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AIBU to take DS (7) out of school for an afternoon so that I can go to an appointment?

(51 Posts)
WeAreEternal Thu 06-Feb-14 10:40:47

The apointment is for tomorrow.
I cant reschedule the appointment (medical related) as they can't fit me in again until late March, I only got this appointment because someone else canceled last minute.
I really need this apointment, I have been waiting for two months already.

The appointment is in a city 90 minutes away at 2 PM, and is expected to last 1-2 hours, there is no way I would be able to get back in time to collect DS from school.
I don't have anyone who can collect him for me, I have asked but nobody is free.

My only option is to take DS with me. I could take him to school for the morning and then collect him before lunch.

My problem is that I do not want to explain to the school what the appointment is for, it is personal and I don't feel that it is any of their business.
They have history of difficultness and I am concerned that they could refuse to let DS have the afternoon off to attend my appointment.
Although I'm not sure what they could actually do.

Can the school refuse to let me take him out of school in the middle of the day?

I don't like the idea of him missing school, but I really need this appointment.

I am tempted to just call in the morning and say he is ill, but I know that is unreasonable.
And if anyone remembers my other thread they wouldn't believe it anyway without proof.
(Yes the school require proof is a DC is off school sick)

SPsMrLoverManSHABBA Thu 06-Feb-14 10:42:21

Just don't send him in, tell them you have a personal appointment. That's all they need to know

redskyatnight Thu 06-Feb-14 10:46:08

Is there really no one who can have him? Would another parent of a child in his class take him (I'd happily do this if asked)? I don't think you're unreasonable to take him if really no other option, but I'd worry what DS would be doing while you were at the appointment - 1-2 hours is a long time to sit about, and you don't really want to be worrying about him when you should be focussing on you ...

lljkk Thu 06-Feb-14 10:47:32

it's not unreasonable to phone him in sick, it's entirely rational given the circumstances.

Stupid stupid stupid system.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Thu 06-Feb-14 10:49:22

Agree, just don't send him in. You need this appointment, have been waiting ages already so yes go. He's only 7, it will not affect his schooling at all.

sweetheart Thu 06-Feb-14 10:51:19

Could you say that he has a dentist / orthodontist appointment?

mummymeister Thu 06-Feb-14 10:53:36

This is such a stupid change to the law - how awful that you face being criminalised for taking your son out or having to discuss something deeply personal with strangers. I hate, hate hate this with a total passion. if you call in sick you know that they wont believe you, I remember your other thread. I think you might have to bite the bullet and tell them why you have to take him out. cant see anyway out of it but will definitely be right there with you (in spirit) when you do it. good luck you are between a rock and a hard place here.

nannynewo Thu 06-Feb-14 10:54:24

Gosh when I was a child, parents wouldn't think twice about doing this! A girl in my secondary school would have every Friday afternoon off to go away in their caravan. It was just the norm. And yes, this is coming from someone who works in a school setting, but thinks the system is completely ridiculous and dictating.

Keep him off, or give him a half day. Tell them you have a medical appointment, they should not ask what it is, just like a doctors receptionist is not allowed to ask either.

Good luck!

throckenholt Thu 06-Feb-14 10:56:08

Just say he won't be in for the day - we have to attend a medical appointment. That is the truth smile

TamerB Thu 06-Feb-14 10:57:33

There is no need to lie, say that you will be collecting him at lunchtime for a medical appointment. There is no need to go into detail.

Bonsoir Thu 06-Feb-14 10:58:41

I would happily help out another parent in these circumstances - even someone I barely knew. I think the school will think that you ought to be able to find another parent to take your DS after school.

donnie Thu 06-Feb-14 11:00:55

do what throckenholt said smile

throckenholt Thu 06-Feb-14 11:03:19

By the way - given a 90 minute journey and appointment at 2pm - I wouldn't risk picking him up at 12 - I would just keep him off for the whole day.

pixiepotter Thu 06-Feb-14 11:04:12

i'd just phone in saying he is sick
To answer your question though they obviously cannot prevent you from picking up your child

dozily Thu 06-Feb-14 11:09:12

Do you have email addresses for the other parents in the class? I'm sure one of them would be happy to take him home and give him some tea. Better than him spending 3 hours travelling.

WeAreEternal Thu 06-Feb-14 11:10:20

There really is no one.
I only know two parents at school and they are not able to help, I have asked everyone I can think of but nobody is free. I even called local childminders but they don't do one off pick ups and the after school club he usually goes to is full (it was the first thing I checked).

I already asked about taking him, they said it's fine to bring DS, they have a small waiting room with toys and books which is directly in front of the reception desk, the receptionist said she would be happy to keep an eye on him, it's only for that doctor so there won't be lots of other people waiting there.
or I am welcome to have him in the appointment with me if I would rather.
I'm going to take the iPad so he will have something to do.

I know it's not ideal but I don't really have another option.

I could say he has a dentist appointment, but I don't like lying, and if they asked DS if he'd been to the dentist he would say no, and I don't want to give them any reason not to trust me in the future.
But I could probably get away with saying he is full of cold and has a temperature, because he does have a cold.

frugalfuzzpig Thu 06-Feb-14 11:12:11

I'd just tell the truth. My DC's school would be understanding I think. Although they do know about my health problems - I told them when I got ill as I feel they should be aware of anything that might affect the DCs (emotionally as well as practically)

Is there really nobody who can pick DS up for you? Could he go to a classmate's house for tea? (I say this, but I would find it very difficult to ask as I hate asking favours)

WeAreEternal Thu 06-Feb-14 11:13:19

No I don't have the email addresses or phone numbers of any other parents, DS goes to the breakfast/after school club most days so I don't even know most of the parents to say hello to, I really don't feel I could ask a complete stranger to take my DS home.

frugalfuzzpig Thu 06-Feb-14 11:14:29

Sorry Xpost about the school friends. In that case I'd just be honest. You can say that you have a long-awaited medical appt, they don't need to know what for if you don't want.

Or ask if the school can send out a message asking for help. This has been done before for a parent having surgery, somebody was able to take their DC to school during recovery time

HeGrewWhiskersOnHisChin Thu 06-Feb-14 11:14:46

Give him the day off and tell them he's sick.

My DD is sick today because DS threw up in the car all over himself on the way to dropping DD to school.

We were already running late because of the extra traffic on the road thanks to the tube strike.

After cleaning up DS, getting DD to school would have made me late for a medical appointment that I could not afford to miss.

Saying she was sick and giving her the day off was a lot easier than explaining and being told to plan my day better. confused

bodygoingsouth Thu 06-Feb-14 11:17:11

I would most certainly keep him off.

I have read your posts before and just can't understand the school asking your proof of absence for 1 day.

where do you get it from as no doctor would be bothered to do this, not sure how they enforce it. no sensible HT or governing body I know of requires this. mine gave been to 6 schools between them over the years and no school has ever been this daft.

just ring up, say he's not attending today and say its personal and private.

think you are in awe of the school to he honest op. remember you are the customer here. you can go elsewhere.

lookingfoxy Thu 06-Feb-14 11:18:20

I would just give him the full day off and say he was sick.

Bramshott Thu 06-Feb-14 11:19:23

I would be tempted to tell even DS that he's sick blush. Take a look at him in the morning, say "ooh, you look a bit peaky, let me take your temperature", and then "hmm, your temp is a bit high, I think you'd better stay off school today".

TamerB Thu 06-Feb-14 11:21:49

I predict that government policy is going to produce a lot of lying. I would not want my children to get the idea that if you want to do something else you phone in sick.
There is no problem. Tell them, don't ask, that you are collecting at lunch for a medical appointment. You do not have to explain anything further.

WeAreEternal Thu 06-Feb-14 11:23:32

Thanks for all of the replies.

It's standard with the school now, whenever a DC is off ill the ask you to provide proof upon return to school, it has to be a doctors note, a prescription, pharmacist note or receipt.
If no proof is provided the absence is marked as an unauthorised holiday.
It's ridiculous, and as a result parents are now sending sick DCs into school (to infect others) because if a DC is sent home I'll you don't need to provide proof.

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