to be angry with the french club teacher

[radiohelen]

My lo is 5.5 and in year one. He's been to a term of French club and everything was fine. Then for various reasons he had to have a term off. Now the teacher is telling me my lo is being disruptive, 'playing to the audience' and distracting other kids who are 'on the edge of concentration' and he can't cope with the extra hour after school. He also said the other kids (8 of them) have moved on and mine can't cope because of the term off and plays up.
Then he said that my lo does know the stuff because he replies to questions with the right answers.
This class was supposed to be a fun thing, songs and games in French. So why do I feel like I'm being told my lo has something wrong with him because he's not fitting in. How can you be wrong playing games and singing songs? The teacher has only got 8 kids to work with.... surely he's the one with the problem, not my lo!

[CailinDana]

So your child is being cheeky and disruptive and you're angry with the teacher? Is that right?

[WooWooOwl]

It's perfectly possible for children to be disruptive and distracting during games and songs.

Surely if your ds is doing those things, then the teacher is making a fair point?

It doesn't mean there is something wrong with your ds, it just means he's five. Easier said than done, I know, but don't take it to heart, I'm sure your ds is lovely. He might just need to be spoken to about being disruptive during French club.

[Hoppinggreen]

I run a French club and I have had to speak to a parent about her disruptive child.
I think you are directing your anger at the wrong person

[maddy68]

And? Your child is disrupting the learning of others. Is being problematic and the teacher is doing this unpaid in their own time. Your child is affecting the enjoyment of others. I fail to see why you are annoyed at the teacher

[cansu]

It must be pretty bad if he is actually telling you this because these clubs are private and therefore you pay a fee. The teacher is not going to turn away business if they can help it. He is telling you so you can either sort it out or remove him. I would imagine the other parents would prefer it if their offspring were actually enjoying the class and learning rathe rthan being disrupted by your dc. I am quite shocked by your attitude tbh. Maybe your dc is too immature to cope with another hour of learning after school. I know my dc would massively struggle with this. Are you sending him to French club because you really want him to learn French or is it as a form of childcare?

[cory]

If the teacher thinks the club is a bit much for him, the teacher may well be right. There's no shame in that: lots of children his age find a whole school day is quite enough to cope with.

And presumably you wouldn't like it if your ds kept coming home saying "I want to join in with the songs and games but x keeps shouting/pushing me/talking/running around/whatever so I can't hear".

[blahblahblah2014]

Take him out for the sake of the other kids, at least until he learns how to behave in a group enviroment!! No wonder he's naughtly, what with your parental view! Your PFB sounds like a little brat!

[WooWooOwl]

The French club my children went to wasn't a freebie run by unpaid volunteers in their own time! It was a legitimate business, but even when clubs are run by teachers, it's often just expected that they will run a club as part of the job. They get a salary for it.

I know plenty of school support staff run extra clubs out of the goodness of their hearts, but not every club is like that.

[Hoppinggreen]

Oh yes, and I have only actually spoken to the parent after several weeks of VERY disruptive behaviour that is affecting the other children who's
parents are paying for them to learn French ( through songs and games).
Tutors don't actually want to complain about your child you know but in some cases we don't have a choice.

[bigTillyMint]

He is five. No need to do a French Club until he wants to sit sensibly and join in beautifully. It sounds like he would enjoy running around in the park more. Plenty of time for extra study when he is older.

[TheDoctorsNewKidneys]

He's five and probably shattered after school, and I bet missing a term has set him back and made him frustrated. If they're learning stuff "beyond" what he learned before he left, he's going to be confused and is probably playing up because he can't understand properly.

Take him out and don't let him disturb the other DC who are learning and presumably paying for the experience. Your attitude is pretty shocking, tbh.

[ISeeYouShiverWithAntici]

Hes saying your son is not behaving how he needs and expects him to behave.

hes not saying your son is a bad person.

listen to what the teacher is telling you. He isnt saying it to be mean and has no interest in being unfair to your son. He is simply telling you that your son's conduct is not what it needs to be.

you have a choice. Talk to your son and tell him that yes it is a club but not a playing club its a learning clu and tell him how to behave

or choose to not send him and pick some other maybe more physical activity.

[radiohelen]

Really blahblah? Did you mean to be that rude?

I pay quite a bit of money for the club so yes I expect them to work out how to deal with him in a group of 8 kids in an after school environment. He's not a brat and even if he was, most teachers I know take pride in being able to engage and encourage even difficult kids.
I paid the money because he really wanted to go because he enjoyed the first term of it and took in so much, he was really doing well. It is not free childcare. I could equally have him at home, I say again, he wanted to go.
I know he is tired after a long day at school and I get that the teacher would only have said something if it was bad. My lo and I have already had conversations about behaviour and learning in French club. I also know he needs to do something physical after being cooped up in a classroom for the afternoon.
I still feel angry and upset with this teacher for making me feel like a failure and making it sound as though my lo is a failure too.

[Hoppinggreen]

Has the teacher actually said your son is failure? Or has he said your sons behaviour is disrupting the class?
As a French Tutor myself I have only ever had to speak to one parent about behaviour and that was after trying many strategies to get the child to be have.speaking to a parent about behaviour is not something we would do lightly and quite frankly if the parent was not supportive and suggested I was being unreasonable in expecting their child NOT to affect the other children's learning then I would be quite happy for them to withdraw their child from my class.

[lilyaldrin]

The teacher is telling you that your child is disruptive and is tired after school - not sure why you're angry. Maybe listen to him?

[WooWooOwl]

Are you sure that it's what the teacher said that is making you feel bad?

From what you say in the OP of the teachers words, he really didn't say anything bad, just honest, and if he acknowledged that your ds knows the answers to questions then he's hardly telling you and your child that you are failures.

[sighbynight]

You are overthinking this. Your child is not ready for this kind of class , and the teacher has pointed that out. No one has failed. Not you, not your child and not the teacher.

[DoJo]

It doesn't sound like the teacher is calling you or your son failures, but if you are interpreting it like that it maybe says more about you being sensitive to criticism than anyone accusing your son of anything. Perhaps the teacher is right - if your son can't sit still, hasn't caught up after missing a term and is disrupting the other children then what are they supposed to do? Spend the whole time 'engaging and encouraging' him at the expense of the other 7 children there? During school hours, this is non-negotiable - at an after school club they are well within their rights to ask children who aren't doing as they're told to leave.

[cory]

What DoJo said.

Some children are just not ready for this kind of after school activities - ballet, language classes, certain sports- though they are fine for other children.

The organisers of such activities do not have the back-up of a school (they can't send the child to with the TA, headteacher, SENCO etc) and without back-up one child who isn't coping could ruin the activity for everybody.

[TamerB]

I can't see why you want him to go, he has got left behind and so he is being disruptive- a fairly common reaction if you are 5yrs old and don't understand what is going on.
You are paying for the lessons and so she can choose whether to take him or not. If I was the French teacher and you got annoyed with me I would most definitely give you your money back and refuse to have him in the group.

[Fairenuff]

You have been told that your son is disruptive he is behind because he missed a term of lessons and that he cannot cope with the extra hour.

The sensible thing to do would be to accept this, not try to argue against it. You could always try him again next year.

[Viviennemary]

If he is being a nuisance I think the teacher is right to exclude him. It's an after school activity and if he can't behave then he can't attend.

[Only1scoop]

Try not to take it so hard. The French teacher is not taking a personal slight at you and ds....
He is probably way behind the others if he missed a whole term....

[NewtRipley]

radio

I suggest you go in and watch a lesson that is being continually disrupted by one child and then see how you feel about it. Or, imagine you are the parent of a child whose parents have also paid money, and who are distracted by a child who is too young or too tired to be there.