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To think that if you are grown man at a swimming pool dressing your small daughter...

(338 Posts)
2cats2many Tue 04-Feb-14 19:09:37 should use the clearly marked, clean and almost-empty family change room rather than the women's change room?

I approached him and said quietly: "Do you know that you are in the women's change room?" To which he replied: "Yes, but she insists in coming in here and the alternative would be a big, screaming fight. I'm actually quite uncomfortable." He then made a swift exit.

Well, guess what- so are all the women who are using the changing room in the reasonable expectation that they would be able to get showered and changed in the mostly shared facilities (just a few cubicles) without being joined by a man.

In his position, I would have the big screaming fight.

Daykin Fri 07-Feb-14 08:32:15

showmesaturn you should come to my gym. We even have topless hair drying - usually performed by those who are very proud of their new boobs. I would hate to not have a proper shower after swimming. The same changing room serves the gym and naturally people who've ben using the gym strip off to shower. People do generally drape themselves in a towel when walking about but it would be near impossible to not expose some of your body at some point.
I'm amazed that anyone can use open plan changing and have never seen anyone in the nuddy. I am also amazed by the number of people who have said on this thread and other similar ones 'surely you are in a cubicle' when it says in the OP that it's "shared facilities (just a few cubicles)".

bodygoingsouth Fri 07-Feb-14 09:07:00

you know what I think there maybe a difference here between people describing council run swimming pools and private gyms with pools.

and if course the man was a twat/perv.

indyandlara Fri 07-Feb-14 09:13:20

Completely wrong. A few months ago DH was changing our daughter for swimming lessons. She is 4. He used the open, male changing room which can be used for family groups or individuals. A woman was changing her older child in there too. The women's room is next door. When DH pointed out that she was in the wrong room she became abusive and said she could change her child where she liked. He said that as he was going to get changed too, she had no business being in there. She stormed out. At the end of the lesson her husband appeared shouting and threatening DH and saying he was a weirdo. He continued to threaten to beat him up, in front of our daughter.

Use the right changing rooms people.

Daykin Fri 07-Feb-14 09:18:01

I swim at 3 pools (for boring reasons)

Pool 1 - council - changing village
Pool2 - council - 1950's style open plan - no cubicles at all - big square shower with unnecessarily close together shower heads - yellow tiles - everyone looks jaundiced - lots of nudity
Pool 3 - private - open plan with 3 cubicles - even more nudity - lots of rubbing lotions on

The changing village one was open plan until about 5 years ago. I'm sure lots of older council pools still are.

IDontDoIroning Sat 08-Feb-14 11:40:52

It's simple anyone over the age of 8 uses their correct gender changing rooms. ( I'm assuming both parties have no sn)
If you are over 8 and are accompanying anyone under 8 then you go in the correct room for the over 8 yo.
Dad should have gone in mens with dd. if she didn't like it then he should have either used the family room or not gone swimming.

yes there may be nasty paedos in there but she was with her dad so wouldn't have need vulnerable. Anyway I know that nasty paedos are everywhere hmm but based on the fact he had a child the dad was more likely to be a pervy hetero and possibly enjoying the odd flash of adult lady.

One person not being bothered by letting it all hang out for all and sundry to see does not trump another persons need for privacy whether it's personal due to surgery cultural or religious.

Otherwise it is a get out if jail free card (literally) for any would be peeping tom with a child.

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken Sat 08-Feb-14 12:06:14

At the end of the lesson her husband appeared shouting and threatening DH and saying he was a weirdo. He continued to threaten to beat him up, in front of our daughter.

charming, and wtf didn't he take their child in the changing room if it needed to be in the men's? confused

Inertia Sat 08-Feb-14 12:25:32

OP YANBU, and I would definitely report him if he is the women's changing room next time. Whether he is doing it for nefarious reasons or because he believes his daughter's demands trump everyone else's needs and the pool rules, the fact is that he shouldn't have been there.

In our family if a 4 yo had thrown a tantrum about which changing room to use then swimming would be cancelled.

Perhaps pool managers need to add to the signs for the hard-of-thinking , to explain that children over 8 are not allowed in the opposite-sex changing room, and adults are not allowed in the opposite-sex changing room at all.

If there are no suitable family facilities for children with SN over the age of 8, every pool should have an accessible changing facility suitable for people with additional needs or disabilities , so there is no need for a child over 8 or parent to use the opposite- sex changing room.

WaffilyVersatile Tue 11-Feb-14 08:15:09

This is being discussed on The Wright Stuff today...

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken Tue 11-Feb-14 09:11:25

There's a surprise

maleview70 Tue 11-Feb-14 09:23:36

It's odd that our European neighbours on the who wouldn't even bat an eyelid at this and have communal changing areas yet in prudish old England it's like the crime of the century.

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken Tue 11-Feb-14 10:53:47

Hmm after living in Europe for years, I'm going to go ahead and call bullshit and say that if a bathroom or a changing room said "women" on the outside I have never ran in to a man in there.


Our European neighbors would have on occasion a unisex changing room in which case anyone entering would know what to expect.

Daykin Tue 11-Feb-14 10:55:42

It's not odd at all. Anyway, it's not about prudishness, it's about consent. I go into mixed changing rooms then I am giving consent to be in mixed changing rooms. I go in to female changing rooms then I don't want some arrogant tosser using the excuse that another woman, wholly unconnected with me, will happily use a mixed sex changing room and therefore I am a prude to not want this. I would never call my Muslim sisters odd for wanting female only swim sessions and drag my DH or teenage son along to them because in X/Y/Z country mixed swimming is normal.

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken Tue 11-Feb-14 11:07:17

Exactly Daykin, I'm not going to saunter around a pool in Saudi with my tits out and say it's OK in France.

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