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AIBU?

to tell him he shouldn't come on holiday?

38 replies

nosickplease · 05/02/2014 17:50

Joined this forum just for AIBU!

Short story:
my other half just came back from a short trip with his parents. During this trip (on monday) his dad came down with a nasty vomiting bug. This morning my OH came down with it too, though he doesn't seem to have it so badly. He is still at the tablespoons of water/no food stage. We don't live together so I haven't seen him since he caught the bug.

Now the dilemma. We are supposed to be going on a group ski trip tomorrow, staying in a cabin with 8 other people (and one bathroom!). Everyone is a bit jittery about potentially getting the bug, as they're so contagious it's hard to completely remove the risk (esp if same bathroom) and we only have 4 days abroad and don't want to lose some of them in a pukefest.

My boyfriend called the doctor, who thought it was probably relatively minor and if he had no symptoms tomorrow he'd be ok. (I'm a little sceptical that a) this will be the case b) he'd not be contagious even so)

We could potentially cancel and be covered by insurance, boyfriend wouldn't have to pay excess on his travel insurance, I would have to pay 100. But I still want to go! If I cancelled my bf would probably feel terribly bad and organise another holiday (though the one we have got is an unusual one which would be hard to replicate - Norway)

What should I do? Would it be awful to tell him he shouldn't come if he still has residual symptoms tomorrow? Should I be telling him that anyway?? Should I just cancel and suck up the 100 and the loss of the holiday? It's stressing me out quite a bit and I'd worry about spending the whole holiday obsessively cleaning / watching people for signs of illness...

OP posts:

Report

LaurieFairyCake · 05/02/2014 17:53

Go without him

Or is that too obvious?

I'd tell him if he was remotely sick between now and when you leave that he should not go for the good of the group.

nosickplease · 05/02/2014 17:58

well yes, that's my preferred option, just checking it's not being a drama queen / stressing over nothing if he insists he feels fine (and it probably will pass in 24 hours or so...)

OP posts:

BlackDaisies · 05/02/2014 18:40

Well I think there's no way he should go. It's highly likely people would come down with it. As for whether you should go, I think it depends on your relationship. I think if it were me I'd like to think my other half would rather split the loss and book another holiday with me. But if you're a pretty independent couple who do a lot of things separately anyway, then I would go! I guess what I'm saying is either choice is ok, it just depends on how you both feel about it.

OTheHugeManatee · 05/02/2014 18:43

Could he wait an extra day to recover and then fly out to join you? Bumping him from the entire holiday seems a bit brutal given that 48 hours is the usual quarantine time for D&V.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 05/02/2014 18:46

He should stay at home.
you go without him.
the other people would be pissed off as hell if all their holidays were ruined because they caught his bug!

CoffeeTea103 · 05/02/2014 18:57

Well if you are even considering going without him it says a lot about your relationship. I'm sure you wouldn't be upset if he did that to you, given that you were ill and it's out of your control?

Whocansay · 05/02/2014 19:50

Well, schools won't let a sick child back until 48 hours after the last episode of sickness. If he was sick his morning, he shouldn't go tomorrow. It would be incredibly selfish of him to risk spoiling everyone's holiday.

You should go though. Whilst what he has is unpleasant, he won't die! He's a big boy.

NatashaBee · 05/02/2014 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whocansay · 05/02/2014 20:10

NatashaBee I may have ben stroking my chin at that too...

Whocansay · 05/02/2014 20:11

Ooops! 'been'!

CrohnicallyFarting · 05/02/2014 20:13

If you're going by plane, it'll be extremely uncomfortable for him if he has any residual symptoms left. As you go up, the external air pressure lessens and any air inside your abdomen expands, if you have sickness or diarrhoea then it will be forced out by the expanding air.

I speak from experience here- on one flight I had been suffering with traveller's diarrhoea but was over the worst of it, and I managed to visit the toilet around 10 times on a 5 hour flight. Upon landing I felt absolutely fine again.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 05/02/2014 20:14

Coffee - why? They dont live together and she hasnt seen him since he got ill.

why should she stay at home? Its not like they live together and she'd be giving him a bit of tlc and going without him would mean leaving him alone. She'd be at her place, chatting with him on the phone from time to time, sat by herself.

would you cancel a holiday with all your mates cos your boyfriend was sick? I wouldnt. Yes if we were a family unit, but not for a boyfriend.

Joysmum · 05/02/2014 20:18

Bollocks to that, I'm married and both DH and I would go without the other. It's not right for a contagious person to go, and their ill person isn't so ill as to not be able to cope without a 'nurse' and most people would go to work and leave sick partners at home.

Don't see an issue myself?

Bogeyface · 05/02/2014 20:25

ITs the flight that would worry me more. Potentially he is exposing his bug to entire plane full of people, beyond selfish.

I speak as someone who is fairly accepting of the fact that we will all get bugs at one time or another, but to knowingly travel in a confined space while you are carrying a D&V bug is amazingly stupid.

Bogeyface · 05/02/2014 20:26

Oh and I would go alone, no way would I pay £100 for the pleasure of not going on holiday! I think you find that if he does go, you will both be very unpopular.

WooWooOwl · 05/02/2014 20:32

Go without him.

The fact that you are considering it doesn't say anything about your relationship other than it's healthier than his stomach.

Coffee, they don't even live together, and even if they had been married 50 years, separate holidays are allowed!

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 05/02/2014 20:32

He shouldn't go, both for the sake of the people you're going on holiday with and those who will be on the same flight.

No reason why you shouldn't though. You don't live together and it's not the same as if you were and had kids.

urterriblemuriel · 05/02/2014 21:28

You should go and he should stay at home. As others have said it's not fair on you and definitely not the others. It's only 4 days and he's already just had a holiday. Nothing to stop you going away again together shortly.

cees · 05/02/2014 21:50

Go if he is still ill but break it to him gently, it's all about how you deliver the news.

YANBU

JeanSeberg · 05/02/2014 21:53

So he's just come back from a holiday without her but she's not allowed the same?

ProudAS · 05/02/2014 22:10

Hang on a minute - he has sought medical advice and been advised to go if he doesn't have any more symptoms. I assume the Dr knows what he's talking about.

See how he is in the morning. I doubt the Dr wants everyone to get ill any more than they do.

JeanSeberg · 05/02/2014 22:12

I don't believe for a minute the doctor said that.

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ProudAS · 05/02/2014 22:27

How do you know the Dr didn't say it? Drs can advise things a lay person shouldn't because they (hopefully) know what they are doing.

cls77 · 05/02/2014 22:35

I don't believe the doc said that either! If go without him, Dd and I went on a short holiday last year, and as my marriage had not long ended I asked by friend if she'd like to come as her DH was working away, she brought her 6month and 3yr olds and told us when we got there that Her youngest had had a little tummy bug the last few days. My Dd and I spent five days in the bathroom, totally ruined holiday and we haven't been amused since!

Funnyfoot · 05/02/2014 22:43

Put the shoe on the other foot.
If it were you with the bug how would you feel if your DP said...
"Aww that's such a shame, well must dash got that skiing trip we planned to go on together to pack for. You take care now and keep your fluids up".

If you would be totally ok about it then I think you should go on the trip.

If you wouldn't then maybe you should consider if that's how he will feel.

I am not saying going is the wrong thing just put yourself in his place before you decide.

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