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To really want to confront ex friend?

(11 Posts)
MrsDrRanj Tue 04-Feb-14 10:34:13

I will try to summarise as much as possible as it's long so sorry if I miss anything out.

I had a friend who I had known since school, she bullied me for a while in school the we became friends towards the end of our time there. I cut her off over two years ago as she had become what I can only describe as toxic.

She lied about having cancer, and about being raped (which she knew had happened to me). She would constantly put me down about my weight and would make awful remarks about overweight people (ie we'd be out at a club and she'd say 'look at that fat fucker') it turned out she had an eating disorder which she wouldn't admit when I tried to talk to her about it and express my concern.

She encouraged a man to have sex with me when I was incoherently drunk. She was kicked out of every home she stayed in and always had a story as to why it wasn't her fault. She slept with our close friends boyfriend as well as another friends ex and got irate when I told her I didn't agree with her actions. She was quite clearly racist, more in a 'I'm not racist but...' Way.

I could probably go on but I'm sure you all get the drift. Despite all that we would have a lot of laughs and spend a lot of time together, but I now realise how controlling she was of me. I'd feel guilt if I spent time with another friend.

Since we stopped speaking I have had a son. He is mixed race. I heard from a mutual acquaintance she has been saying racist remarks about him to people.

I expected her to spout stuff about me to everyone when I stopped talking to her because that's what she's like. But knowing she has been saying stuff about my son gives me the absolute rage and I can only see red right now. WIBU to contact her and tell her exactly what I think of her?

WorraLiberty Tue 04-Feb-14 10:37:20

Ignore ignore ignore.

You're not going to get through to her or change her in any way

So contacting her is likely to have a negative effect on you. It'll just bring you stress thanks

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Tue 04-Feb-14 10:38:00

You WBU to contact her, though I can see why you want to. Just cut her off, she is obviously a horrible person, and you don't need her drama or toxic behavior in your life. Just carry on moving on.

But you can enjoy little fantasies about what great, cutting remarks you would say to her, in your head sometimes.

MomOfTwoGirls2 Tue 04-Feb-14 11:39:24

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

She sounds a horrid person. I can't see that contacting her would do any good. She will probably only give you further verbal abuse. I definitely wouldn't expect an apology from her. And it would confirm this is a sore spot for you, and that she has 'got' to you, so she would probably continue in an even more horrid manner. And it would bring her back into your life again - really, don't do that.

Congratulations on your son. I'm bet he is gorgeous.

TheUnstoppableWindmill Tue 04-Feb-14 11:44:42

Horrendous person. Don't ever have anything to do with her again. Like others have said, it'll only make you feel worse again. Ignore, and enjoy your beautiful son.

Topaz25 Tue 04-Feb-14 11:53:22

There's no point confronting her. She's not going to listen to you, it's all about her. A confrontation would just give her the attention she craves. Ignore her, avoid her, block her on social media, tell mutual friends you don't want to hear about her. Cut her out of your life completely.

SlightlyDampWellies Tue 04-Feb-14 12:01:52

I also say ignore, no matter how tempting it might be to totally scream at her and tell her a few home truths.

People will know what she is like, and if she is saying racist things about a little baby, then she will be shunned.

people like that - where they like to control you- hate hate HATE feeling that you could not give a shit about them or their opinion. trust me, that will goad her more than anything.

WhoNickedMyName Tue 04-Feb-14 12:10:04

YANBU to be enraged, but really, you know she is a racist, you know what a vile person she is, yet knowing all this you still chose to be friends with her so her comments should not have been a surprise to you. What would confronting her achieve? A meaningless apology at best.

Ignore her.

PublicEnemyNumeroUno Tue 04-Feb-14 12:16:12

I agree, ignore. I had somebody make some cruel remarks about my son and i was ready to fucking kill the bitch, so i know its easier said than done, but this girl sounds like real fucking trouble and confronting her will just lead to more aggro i think

DameDeepRedBetty Tue 04-Feb-14 12:22:26

Ignore.

Karma will eventually bite her on the bum for you!

FryOneFatManic Tue 04-Feb-14 12:32:53

Most people will listen to this "friend" and realise her comments say far more about her (and her nastiness) than they ever could say about you, OP.

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