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To be pissed off at ex over seeing the dcs,yet again.

(6 Posts)
feelingvunerable Wed 05-Feb-14 22:39:54

More of a rant really.

H and I are going through a divorce, we are not on speaking terms and some of you may remember my threads in relationships.

To be brief after over 20 years together he left, claiming it was a temporary split, he loved his family he would carry on exactly as before ie sharing running about for dcs, paying mortgage etc etc.

Reality hit when a good friend confided what she had seen ie him with ow, her on his Facebook page and so on.

After confronting him he immediately stopped seeing dcs paying mortgage and everything else he had promised.

Despite my requests and having a solicitors letter he has refused point blank to arrange any contact details what so ever so I will be the sole custordan.

As the dcs are 17, 15, and 12, I have been advised to let them decide weather to have contact with h.

It has been an absolute nightmare for all of us, resulting in dd1 almost having a breakdown. I too am on medication through it all, not least because of him telling dd1 that he will refuse to meet her/pick her up to punish me!

My dilemma is this:
Ow dd is having a christening and he has contacted dcs to invite them.
He has not given any indication of times or how long. He willbe having them for.

The mention of this has made me feel on edge again.

I am more than happy for dcs to see him and ow and her kids, in fact I wish they spent regular time with him. But something inside my gut tells me something is wrong.

I don't really know what I am asking as I don.'t Want to stop them going but feel as if he somehow has a hidden agenda , like a kind of tick list for the courts. Maybe I am paranoid, he has made me very ill and constantly let the dcs down promising them to take them places and then cancelling at the last minute.

Any advice? Sorry if I sound deranged but he was very controlling during our marriage although I didn't realise it at the time.

CoffeeTea103 Wed 05-Feb-14 22:43:09

Sounds like you are having a tough time. So he is willing to see his dc just for them to attend the christening but won't see them otherwise?
What kind of agenda do you think he might have? Are the dc wanting to go though?

DanceParty Wed 05-Feb-14 22:46:34

What an awful dilemma he is putting you all in. He is not thinking of his DC at all. What a vile man.

feelingvunerable Wed 05-Feb-14 22:46:35

Yes coffee that is right. He will only see them with ow and her dcs who are younger than mine and so they don' t do/ go anywhere of interest to my dcs.

I am wondering if he is wanting them ther so it looks like happy families to the outside world perhaps, when the reality is he hasn' seen them this year.

feelingvunerable Wed 05-Feb-14 22:49:16

I know I should legit go but it is easier for me to cut him out entirely and my counsellor has suggested I do this. Either that or himmakesolid arrangement which he has point blank refused to do.

The other thing is I can' t make plans as I don't know when they will be back.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi Wed 05-Feb-14 22:57:21

He sounds awful and I'm so sorry he's putting you through this

I do think that with your dc being those ages it should be entirely up to them if they go or not

Try to detach completely, all contact requests can go through your dc with them just checking with you if they are available. If he tries to get to you through the dc don't let him

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