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AIBU to have mentioned this at parents evening?

(38 Posts)
teaandcakesagoodmummakes Thu 06-Feb-14 20:40:39

Had parents evening tonight for my DD aged 6. All has gone well, lovely comments made about her, working on target etc. Teacher asked if I had anything else I wanted to ask. Now two weeks ago she came out of school on Friday and we were halfway home and she started crying, I asked what was wrong and she showed me her neck which had scratch marks on,, one quite deep, was red and skin taken off, my DD said another girl in her class had scratched her on the neck while she was on the carpet for no reason and she had told the TA who asked the child to apologise and missed 2 minutes of her playtime. I was annoyed that I hadn't been informed about this on collection of my DD and felt I should have been made aware of what had happened especially as there are marks on her body and she was upset about it. I went back to the school and asked to speak to the teacher to find out what had happened and TA came to speak to us, she confirmed that my DD account was correct, the scratching was unprovoked and she said she meant to speak to me at the end of the day but other children were crying and she forgot. She also said she couldn't understand why my DD was so upset at bit happened that morning and she seemed five all afternoon and seemed quite dismissive. Anyway tonight I mentioned it and asked that if anything similar happened again could I please be informed or be given an accident/incident report so I know how she has come to have marks on her. She seemed annoyed at this request and pulled a face, she said yes they would next time but that day it was manic and it got forgotten. Fair enough I know classrooms are busy places but I feel they have a duty if care to my child and if an incident that has resulted in a minor injury should be recorded and shared with parents. If I hasn't gone back I wouldn't have known till Monday what had happened. Just rattled by her reaction really and she made me feel as though I was being precious and over protective, feeling a bit low at the moment do wondering if I am overreacting? AIBU?

wombat22 Thu 06-Feb-14 20:42:43

YANBU. They have a duty of care for your DD and you have the right to be informed of any incidents

teaandcakesagoodmummakes Thu 06-Feb-14 20:42:44

Sorry littered with spelling mistakes, hard to type on my phone

DrankSangriaInThePark Thu 06-Feb-14 20:44:25

You should have spoken to the teacher 2 weeks ago, not waited till tonight if you wanted to clarify with her about the situation I think.

Is your daughter still very traumatised by the incident?

Janethegirl Thu 06-Feb-14 20:44:47

YANBU, I would expect to be informed in that situation.

junkfoodaddict Thu 06-Feb-14 20:45:08

No you are not BU. Not a total over-reaction. Probably the teacher got rattled because you were right and she was wrong. Sadly, I work with teachers like that. It should be automatic that an 'accident note' was filled soon after the misdemeanor so when things are manic and face-to-face contact cannot be made, parents still get to be informed - even if it is very brief!

bodygoingsouth Thu 06-Feb-14 20:52:36

think it's always best to see the teacher as soon as the incident happens rather than waiting 2 weeks.

I am a TA and kids do get scratched and hit by other kids. a form should have been filled in and given to you. communication should have been better.

I have found that the younger/non mum teachers and TAs don t really get the upset mother syndrome. to be effective with younger children you have to know how to deal effectively with parents that's the key. warm good communication.

hope your dd is ok.

cansu Thu 06-Feb-14 20:53:45

I think you proabably should have complained at the time, which it sounds like you did because you went back and ta came to speak to you. I don't think the parents evening is the time to discuss this. Plus I do think you are over reacting. Your dd told you what happened. The TA dealt with the other child. What more could they have done?

CoffeeTea103 Thu 06-Feb-14 21:07:29

Yabu to have brought it up at the parents meeting. If you've left it for two weeks to ask to be informed of any more incidents then why bring it up now.

teaandcakesagoodmummakes Thu 06-Feb-14 21:16:36

Well parents eve is the only time to speak about concerns really, she's not available to talk to after school. I know it was dealt with as such but I didn't get to speak to her directly and this was the only opportunity I have had, I could have gone to head but didn't want to make a big fuss but talk to her teacher about it first.

DoJo Thu 06-Feb-14 21:18:58

I agree that YANBU to have been concerned and wanted reassurance that it wouldn't happen again, but it would have been better addressed as soon as you knew what had happened rather than leaving it for two weeks.

CrohnicallyFarting Thu 06-Feb-14 21:20:20

Not available ever after school? Even if you make an appointment? Or for 2 minutes so you can say 'I really need to speak to you about something, when would be the best time?'

winterhat Thu 06-Feb-14 21:25:43


BalloonSlayer Thu 06-Feb-14 21:31:42

"Not available ever after school? Even if you make an appointment? Or for 2 minutes so you can say 'I really need to speak to you about something, when would be the best time?' "

. . . a lot of people - myself included - might have done that at any time of year, but at this time would have thought "oh well, parents' evening is in a couple of weeks, I'll mention it then" and that's what the OP has done.

pixiepotter Thu 06-Feb-14 21:33:56

YABU.There is not time at parents evening for this sort of thing

missymayhemsmum Thu 06-Feb-14 21:40:05

YANBU, but the TA and teacher have apologised and acknowledged that they didn't do what they should have done. They forgot because keeping tabs on 30 kids and remembering to tell parents who hit who earlier in the day is flipping hard and yr DD didn't seem massively upset and they're only human?

At this time distance presumably you can assess- it hasn't happened again, there were appropriate consequences for the other child, so unless you think DD is being bullied and is suffering I'd let it go.

teaandcakesagoodmummakes Thu 06-Feb-14 21:41:03

I knew parents evening was coming up and thought this would be an ideal time to raise it with her without involving senior management, and at the end if the day she doesn't come out of the classroom, the TA brings then out, I have a toddler who needs picking up straight after so it's difficult. Maybe I am unreasonable then.

winterhat Thu 06-Feb-14 21:41:09

Parents evening should be about all aspects of school life, not just academic work. This qualifies.

KatherinaMinola Thu 06-Feb-14 21:45:35

"Pulled a face"? hmm She's being unprofessional. You were perfectly reasonable to raise the matter.

teaandcakesagoodmummakes Thu 06-Feb-14 21:46:56

To be fair we waited 40 minutes for our appointment at she was running late and we after 5 mins of our allotted 10 mins she had finished talking and asked if I had any concerns. I just want to be assured my child is looked after and I am informed, it does appear an isolated incident but I think I have a right as a parent to be informed and it had affected my dd as she doesn't understand why it happened and mentions it daily and is worried it will happen again, so I though it a concern I should mention.

KatherinaMinola Thu 06-Feb-14 21:51:08

It is totally reasonable. And if anything, the teacher will now be aware of what could (potentially) turn into a bullying situation - and will know that you know about it, which will focus her concentration - and might be able to nip it in the bud.

HopeS01 Thu 06-Feb-14 21:52:42

YANBU, parents evening is an appropriate time to discuss concerns

moominmarvellous Thu 06-Feb-14 22:13:49

YANBU you're there to discuss how your child is at school so the incident you describe is part of it.

Something similar happened to my DD, she was slapped, strangled and hit on the head with the corner of a book by the same child in three seperate occasions - first I heard each time was either from DD or her friends at pick up. Nothing from the school at all, but when she bumped her elbow in the playground I got a phonecall at work to let me know.

Sometimes it seems as though these things are dodged, so I think you did the right thing bringing it up.

CrohnicallyFarting Thu 06-Feb-14 22:32:49

I didn't say you were unreasonable.

Just look at it from the teacher's point of view. She is already running 40 minutes late. You bring up something that appears to have been a one-off, 2 weeks ago, that the TA had already spoken to you about and explained why you hadn't been informed, and so she thought it was dealt with. Can you see why she might have been a bit flustered or caught on the wrong foot, so to speak?

You could have said about needing to be informed about incidents to the TA 2 weeks ago. You could have asked the TA if you could speak to the teacher. You could have sent in a note via DD. The fact that you did none of those things suggests to the teacher that it has been sorted.

OddFodd Thu 06-Feb-14 22:39:12

Any decent teacher shouldn't be flustered by anything a parent raises, particularly if a child is injured.

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