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to be so annoyed by everything she does..

(21 Posts)
jane1995 Fri 07-Feb-14 20:26:42

so 8mo DS' dads mother (nanna) has had 6 children, yet seems to be putting my son in dangerous situations everytime I take him round. she holds him upside down, she lets him chew on her phone (bearing in mind he has an autoimmune disease so he gets ill very easily off even small amounts of germs which her phone will be covered in) she smokes next to him, she even gave him a bottle of nail varnish which had dried dribbles of varnish down the side to chew on! I said he shouldn't be chewing on that! she replied with 'its not like its open' so I took him off her and she just looked at me like im a snob. she does things like this all the time and im constantly having to literally take him off her because of all these stupid things shes doing! im more worried for when he starts talking as she swears all the time and her other grandkids have picked up words from her in the past.. dont know how ro tackle the situation

pluCaChange Fri 07-Feb-14 20:51:58

Are you being pressured to take him round? If not, stop! She may see him in neutral surroundings; perhaps she'll behave better in public, or someone else's house? She sounds dangerous and unpleasant.

deakymom Fri 07-Feb-14 20:57:22

im not sure she is doing it on purpose she just doesnt get the autoimmune disease problem? although holding him upside down is really off!! (and strange does she have mental issues?)

i wouldnt take him over find an excuse say your ill vote with your feet?

NatashaBee Fri 07-Feb-14 20:59:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rockybalboa Fri 07-Feb-14 21:10:46

She sounds like a nightmare. The smoking would be a deal breaker for me. What does DS's dad say about it?

UriGeller Fri 07-Feb-14 21:17:16

It can be hard to contemplate a time before we were so clued up about child development. Nanna comes from this time, long long ago.

It doesn't mean her behaviour can be excused, in any way, but rather, she needs educating about life in the 21st century.

I would tell her, carry on telling her how things are these days. If she doesn't want to change after that then that's up to her. Personally I wouldn't let any child of mine be around a smoker.

jane1995 Fri 07-Feb-14 21:18:21

no im still with my sons dad, but hes that type of annoying bloke where he thinks everything his mother says/does is always right no matter what anyone says & hell always listen to her over anyone else, even a doctor. ive been trying to see her outdoors like for a walj or something but she will never move off her sofa..

Tuhlulah Fri 07-Feb-14 21:35:16

Definitely no smoking in the presence of any child, never mind one with autoimmune issue. Just read up on it -the amount of toxins that your child can pick up just off the clothes of a person who had been smoking elsewhere is enough to spark an asthma attack in a susceptible child.

I was smoked over all my childhood. It is disgusting. My parents' excuse could at least have been ignorance due to the times, but this woman has the benefit of modern knowledge.

I wouldn't even let your child go in that house if she smokes in it. And I NEVER say things like that. Even if she was mother Teresa, if she smoked its would still be a non-no for me.

Tuhlulah Fri 07-Feb-14 21:37:35

I presume the holding him upside down is her just playing with him? I don't see a problem with that if she is careful, he is safe and enjoys it. But if he lets him eat nail varnish, then I guess she might just not notice which end his head is?

jane1995 Fri 07-Feb-14 21:39:43

UriGeller shes only 47 she had my ds dad when she was 17 and her youngest is 8 so she should know the dangers of everything, shes just thick less knowledgeable and ignorant. & yeah ive always been extremely cautious about 2nd hand smoke but there s just no avoiding it when it comes to her, I can tell itl go down very badly if I ask her to not smoke when we're there

jane1995 Fri 07-Feb-14 21:43:09

tuhlulah with his autoimmune disease he frequently comes out in rashes and has pain and swelling in his legs (its to do with blood cells attaking each other) so it will cause him more discomfort as hes sposed to rest alot, she knows this also but doesn't listen

Tuhlulah Fri 07-Feb-14 21:53:54

jane, then she isn't fit to be near him. I am so sorry to say that, but its true and you know it is too, don't you. You are the only person in the whole wide world who can protect your child from unsafe and unhealthy behaviour. You can do one of two things:
1. Explain to her what the problems are. Make her see. Show her on-line stuff, get her to go to the GP with you, whatever it takes. Tell her if she doesn't listen you will not let her see him.
2. Just stop contact now. If she wants to see him surely she can make the effort to not smoke on him or dangle him causing him health issues.

Because, you see, she's only 47, and even through she smokes she might live another 30 years! So that would be you putting your child and future children at risk every time she sees them.

What right does she have to behave so irresponsibly? She is bloody well endangering your child's health. You are SO entitled to insist that this stops right now. What will you do if your son's health deteriorates (God forbid). You will blame yourself.

JenBehavingBadly Fri 07-Feb-14 21:55:49

My MIL did that kind of thing. She once let him play with a tub of caustic soda as it made a nice rattly nose. GAH. I just didn't let her alone with him.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Fri 07-Feb-14 21:59:12

Just refuse to take him there!

If your P complains, tell him: 'You know how you're scared of upsetting that woman you call mother? Well guess what, I'm one of those scary mothers now too. And when she's long gone, I'll still be here and still be scary, and I'm the one you have to live with, too. Her smoking makes him ill - tell her to visit us here.'

Tuhlulah Fri 07-Feb-14 21:59:42

I stopped my own mother picking up DS when he was a baby, because she was very elderly and she had a crippling condition in her hands which meant she couldn't hold properly. I was afraid she might drop him. I know it upset her. And she's been gone for 10 years and I do so regret it, but I have the luxury of regretting it because DS is a strapping 12 year old who wasn't dropped on his head.

You are your child's only protector because you have said your DP will side with his mother.

Mintyy Fri 07-Feb-14 22:04:30

Wow a great grandma at 47? Has she applied to the Guinness Book of Records?

Tuhlulah Fri 07-Feb-14 22:09:01

Try again Minty. She is DS nanna, and DP's mother. smile

Mintyy Fri 07-Feb-14 22:15:41

Ah, so she means dp's mother? Well, of course, smoking indoors is the thing that you can use as a 100% valid reason for not visiting.

Lora1982 Fri 07-Feb-14 22:28:17

Ooh I let rip when dps mum sparked up a fag in the kitchen while we were there. She should have listened and learned the first time I told her. Now she behaves!

Pigsmummy Fri 07-Feb-14 22:54:05

Why do you refer to him as "my sons Dad" when he is your partner?

Also just because she had six children does not make her a good mother?.

jane1995 Sat 08-Feb-14 22:23:13

yeah I know I do need to make a serious decision on wether to take him there anymore, I dont stand for it and do take him off her when she does silly things but it just keeps happening something new every time which isnt good enough. I know it will cause massive problems between everyone in the family, but my sons health comes before anything.. and I didnt think it was a problem about how I refer to 'my partner' & I know it doesnt make her a good mother, im meaning she has six kids so youd think she'd be abit smarter and wiser than she is

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