Advanced search

to be fed up to be asked to contribute yet again to a present for a person who wants to celebrate her birthday every year ?

(42 Posts)
mypocketsarevide Fri 07-Feb-14 13:49:59

Every single year she makes a big deal out of her birthday...every single year I'm asked to contribute to a present..we are talking 20/25 pounds each...I don't want to do it anymore but I feel I'm going to be looked down on because of it..

I'm happy to contribute for an important birthday but every birthday ????

Would you be fed up too ? We are not children anymore !!

shoom Fri 07-Feb-14 13:52:11

You've not given enough info. Who is "she"?
Your daughter?
Your mum?
Someone you dislike?

TheDoctorsNewKidneys Fri 07-Feb-14 13:52:56

Why does MN have an obsession with adults not being allowed to enjoy their birthdays?

I would object to spending £25 on a present, but not to someone wanting to celebrate their birthday hmm

AMumInScotland Fri 07-Feb-14 13:53:48

Just stop!

I can't think of any set of circumstances where you should feel you 'have to' pay out that much for a birthday present for another adult.

Somehow, I don't imagine she does anything similar for your birthday...

ThePearShapedToad Fri 07-Feb-14 13:54:22

Well maybe this person likes her birthdays. I know I hate mine, but other people have great fun on theirs smile And you don't have to be a child to have fun!

Without any extra info, sounds like you're a bit jealous op

Maybe suggest everyone has a big party for your special day, then you won't feel like you're missing out.

mypocketsarevide Fri 07-Feb-14 13:54:51

It's a friend I really like, if I was rich, I'll do it without batting an eyelid but I'm not...I feel under pressure to give something even if I don't go to her party.

mypocketsarevide Fri 07-Feb-14 13:56:32

She can celebrate her birthday, off course she can, but last time I went, it ended up costing me a fortune and I'm not a big drinker.

mypocketsarevide Fri 07-Feb-14 13:58:15

The pear, what extra info do you need smile, I'm not jealous..I'm just fed up being asked to contribute yet again, it's not an important milestone.

AMumInScotland Fri 07-Feb-14 13:58:33

What does she do for your birthday?

shoom Fri 07-Feb-14 13:59:59

Just suggest the two of you do something else instead. Then you're in charge of the budget.

No need to be so cryptic! It sounds like she wants to go out to dinner or do an activity. If you don't want to spend money on it then you don't have to.

YABU to think a good friend shouldn't celebrate her birthday.

mypocketsarevide Fri 07-Feb-14 14:01:11

Nothing special for my birthday because I don't want to...I hate being the center of attention (I'm too fugly)...I think what I mean is that I don't mind treating her, I just want to do it in my own terms..and not feeling forced to contribute to a general gift.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Fri 07-Feb-14 14:01:24

She can celebrate as much as she likes, that's up to her.

But you don't have to contribute if you don't want to or can't afford to.

Say no. It's your choice.

ThePearShapedToad Fri 07-Feb-14 14:01:33

So make her a present / just get a card, either go to her party if you want to or don't....

Why don't you suggest if everyone else is insistent about chipping in for a present that the money goes towards drinks at the bar or dinner, then you all get to benefit and the birthday girl still gets a night out?

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 07-Feb-14 14:01:47

Who is asking you to contribute? And why did her party end up being expensive?

YABU I think. If you don't want to participate then don't.

TodayIsAGoodDay Fri 07-Feb-14 14:01:58

I take it she doesn't buy you an equivalent present for your birthday? If that's the case then YANBU.

I realise that this will probably bring in a flood of comments along the lines of 'you shouldn't give a present just to get one back' etc etc. But what kind of person takes presents year after year without reciprocating?!

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Fri 07-Feb-14 14:02:37

Just say you will sort out your own need to put in £25 or whatever but if you don't actually say anything to the person sorting it then they won't know. You do it every year, they probably think you don't mind.

Just get her a card and a bunch of flowers, no need for a massive collection.

mypocketsarevide Fri 07-Feb-14 14:02:53

Really don't mean to be cryptic !! She can celebrate it but why does it have to be an expensive affair all the time ?

Hissy Fri 07-Feb-14 14:02:56

Who is asking you to contribute to a present? why don't you just buy her something you want to give her?

RonaldMcDonald Fri 07-Feb-14 14:03:37


You have free will <one would hope> simply decline the offer and purchase a card instead

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Fri 07-Feb-14 14:04:22

Because she wants it to be.

Again, say no if you don't want to contribute.

Calloh Fri 07-Feb-14 14:04:36

Is there someone else asking you to contribute? I think you should just say to that person that you want to do your own thing this year.

Do you want to go to the night out?

Mim78 Fri 07-Feb-14 14:05:25

You don't have to contribute the the general PRESE t. You don't have to go if don't want to. I imgains she is not the one asking for the contribution anyway.

mypocketsarevide Fri 07-Feb-14 14:06:31

I like giving, I just like to do it on my own terms and to chose the amount I'd like to spend. I'll giver her something meaningful but cheaper than usual as I'm on a really tight budget at the moment.

waterlego Fri 07-Feb-14 14:07:52

So just tell whoever is doing the collection that you're too skin to join in and are going to do your own thing.

waterlego Fri 07-Feb-14 14:08:04

Skint, not skin smile

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: