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to treat my DP like my 3rd child?

(9 Posts)
Whitegrenache Fri 07-Feb-14 15:51:24

Obv you are all going to say YABU and i really want to stop but it seems the nagging and doing everything for him is the only way of getting through with him and getting stuff done!

However i think he is getting withdrawn and deliberatly not doing stuff to help me as he is sick of the nagging and he filters it out.

Does that make any sense?

we seem to have got into a cycle of behaviour between us and I need to stop it?

I have a very emotional, expressive personality and I like to talk, he on the otherhand is much more introvert, does not like to talk about stuff and I think he backs down to me to keep the peace iyswim?

We both work full time and have 2 dc aged 4 and 8 however my job has less demands on me and work from home on some days so tend to get housekeeping jobs done, whilst he is self employed and works extemely hard and his business is doing ok but he is struggling to pay much money into the household as he needs to pay other business bills. We lost £17k last year when a client failed to pay so financially that hit us like a brick... we mangage ,just, but I am paying the majority of the bills.

If I list all the jobs we contribute to the family the percentage is about 70% me to 30% him which is clearly imbalanced.

So not to drip feed, I suffer from anxiety and stress about how tidy the house and other stupid stuff....I do need to chill out I know...

So to summarise I nag him to do anything, bail him out financially and speak to him like shit at times blush I also fail to want to have sex with him. I think the lack of a sex life is making him hugely resentful of me as he thinks sex makes us closer.

I really dont want to spilt up with him but I need to find some middle ground so that the equality in the relationship is more balanced.

So no LTB please!

Please suugest any ways practical or emotional to help us communicate, we sit night after night in front of the TV on seperate sofas, what else can we do on an evening to become closer?

We had a huge row last night and its getting to breaking point, I have vomited all day and felt dreadful so the stress of it all is really getting to me. Please help sad

Thanks for those who got this far x

AwfulMaureen Fri 07-Feb-14 16:20:35

I think you need to get some counselling for yourself and I also want to ask why you "bail him out financially"? Don't you pool your earnings?

Whitegrenache Fri 07-Feb-14 16:22:50

good question Awful Maureen when that is written down on here it looks awful doesnt it?

I think its cos of the resentfulness I feel. But you're right we should and have usually always pooled our earning

Joysmum Fri 07-Feb-14 16:23:42

I think you'd get more help if you post this in 'Relationships', AIBU really isn't the best place wink

LyndaCartersBigPants Fri 07-Feb-14 16:32:02

Sit together in the evening for a start. Being physically close, hugging/hand holding is important if you want intimacy later. I used to tell XH that if I wanted to shag a virtual stranger i could go down the pub and find one. I wanted closeness and affection from the person I was expected to have sex with.

Also tell him that as you're not a paedophile, you don't want sex with a man-child. If he acts like one of the grown ups he gets treated like one. Explain that if he expects you to pick up after him like one of the DCs or huffs and puffs when he's asked to help that it's a huge turn off.

chrome100 Fri 07-Feb-14 16:34:35

I think you need to chill out. There are far, far more important things in life than having an immaculate home - like enjoying each other's company, having quality time together, having fun.

I house share with my DP and another couple. The place is often a state. I find it unsettling and irritating. But I also know that really, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. No one will die. I'd rather spend my evenings enjoying my DP than nagging him to tidy his socks away.

Whitegrenache Fri 07-Feb-14 19:58:23

It's hard to chill out though when you have anxiety

Fairenuff Fri 07-Feb-14 21:51:37

Have you ever tried treating him as an adult?

deakymom Fri 07-Feb-14 22:20:15

sounds awful ive gone through periods like this fake it till you make it try treating him like a husband its tough but the only way to get back on track

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