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am I being unreasonable to wonder if this is as good as it gets?

(27 Posts)
arethereanyleftatall Thu 06-Feb-14 09:31:21

I have a dh of 15 years, 2 wonderful little girls whom I adore , and a very happy life. Only issue is is that dh and i enjoy each others company less and less, our conversations are mostly boring, and we would both prefer just to be on our phones of an evening, nothing to chat about anyway. We don't really argue, live pretty much domestically in harmony, have no financial issues, and both have an individual hobby which we enjoy, and are fair when it comes to spending time in our hobbies/looking after girls. We have plenty of family time too, so all good. Shagging is rare but good when happens, my fault, low sex drive. aibu to expect a relationship where, movie style, I run in to his arms and give him a massive snog at the end of each day? I just wondered how many others have relationships like this, do you stay together, it split up?

twofingerstoGideon Thu 06-Feb-14 10:07:08

Is there a hobby or interest you could do together? Sorry if that sounds trite, but it seems like you could do with time together apart from the rest of the family? Dancing? Walking?
And maybe try posting this in 'relationships'?

diamondlizard Thu 06-Feb-14 10:08:57

How does your dh feel about your relationship?

arethereanyleftatall Thu 06-Feb-14 10:10:41

I think.you are absolutely right 2fingers. I'll have a think. I posted it here cos you can be sure to get honest responses, I kind of want to hear if I'm being spoilt.

arethereanyleftatall Thu 06-Feb-14 10:13:10

Not a clue lizard. He's not an emotional person and would never talk, to anyone, about stuff like this.

Pigletin Thu 06-Feb-14 10:17:00

Maybe you two could benefit from a holiday together (just the two of you). Relationships require investment and hard work. I would try to get close to him again - spending more time together, discussing things that I normally wouldn't, asking his opinion more often...Unless your relationship has been like this from the beginning, then I would try to go back to the way things were in the beginning.
In the end, only you can decide if it is worth leaving him to look for something else.

painpaingoawaycomeagainanother Thu 06-Feb-14 10:17:33

It sounds like you're a bit bored/listless.. Could it be just a case of the winter blues? Maybe peak to him about feeling a bit disconnected from him but not in a blaming accusatory way (to avoid him being defensive).
Life can be a bit auto pilot sometimes and I think its nice to do something together that gives you a sense of fun.

MorrisZapp Thu 06-Feb-14 10:20:48

He sounds like a decent guy. Do you mind if I have a crack at him?

diamondlizard Thu 06-Feb-14 10:35:09

Has he always been like this.?

arethereanyleftatall Thu 06-Feb-14 10:35:10

Lol, he is!

arethereanyleftatall Thu 06-Feb-14 10:36:26

No, we used to get on fab. I'm going to take all the wonderful advice above, thank you everyone, and book a holiday and activity .

diamondlizard Thu 06-Feb-14 10:37:10

There was a tv drama about this

What was it called ?

It started off it was the wife's last day at work before retiring
And the dh up acted as if nothing was happening
He barely said two words to his wife

Pigletin Thu 06-Feb-14 10:56:57

OP, it sounds like you two have just let things go for a bit there. Definitely try to improve things by spending more time together and doing things you both like. Maybe have some dates, watch a movie together and the discuss it, talk about things not related to the children and daily life. Put some work into it, it will definitely be worth it as it sounds like you have a decent partner.

Best of luck!

Your relationship sounds pretty normal to me.....life is not a moot a movie and no, most couples don't run into each others arms at the end of of every day. If this sort of thing is your expectation that yes you are going to feel short changed and disappointed with your lot.

I have been with my DH for 23 years, love him dearly, we get on very well but sometimes he watches tv and I candy crush.......I quite like it smile

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Thu 06-Feb-14 11:08:11

I think you just both need to put a little bit more effort into having fun together. Recognizing that there is the beginnings of an issue is great though. I second the idea of a joint hobby. It's alright to spend some evenings just doing separate things though. I'll often read a book while DH plays on the internet or watches a film etc. It's normal.

And maybe just give him a snog when you get home. Not as a pre-cursor to anything else. Just cause he's your husband, and you can.

BarkWorseThanBite Thu 06-Feb-14 11:35:35

Why don't you have an affair, and make sure you're found out? That will inject some drama grin

Or how about a gambling habit? A spot of shoplifting?

Innogen Thu 06-Feb-14 12:08:52

In my experience when the kids grow up, all this comes flooding back. Did for us.

Pigletin Thu 06-Feb-14 12:22:47

BarkWorse Why don't you have an affair, and make sure you're found out? That will inject some drama

grin grin grin

BarkWorseThanBite Thu 06-Feb-14 12:49:17

I'm already miserable enough, but thanks for the suggestion Pigletin hmm

arethereanyleftatall Thu 06-Feb-14 12:57:57

Innogen, that's exactly what I wanted to hear, thank you. I'm hanging on for that.
Bark, lol,nice idea, pigliten was just quoting you and smiling btw.
I'm gonna do all of your suggestions, except affair and snogging- poor love can't kiss,, keeps his mouth open, and I've never hadvthe heart to tell him.

LyndaCartersBigPants Thu 06-Feb-14 14:00:36

If you like him, respect him and fancy him enough to have sex occasionally that's a good start!

I found I drifted away from ex because we did separate things in the evenings. Him on his laptop, me on a different sofa watching tv.

With DP we make sure to sit together (even when it means turfing the DCs off the sofa!) and watch tv together or play games on our phones/iPad together. Sitting cuddled up and sharing these little things makes us feel like we're actually together, not just in the same room.

If you enjoy sex maybe you should try and initiate a bit more of that too. I remember someone on here saying it's hard to hate someone you regularly have sex with, so it keeps arguments at bay!

Littleen Thu 06-Feb-14 22:12:35

Put in lots of effort to do exciting things together, have more sex (you don't always have to want to, if you get in a rut you just have to do it anyway, to get back in to it!) and have a hobby etc together.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201206/the-12-ties-bind-long-term-relationships

I found this article to be quite interesting smile

arethereanyleftatall Thu 06-Feb-14 22:27:08

Right, more shagging it is then. Typically, we've just had a really nice evening after I posted that in a grump this morning.
Littleen , are you able to link that article please, I'm not sure how to do it on my phone.

zeezeek Thu 06-Feb-14 22:31:08

You know what, if you are both ok with the way things are and you are happy with your life, then actually it's all cool. Problems start when one person feels unhappy - holidays, etc are good though, but don't stress too much. You're in a long term relationship that is real - movies aren't and besides, you just know, sometimes when you see a movie that the relationship is just so not going to last (or is that just me???).

arethereanyleftatall Thu 06-Feb-14 22:54:30

That's so true zezeek though I never thought.of.movies like that, I will now. Imagine'pretty woman' ten years down the line, or 'dirty dancing'? No way would they still be together. or 'grease'. you're right, none of them.

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