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to approach dds new teacher about masturbating?

(61 Posts)
ditsydoll Tue 04-Feb-14 22:11:24

Dd is almost 5, and still doesn't get the private thing!
She sits on chairs and rubs backwards and forwards because it tickles her bum as she so nicely puts it..
Iv told her if she wants to do it she has to in her room and it's not something we do in public, she understands and then goes ahead and does it at school anyway
Shes starting a new school soon and I'm not sure if I should bring it up as an issue with her new teacher or how to even approach it or if I should just remind Dd not to do it at school.
I feel like I might have made more of a deal if her doing it before I knew it was normal when she was little and now she does it at school because she tries to hide it (I do feel awful about this and don't know how to fix it, I hope Iv not scarred her for later life)
She does it more in times of anxiety and with the move I have noticed her doing it.
Any advice?

WorraLiberty Tue 04-Feb-14 22:15:39

I think I remember you mentioning this before.

If you want to tell the teacher anything, I'd just mention that when she gets anxious/tired/whatever, she shuffles in her seat.

No need to mention masturbating, surely?

Curlynoodles Tue 04-Feb-14 22:20:21

Hi there,

I am a primary school teacher and although I haven't come across this personally in my class, other teachers have mentioned seeing children in their class doing this. I would say that if you are concerned then you should mention it and their teacher can keep an eye on it for you.

ditsydoll Tue 04-Feb-14 22:21:32

Yeah it's been ongoing... Iv tried to chill about it all. I wouldnt use that word but shuffling would be putting it lightly, she grinds back and forwards with her toes pointed getting all red in the face. I have to he honest the whole issue makes me so uncomfortable and I know that's horrible of me. I have no idea how to deal with it.
When she was 3 she was just a baby and didn't really get it but surely now she's 5 she should want to be private?

ditsydoll Tue 04-Feb-14 22:22:15

What where the teachers reactions curlynoodles?

Peacocklady Tue 04-Feb-14 22:23:06

It happens. The teacher will tell her to stop if it's disrupting her work. I'd ignore/ distract.

RinkyDinkyDoo Tue 04-Feb-14 22:23:39

I'm a teacher too, and over the years have seen many of the younger girls rubbing themselves when they are sat on the carpet. A quick, " ok everyone can you all sit up properly and put hands on knees" is all that is needed. HTH.

Euphemia Tue 04-Feb-14 22:24:48

Many of my P1s have no inhibitions! One of the boys has his hands down his trousers most of the time! confused

I would mention it to the teacher - perhaps s/he could arrange an appropriate circle time/PSHE lesson to discuss appropriate behaviour in class.

SarahAndFuck Tue 04-Feb-14 22:25:47

She probably still doesn't get it OP, you say she's only almost five and many children of that age have very little self consciousness about things even though you've tried to explain about being private.

MajesticWhine Tue 04-Feb-14 22:27:12

I wouldn't say anything. Just see what happens. If you mention it the teacher is far more likely to notice the slightest wriggle, and make a big deal of it, perhaps unnecessarily.

Middleagedmotheroftwo Tue 04-Feb-14 22:27:14

Perhaps she'll be so busy in school she won't think to do it?

Curlynoodles Tue 04-Feb-14 22:28:26

They said that when they saw it happening they would just try to distract the child with an activity or something that snapped them out of it. All the teachers were aware of it happening and it seemed to be quite common so I doubt your child's teacher will be shocked. To be honest, they would probably be relieved you brought it up rather than them having to approach you about it.

Smartiepants79 Tue 04-Feb-14 22:34:41

I've had this with a child in my class before. She used to rock on the corner of th chair and slowly glaze over. She carried on doing it til she was at least 7! Not sure she ever really knew what she was doing. We did discuss it with parents, can't remember that they'd noticed it at home. We used to tell her to sit straight and distract her but didn't make a fuss about it. She grew out of it.
I would mention it perhaps. Just as a heads up. I feel it's important for teachers to know as much about their children as possible.

ditsydoll Tue 04-Feb-14 22:36:07

I might let her settle in for a while rather than just jump in and say something before she's done it.
I might just have a quiet word about how we've been dealing with her wriggling so we're all on same page of what to do if she's doing it.
I know she's only little, she's such a lovely sensitive little girl, I am worried that the move is affecting her quite badly too.. she said we will all have to give our house a hug before we leave aand that she's worried it will be lonely once were gone. I wanted to cry.

candycoatedwaterdrops Tue 04-Feb-14 22:53:42

I wouldn't comment, they will notice and deal with it if nessecary. I remember when I worked in a nursery, we had a 4 yr old girl messing about. A loud and friendly "let me see everyone's hands on their laps" was effective.

wtf1981 Tue 04-Feb-14 22:59:33

Rinky has it in a nutshell.
"Sitting nicely please, children" is usually enough. Very young children will be oblivious so even a targeted stop it would probably be ok! It obviously needs to be discouraged though; especially in public! Good luck OP...very normal in young children!

Nanny0gg Tue 04-Feb-14 23:07:08

It's always calmly and unobtrusively dealt with.

Even the ones that rub themselves on the corner of tables...

Don't worry, she'll soon stop. (in public!)

ditsydoll Tue 04-Feb-14 23:09:55

Thanks everyone, I wish I had less hang ups myself. Myparents where/are very prudish and even rRenner being smacked by my dad for lifting up my dress when I was about 6. I relly don't want to pass my issues on to Dd but fear I may already have.
Iv told her bums are for private and that if she wants to wrigle she gas to do it in her room because it's not ok in public places.
She's said she won't do it in school anymore and understands the privates are for private talk..
I have told her off when younger when Iv been embarrassed in a public place and she wouldnt stop (I was heavily pregnant with ds and a bag of emotions and exhaustion) and after that Iv not really seen her doing it (until recently) but have seen her doing it when picking her up at school. She stops as soon as she knows Iv seen her. I feel like a crappy mum when it comes to this.

ditsydoll Tue 04-Feb-14 23:11:25

Sorry for awful typos, on my phone and getting tired!

Selks Tue 04-Feb-14 23:18:19

Ditsy, ?I just wanted to say that you are a lovely and clearly very good mum and you're handling this well. Don't beat yourself up.

caketinrosie Tue 04-Feb-14 23:20:50

I think you are doing everything right tbh. I've not had that particular drama but ive had others and teachers in my experience are usually pretty good at sorting out their little charges without upsetting or embarrassing anyone. Don't beat yourself up. My dcs made an art form out of various mortifying behaviours. Thankfully at some point they are all grown up and you can have YEARS of rehashing the past in revenge! grin

ditsydoll Tue 04-Feb-14 23:30:18

Thanks everyone, I'll take all your comments on board and keep gently reminding her it's for private. I might just wait and see how it goes at school for now.

littlewhitebag Wed 05-Feb-14 05:53:18

If you do need to mention it to the teacher you could describe it as self stimulating rather than masturbating so it has less sexual overtones?

imip Wed 05-Feb-14 06:09:13

I've been here lots as three of my dds masterbate in a similar fashion. My oldest is 7 and she's been told in her bed only. She does get into the habit of breaking this rule while watching tv, I am pretty strict that it is private. Dd3 is almost 4 and I hope she has the message. She is my quiet one who will sit and colour for hours. Less of the red face for her, she is just masterbating. I am sure we will get great reports of good concentration skills when she is in primary school smile .

Dd4 is much more obvious. In the buggy all the time, high chairs. Oh the shame! Once out to dinner they gave a a phil and teds high chair that screws to the table. She started masterbating at the table and the whole dinner table was shaking throughout the meal blush

I handle it similar to you. Now with the two year old if she is doing it for a prolonged period I put my hands on her knees and smile and say stop moving. It's a bit of a game, she'll move; we'll do it again. I'm trying to distract her but also let her know what she is doing so that eventually she'll I can tell her it is private etc etc.

My 7 yo does really get the private nature of it, so I do hope to god that she doesn't do it at school! ESP for her it involved lying on her front!

Everythingwillbeok Wed 05-Feb-14 13:49:28

Really? A four year old girl masturbating in a restaurant making the whole table shake??!!
I have never heard of this I'm sorry if I'm being ignorant.

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