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To think lying about not being biological father is really scraping the bottom of the barrel?

(44 Posts)
MeepMeepVrooooom Fri 07-Feb-14 17:12:54

ExH has no contact with DD. Has thus far never paid a penny towards her (she is 2.5)

I put in a claim with CMS and he has now told CMS that he isn't her biological father. He bloody well knows she is his daughter.

Due to the fact that we were married at the time DD was born and he is on her birth certificate they are not taking his claim seriously and will continue with their case. Apparently this is quite a frequent way NRP try to get out of paying child maintenance.

This really is pretty low isn't it? Regardless of the fact CMS aren't taking it seriously I still want to smoosh his face. It isn't about the money, it isn't even about him implying that I was sleeping with someone else. It's the bloody fact that he really cares so little about our daughter he is willing to lie about that, and for what? To not part with a precious penny?

Whereisegg Fri 07-Feb-14 17:22:38

My dd is 10 and her father said the same when I was pg.

I have to say, I found it quite amusing as of all the guys I knew and met through work (bar work), he told everyone it was the one black guy that we knew.

I mean, how stupid?!
Of all the white men he could have picked, and no one would have known if he was telling the truth or not.
He clearly never considered the fact that she would be white.

MeepMeepVrooooom Fri 07-Feb-14 17:42:49

grin maybe I should ask who this mystery man of mine is. He couldn't be a worse father than my ex anyway.

I'm crossed between laughing because it's so ridiculous and the above mentioned face smooshing.

If there was even the teeniest, tiniest possibility I would have spent the last 2.5 years trying to prove it in order to be rid once and for all.

I just can't believe CMS said it was quite common for NRP fathers stock say this.

MeepMeepVrooooom Fri 07-Feb-14 17:43:59

To not stock confused

KateSpade Fri 07-Feb-14 17:46:19

Been their, bought the T-shirt.

No claims through CMS though, as I realised I was so much better off alone!

Any man who says that isn't worth spitting on!

DangerousBeanz Fri 07-Feb-14 17:49:09

My exh never paid a penny for our SA and never once saw him after we split up. He said the same thing. My DS is wonderful young man. So much better for not having my ex and his toxic family in his life.

MeepMeepVrooooom Fri 07-Feb-14 17:53:34

I was really in two minds about a claim but family/friends and posts I read on MN really encouraged it.

I actually regretted it almost instantly because of hassle I got from ex but have stuck with it as I don't want to back down from his attempt at intimidation.

Thankfully he won't be involved with DD regardless of whether he pays anything or not. She is 100% better off not having him in her life.

MeepMeepVrooooom Fri 07-Feb-14 20:28:50


I just received a text message from ExH saying the following:-

"Think you'll get a penny from me for your brat, told them she wasn't mine. Go fuck yourself*

Think it's safe to say I no longer want to smoosh his face. That is nowhere near painful enough.

I'm guessing he doesn't realise yet that they are ignoring his lies. What to do? I feel like I should resist the very strong urge to reply and just let them handle it. What do you think?

HarryTheHungryHippo Fri 07-Feb-14 20:39:50

Oh my god what a wanker. As tempting as it is don't engage with him, you'll be the last one laughing when he realises his lies will get him nowhere.
Your poor dd, what a total cunt of a man

RandomMess Fri 07-Feb-14 20:43:13

Do not engage, he's goading you.

Been there as well, dd has made contact with her bio dad now she is an adult. Denying paternity is one of things she wishes to discuss with him face to face!

MeepMeepVrooooom Fri 07-Feb-14 20:46:33

Will leave it, have switched my phone off for the night because I know that it won't be the last message. He occasionally pipes up when drunk. Had 6 missed calls from a private number over night last night too so presuming that it was him then as well.

It's so bloody hard not to retaliate when he speak about my little girl like that. It goes against every instinct I have but I know it's stupid to enter in to a slanging match too. Bloody fuming.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Fri 07-Feb-14 20:47:15

Wait until the first deduction from his account, then send that text back to him, with a follow-up text:

'Thought you'd like to have your text back. Afraid it's got no relevance to me... as your bank account now shows. Mwah'

2beornot Fri 07-Feb-14 20:50:06

If that's the case, will he give up parental responsibility? I've never been in your position but I'd rather have nothing to do with a total wanker like that if I could.

Your poor dd

MeepMeepVrooooom Fri 07-Feb-14 20:53:23

I did look into that but from what I saw it isn't as straight forward as I thought for someone to give up their PR. I might have seen wrong or outdated information on it though.

If I could do it I would in a heartbeat. Like I said I regretted the CMS claim almost immediately. I have thought about cancelling the claim too but it feels like giving in to his bullying.

2beornot Fri 07-Feb-14 20:59:15

He just seems like the type to turn up in a few years demanding to get his money's worth, probably telling everyone that you won't let him see her.

MeepMeepVrooooom Fri 07-Feb-14 21:13:29

He already does tell everyone that. Luckily the majority of people know us both and they know it hasn't been the case before.

However, he will never have contact again unless he goes to court. And he isn't the type to do that, besides from anything, he doesn't care about DD enough to go to the expense or effort. Hopefully for her sake that won't change anytime soon because she truly is better off without him.

Part of me just wants to move away and never tell him where we are but my life is here. My family, friends, home, work. I wish he would vanish of the face of the planet.

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 07-Feb-14 21:20:26

Just ignore and let the CMS deal.

He does get to have the shitty attitude but he shouldn't get deprive your child of additional funds.

MeepMeepVrooooom Fri 07-Feb-14 21:23:15

I know Sock just wish he'd keep his shitty attitude to himself. Do you think I should keep going with the claim then?

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 07-Feb-14 21:26:55

Yes I absolutely do,with out a doubt.

Perhaps one day he will get syphilis and not get it treated.

mumandboys123 Fri 07-Feb-14 21:28:03

My ex did this. When it came down to it, he didn't go ahead with the DNA testing. I couldn't tell you why but I would hazard a guess it's because he realised that paying to find out something he already knew was pretty pointless. He likes to hang on to his money!

I wouldn't close your case. You have nothing to hide. Go through with a DNA test and then sit back whilst they collect direct from his wages (assuming he's not self employed - my ex is so we've never had a penny) and just smile to yourself every time you get your bank statement. They're scum. Pure scum and don't deserve beautiful, healthy children.

I was very angry aobut this for a long, long time. Don't let it bother you. It's very much his problem, not yours. Laugh at him and move on from it. (And keep those texts, they may help you show your little one exactly what dad was like in the years to come). Good luck!

MeepMeepVrooooom Fri 07-Feb-14 21:29:28

Perhaps one day he will get syphilis and not get it treated

grin I can hope.

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 07-Feb-14 21:31:57

I have several clients whose ex's sent other people to the appointment!

MeepMeepVrooooom Fri 07-Feb-14 21:32:57

There is no DNA test to be done. The fact that we were married and he is on DDs birth certificate is apparently enough proof.

I suppose he maybe could appeal against it or something but not sure if it's even possible. I have never looked into this side of the system.

The way things are doesn't bother me in the slightest, what bothers me is messages like the one he sent which are so nasty about my child. For that I could kill him, I won't obviously but feel like I could right now.

I know I'll calm down in a day or two.

RandomMess Fri 07-Feb-14 21:34:25

If they go down the DNA paternity test it is proved that they are the bio dad then the cost is added to their maintenance bill!

mumandboys123 Fri 07-Feb-14 21:36:49

We were married and my ex was on the birth certificate - I'll never know what he told them but there was a demand for a DNA test. Very annoying - he was the one having the affairs, not me!

I would personally do the DNA test regardless if offered - it puts a stop to any kind of doubt, real or made up.

sockpixie they can send someone else but they have to go with a photograph that is signed by the person taking the swabs as a 'true likeness'. In the event things don't go quite as planned, my understanding is that you get to see the photographs.

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