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to want SAHMs to divulge how much money they have to spend?

(402 Posts)
YesAnastasia Wed 05-Feb-14 11:09:46

How much money do non earning SAHM get to actually spend? On clothes, hair/beauty or whatever they want.

I want to know if I'm being unreasonable to want more or if I am spoilt and should suck it up because things are tight.

I have £134.80 a month to myself (yes that's probably a familiar to a lot of you) except when you're a parent, not much is ever just for you anymore is it?

That's ok isn't it? Or is it? It doesn't feel like it, especially when there are birthdays etc. Anyway, what do you get?

supadupapupascupa Mon 10-Feb-14 20:35:37

Everything goes in the pot. I do a month by month cashflow projected forwards 12 months. It amazing how much variance there is between months. All big purchases are put on there. Joint decisions made on what the rest gets spent on. For example if one of us needs new clothes we will put that in there in a month we can afford it. Neither of us would deviate too much from this without talking to the other about it. This way christmas is always paid for by september before - if we didn't forecast it we would think it was money spare and spend it.

LaQueenOfHearts Mon 10-Feb-14 20:27:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wishihadabs Mon 10-Feb-14 14:01:06

LeQueen you have your own business -no ?

LaQueenOfHearts Mon 10-Feb-14 13:52:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lifeisaboxofchocs Mon 10-Feb-14 13:46:22

thanks for clarifying wish

shewhowines Mon 10-Feb-14 13:42:20

Oh and most of the savings/ investments are in my name as DH wants what is most tax efficient.

shewhowines Mon 10-Feb-14 13:41:01

I know very little too, about our finances. But I lived on my own for many years, paid my own bills etc. I could manage them easily enough if it was necessary.
I know how much our mortgage is and how much is left. I know roughly how much we have in savings. I do not know who they are with. I do not know which utility companies we currently use. DH changes them all regularly and I haven't bothered to keep up, however I could go to our files or computer and find out instantly. I know where everything is. I'm happy with that.

I remember an ex boyfriend remarking negatively that I would never iron a mans shirts. I was very much an independent woman until I married at 30. If only he knew... DH and I have evolved, over the years, to very traditional roles. No pressure or abuse. Just an easy sliding, into something that suits us. He likes to keep a handle on finances, I'm not that interested. I like to pick decorating schemes and like to be in charge of most household/child decisions. He's not bothered. It's evolved so we are both more concerned with what's important to each of us.

And yes, I do iron his shirts grin

Wishihadabs Mon 10-Feb-14 13:31:53

So perhaps Life our way of running things is not so different......If your dh looked after your dc single handed he clearly does know most of those things I listed.

Wishihadabs Mon 10-Feb-14 13:29:39

Life, I am not having a go at you. I am pointing out that for the WOTH partner not to know about the dc's lives makes him every bit as vulnerable if anything happened to the SAHP as vice versa, just in a different way. You say you have all the pass words etc so this doesn't apply to you ( I also assume you have savings and a pension in your own name). I am merly suggesting it might be a good idea for your dp to know where his own dc are meant to be at any given time, so should the worst happen he could cope.

I am fine about the thread from last yeR, I got some great advice on it and dh has really stepped up since then. smile

bebbeau Mon 10-Feb-14 13:27:47

i SAHM now as am due dc3 in 8 weeks but was working PT up till recently

I get about 600 a month, this is mostly maintenance from my exH for my eldest DC, with CB and a bit in tax credits.

its all mine. DH earns good money so he pays all bills and he usually has a few hundred left over for things he wants to buy usually music equipment. yawn

Lifeisaboxofchocs Mon 10-Feb-14 13:24:16

stir fry?? study. Sorry.

Lifeisaboxofchocs Mon 10-Feb-14 13:23:35

Where have I said DH couldn't look after the children?? Where have I even hinted it?? I have said every day stuff is my responsibility. But when I was ill in hospital recently, DH picked it up and did it his way.

I am impressed you returned tbh I would have been a little red faced if I were you.

Lifeisaboxofchocs Mon 10-Feb-14 13:22:06

But it is so relevant. You must concede that? I feel it is bad form the way Wish has belittled my way of doing things, whereas I do not say a wor on her way of doing .things. Whatever that is, depending on the thread she is on

I don't know about our bills or who we are with. I know our mortgage company an how much and payments a month. But that really is it.

However, if i wanted to, I could get up, stretch my legs, go over to the filing cabinet in the stir fry and go through DH's meticulous record keeping.

r I could go online, on to the joint account and see the direct debits.

So whilst I know bugger all about the minutia, I have access to every thing, should the wish so take me.

Wishihadabs Mon 10-Feb-14 13:18:54

Life is I still don't understand. Nowhere have I ever or would I ever say that he couldn't look after the dcs. Similarly I have access to the joint account where all this stuff comes out of. As I said we are not clones but could do each other's job if we had to, and we both know our dcs inside out. Are you comparing a child to a gas bill?

Alibabaandthe40nappies Mon 10-Feb-14 13:18:08

Ouch life it is really bloody bad form to actually post bits of other threads. hmm

And you have backtracked significantly from your earlier statement 'I know jack shit about our finances, zero interest'. To suddenly you know where everything is and are involved in the big decisions but choose not to get involved in the minor details.

So which is it?

Lifeisaboxofchocs Mon 10-Feb-14 13:13:20

you write that less than a year ago.

And then criticize me for doing EXACTLY the same.

Lifeisaboxofchocs Mon 10-Feb-14 13:12:25


Add message | Report | Message poster Wishihadabs Tue 16-Apr-13 16:30:03
In his defence. He sorts out all utilities, car insurance and home maintenance. Yes feeding the family and the laundry are my areas of responsibility.


Wishihadabs Mon 10-Feb-14 13:12:07

Oh..I know mines due in June do I pass ?

TheWomanTheyCallJayne Mon 10-Feb-14 13:08:16

Wish- they're about to stop paper discs for tax smile

TheWomanTheyCallJayne Mon 10-Feb-14 13:07:23

I agree Pag. For things like leotards, just ask the child. Mine would change their mind so often I wouldn't keep up anyway. If it's who does what on what day then a simple calendar is useful for everyday life anyway.
I do agree think that both parents should make sure they try to get to parents evening just so they can keep up to date with what is going on at school and keeping a foot in the door so to speak.

I read these threads and find myself very happy with my lot.

Wishihadabs Mon 10-Feb-14 13:05:56

Ps the car tax is due the day after the date wriiten on the tax disc

Wishihadabs Mon 10-Feb-14 13:02:35

Life that thread is historic....actually dh is taking a much greater role now in the preparation of food. But he knows how to fgs. Would your dh be able to cope in your absence ?

TheWomanTheyCallJayne Mon 10-Feb-14 13:02:17

I don't know certain things. Like when the car tax is due for example. I do know where all the information is filed and that it will need to be done at some point though so if anything happened to dh, who does tend to sort out the cars, then I could take that job on easily. I do the accounts, dh knows where the files are saved on the computer and what they roughly contain as we do go through them occasionally so he could take over if needed. It's not about you both doing half of everything, it's about being aware and having a rough idea of what would need to be done if necessary.

Wishihadabs Mon 10-Feb-14 12:58:33

But dh could do it, he knows where the supermarket is, he knows what they will eat.........he can cook. What is your point here ?

Lifeisaboxofchocs Mon 10-Feb-14 12:57:49

wish, you have undermined your point, and you know it. ANd now you are cherry picking your points.

I never said I know bugger all. I have access to everything and anything. All documentation, access codes etc. I just choose not to be up to date on the minuate, simply because my focus is more on the children and household.

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