your manager needs disciplining as well.

Pardon the exasperated tone, but I really hate bad managers, whether they are doing the bullying, or are just weak. Your manager sounds as though she falls between those two extremes, by appeasing this bully.

grumpyoldbat Fri 07-Feb-14 21:04:08

Unfair on him? What, unfair on him to make his bullying of you more difficult? So angry on your behalf.

SlimJiminy Fri 07-Feb-14 21:16:01

Definitely harassment. Use your OP as the basis for making a formal complaint. Add times and dates. Add the names of witnesses. Send copies to your manager, her manager and/or HR. He is being a complete fuckwit. Don't let this go. I'd be livid if someone I worked with was being treated like this.

theQuibbler Fri 07-Feb-14 21:22:54

It's not unfair; it's bloody outrageous. Since your manager is clearly a waste of space - you're going to have sort it out. As everyone has said - write down what has happened, keep to the facts. Have you kept any evidence e.g. the email that was sent to you? You've got witnesses. Then have another meeting with your manager - explain that you are uncomfortable with the situation and would like to be moved. Immediately. If she refuses; ask her to explain her rationale in writing and escalate the whole thing upwards. Copy in her boss and HR.

This is not on - I'm sorry you are having to deal with this idiot without any back up but you are not in the wrong at all and your firm are not handling this well. Something that would be very apparent if you decided to take it further - leave a leaflet about employment tribunals lying around. That should focus their minds wonderfully.

CaptainHindsight Fri 07-Feb-14 21:23:21

So you declined his date offer and now he has thrown his teddies out of the cot. He must have really wanted you Globe! I think you dodged a bullet there!

Joking aside, it is completely not on. If a member of staff sent internal emails posing as another member of staff that would have been strike 1 for me. The continued bullying and harassment would earn him his marching orders.

Do you still have the email he sent? Would the other colleagues support your claims? Gather all your evidence and witnesses and I would give your boss one last opportunity to examine the evidence presented and act accordingly. If they refuse - go to HR.

CuttingOutTheCrap Fri 07-Feb-14 21:31:59

Was the hacking reported? That would be seen as gross misconduct in my workplace. The fact that the email was sent to you could also be seen as harassment/bullying, particularly because of the awkwardness it resulted in between you and the new member of the team.

Tell your manager you feel harassed and bullied, and that the change in seating (which sounds like it was not necessary for this man's work, just a preference on his part) has made things worse for you. Tell them they need to move him NOW and take serious steps to sort out the problem. If they don't, move yourself and report to HR that you have had to do this because management has not acted.

I have had to deal with this type of situation several times as a manager - it's bloody disgraceful for your complaint to be sidelined like this.
, and for the misconduct with the email to be ignored

LaurieFairyCake Fri 07-Feb-14 21:34:50

I think you should dump the we 'clashed' language. You didn't clash, it's not you doing anything.

It's all him, and you're being bullied. Please raise a grievance.

badtime Fri 07-Feb-14 22:40:18

Put a recording app onto your phone. Every time he says something inappropriate, switch it on and ask him to repeat his comment. If he asks why, tell him you are collecting evidence of his harassment. If he does repeat it, you will have evidence that he is making these comments, and if he doesn't it will be obvious to everyone how cowardly and pathetic he really is.

Either way, keep a written record.

AlpacaPicnic Fri 07-Feb-14 22:41:17

This isn't a clash of personalities... that is what happens when you seat two football fans of opposing teams together, or a scots rugby fan and an english rugby fan during the six nations.

What is happening to you is bullying and harrassment. It needs to be dealt with accordingly. First things first - get it recorded. Keep a diary or record of any dealings you have with him that overstep the mark - anything personal, anything rude or insulting, copy any emails from him into a secure pasworded folder. Evidence, evidence, evidence...

Pilgit Fri 07-Feb-14 23:01:44

Utter rubbish treatment! Some management theory bollocks says throwing people together who clash c an help solve the problem and create more dynamic solutions. The theory is predicated on BOTH people being reasonable and there being no actual bullying.

DunedinGirl Fri 07-Feb-14 23:42:37

This constitutes a sustained campaign of workplace sexual harassment, surely? You need him to be moved away from sitting beside you at the very least. I would have thought he has done enough to be sacked. Or given a written warning at least.

RandyRudolf Sat 08-Feb-14 00:00:00

Managers who know this is happening and do nothing are just bloody incompetent, it makes me so angry

PenguinBear Sat 08-Feb-14 00:09:46

Complain to HR, he sounds like a twat!

AroundTheGlobe Sat 08-Feb-14 00:18:37

Thanks again. It's good to know I'm not overreacting.

Most of these things just got brushed aside as "that's just his sense of humour"

That might be the case, but doesn't mean I have to just laugh it off if it genuinely offends/upsets me.

This might sound childish on my part but I really like where I'm sat and although my manager has offered me the option of moving - I just feel like I was there first so why should I feel upset and uncomfortable to the point of moving.

The only options my manager gave me were - Move myself, or deal with it because it's unfair to move him.

LondonNicki Sat 08-Feb-14 00:25:25

Those are not your only options. Your manager is a have the option of raising a grievance against him for harassment as the previous posters mentioned - I work in HR. Please speak to your HR manager about this, you don't have to suffer an uncomfortable situation at work because 'that's just his sense of humour'

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