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To wonder how I'll get through the funeral, more wwyd

(8 Posts)
Restartnewyear Tue 04-Feb-14 18:37:07

Been to a funeral recently, accompanying my elderly gps I know their time will come soon enough, but quite frankly even the thought upsets me beyond belief.

The idea that my gf won't be in my life is unbearable. I have small dcs and I know that they can't see me lose it
But even my DH know it's going to be awful I'm almost considering counselling before it occurs,

It sound ridiculous but he's been such an important part of my life.
I just don't know how to prepare and be there for others when I don't think I'm going to be able to cope

AlpacaLypse Tue 04-Feb-14 18:40:50

All you can do is enjoy your gf's company whenever you get a chance. Of course his day will come, but it may still be a long way away.

And there's nothing wrong with letting your children see your grief.

BlackDaisies Tue 04-Feb-14 18:53:24

I think, having gone through a parent dying, that when it happens you will cope. Before you can't imagine how you will be able to cope or carry on living. But when it does you have no choice but to manage. I think you will just need to allow yourself to grieve. I sometimes still get upset years later, but I still enjoy my life. I don't think you can prepare for it, but I think you need to realise that you will get to a point where it is easier, where your grief becomes a manageable sadness in a life you can still enjoy and be happy with.

WaffilyVersatile Tue 04-Feb-14 18:55:05

My Gran passed away in 2009 through cancer. She was diagnosed in the June and died in October and was 66.

Even though I know its "normal" to bury ones grandparents I still very raw about it. More so now that I am pregnant and I know that this little one won't ever get to meet her. She was most definitely the lynch pin holding my extended family together and since she left us we have all drifted and I think that also adds to the sadness I feel about it all.

Her widower is my stepGF and I know that when he goes I will just be inconsolable. My parents aren't very old so have their own lives which meant that my grandparents were the ones who looked after me in that way when I grew older and were the ones who loved to spend time with my children. My parents barely ever see them.

I know how you feel x

phantomnamechanger Tue 04-Feb-14 19:37:51

I did not think I would "cope" with having to deliver a stillborn baby, arrange her funeral, attend the funeral, physically recover from the birth, cope with seeing mums out with their new babies when my boobs were painfully milk laden and no baby to feed. I did not think I would cope carrying on with life and parenting my other children. I could not imagine ever having sex again let alone TTC.

But we do cope with things life throws at us, and time does heal all manner of wounds - it's not always easy but the human race is here because we are survivors. Don't worry about the time coming because it will and you WILL get through it. Just enjoy every occasion and build lots of happy memories for you all.

My GM is 87 and increasingly frail - it saddens me greatly to se her so "not herself" - we have already lost her in some ways. But the memories are there. And precious.

yonisareforever Tue 04-Feb-14 19:41:40

Phantom flowers, Op get a tranquilsr from your docs, very very mild and will help you through the day, they often prescribe them for such tghings.

phantomnamechanger Tue 04-Feb-14 19:49:54

thank you yoni smile that's kind. I did not want this thread to be about me, but it is the anniversary of that difficult time and its always a bit poignant at this time of year, even 10 years on. But on the + side, we do cope, even though there are still good days and sad days. In fact you could argue that its only through loss that you truly come to value the precious gift of life and live it to the full.

Littleen Tue 04-Feb-14 20:23:25

I just lost my mum (she was 52) a few weeks ago to cancer, been about 10 days since her funeral, I think. You do get through it, and there is nothing wrong with showing children grief as long as it doesn't get all-consuming. During the funeral, I kept my eyes to myself, obsessively counted the flower arrangements (how many in total, how many roses, how many pink ones etc) and ignored absolutely everything, to avoid crying. Just knew I wouldn't be able to stop if I got started! I did have a couple of cries but very brief ones so I could get myself together and get on with all the organisation and the "you have my condolances" from the tons of people I didn't know at the funeral.

Anyway, unsure from your post whether you are likely to lose your gf soon or not? I think you cannot prepare - We knew my mum was going to go for several months, but in the end it happened so quick there was no chance to even get my head around it, thought she had a few more months left! It was no help that we were "prepared" as such, really didn't help at all. Enjoy the time you have left with him, and don't grieve beforehand. Anyone can be hit by a truck tomorrow and die - you will cope with it when the day comes, even if you feel it's impossible now. x

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