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What does he do?

(21 Posts)
sheriffofnottingham Wed 05-Feb-14 14:37:56

DP and I work together and every day about 20 mins after he's had his lunch he disappears from his desk for half an hour. What the hell is he doing? (realise the obvious answer is having a poo or having a 'tommy tank' but how do either of these take half an hour - maybe he does one then the other?). It's totally none of my business and I don't really care but I reserve the right to imagine what he's doing and make up stories to amuse myself. and mock him on MN

I have concluded that either he has a nest of baby birds stashed in the cistern that he's nurturing through regurgitating his lunch or he's secretly in the car park learning circus skills. Any other suggestions?

FetchezLaVache Wed 05-Feb-14 14:39:20

I hope it's the baby birds! I love that idea.

Def a poo......about half hour is pretty average for my DH to be in the loo doing one. Mind you, I go in there for a while too, it's the only place I get any peace!

GilmoursPillow Wed 05-Feb-14 14:43:57

If it's during work time it'll probably be a dump. So many men I worked with used to hang on for the satisfaction of taking a shit whilst getting paid for it DH included hmm

frugalfuzzpig Wed 05-Feb-14 14:54:27

Playing hackey sack.

That's not a euphemism by the way grin

bazingasheldon Wed 05-Feb-14 15:16:37

Bazinga! frugal

frugalfuzzpig Wed 05-Feb-14 15:17:21

grin

GoldiChops Wed 05-Feb-14 15:18:56

Hide his phone before he next goes. Bet it's only a five min poo then!

JunoMacGuff Wed 05-Feb-14 15:19:52

Does he have any digestive issues? I take over 30 minutes at the toilet regularly, as I have coeliac disease and various side effects of that.

GoldiChops Wed 05-Feb-14 15:20:25

Oh and there is an app, you put in your hourly pay and time spent on loo, it tells you how much per year you get paid for dropping the load.

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 05-Feb-14 15:24:28

Oh and there is an app, you put in your hourly pay and time spent on loo, it tells you how much per year you get paid for dropping the load.

grin

Love it!

GilmoursPillow Wed 05-Feb-14 15:25:08

Hide his phone before he next goes. Bet it's only a five min poo then!

DH plays Texas Hold 'Em...

Goldmandra Wed 05-Feb-14 15:34:12

Make sure he has no access to books, phone, iPads or magazines and see how quickly he comes back then.

I have to do that to DH when we have a deadline to be out of the house grin

theaandrea Wed 05-Feb-14 17:19:38

Ask him?

LaurieFairyCake Wed 05-Feb-14 17:21:33

I think in general in life, and for the good of your marriage wink, you should not ruminate on your husbands shites.

squoosh Wed 05-Feb-14 17:25:14

Maybe you talk too much and he needs some quiet time.

Wake together
Work together
Wolf your lunch together (I was going for alliteration)

That's a lot of togetherness!

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 05-Feb-14 17:39:42

Like the alliteration, squoosh

I think in general in life, and for the good of your marriage wink, you should not ruminate on your husbands shites.

I think this piece of sage advice can be widened to cover the shites of all the people you know grin

sheriffofnottingham Wed 05-Feb-14 17:46:45

Oh yes, we definitely spend too much time together. That's why I no intention of asking him.

I just like the thought that he goes away for half an hour each day and does something really exciting that only he knows about, like he's a spy and has to report to his handler or has an extra magic toe that I don't know about and he takes his sock off and transports himself to a parallel universe for a bit. But yes, he's probably have a dump and reading stuff on the internet on his phone.

squoosh Wed 05-Feb-14 17:57:06

Make he's a sex telephonist.

FuckingWankwings Wed 05-Feb-14 18:01:02

'Oh and there is an app, you put in your hourly pay and time spent on loo, it tells you how much per year you get paid for dropping the load.'

I'm TOTALLY getting this! Can we all get it, and all report back?

I love the idea that he's a spy, but I suspect he is just having a dump while looking at Twitter/Facebook.

sheriffofnottingham Wed 05-Feb-14 18:03:23

Make he's a sex telephonist grin

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