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AIBU to think that it is never ok for a man to hit a woman?

(54 Posts)
Giggity Fri 31-Jan-14 20:24:39

I was talking to my boyfriend and he said that sometimes a man could hit a woman but I kept on telling him that is is totally unacceptable. Do you think there are some situations where a man can hit a woman?

scantilymad Sat 01-Feb-14 05:59:44

Oh it's a goady thread? I did wonder that but didn't want to be told I was troll hunting. Bit pathetic, especially as DV is something a lot of people have lived or are living through.

BillyBanter Sat 01-Feb-14 02:55:08

No one should hit anyone except in self defence or the defence of others. A man has as much right to defend himself against a woman as vice versa.

MusicalEndorphins Sat 01-Feb-14 02:47:05

So Giggity, have your feelings towards your boyfriend changed since he showed you what he is made of?
And if the truth behind this post is that he has hit you, and is trying to justify it, please don't think it is "sometimes ok", it is NOT ok.

FraidyCat Sat 01-Feb-14 01:14:03

Self-defence rarely involves actually hitting someone. I.e., someone hits me and then I hit them back, how does that make me safer?

It makes you safer if your blow kills them, or stuns them, or puts them in so much pain that they literally cannot talk let alone move. (I was returning to a hostel at boarding school after lunch when a 17-year irritated by my 14-year-old self being in his way going through the front door gave me a slight punch in the kidneys. It was minutes before I recovered enough to be able to make a sound. Had he been a serious attacker I would have been unable to run away let alone hit back had he chosen to do more during those few minutes. After that first blow I would have been helpless for long enough for someone to kill me with their bare hands, even someone who would have been no threat had I seen them coming.)

I did Karate as a child, from a self-defense point of view the main benefit was that it gave me confidence which resulted in people not attacking me. (I realise as I write that the anecdote in the previous paragraph contradicts this. Karate doesn't protect you at boarding school if the school ethos is that older boys are allowed to hit younger boys at will and you are not allowed to say anything to anyone about it.)

I never regretted choosing Karate, but even as a 12-year old it dawned on me that a disadvantage of Karate (compared to a wrestling sport like Judo) is that there are no low-key techniques suited to a playground situation. The whole point of everything you learn is to disable an opponent with a single blow, or at most a combination of two or three.

I suppose striking someone in the face or stomach would be relatively low-key, compared to striking at the throat or groin.

Having said that, the only time I actually used Karate in a school bullying situation, I did find a low-key way to use it. I was 16, a new boy of the same age, about six inches taller than me, was pretending to start a "friendly" boxing match with me, despite me repeatedly making clear I wasn't interested. As he advanced towards me I slapped him on the side of the face with a roundhouse kick off my leading foot. His face went white, he was literally so shocked by a foot appearing out of nowhere that he just walked away muttering something about kicking not being cricket... (Can you tell that this is a fond memory?)

(I mean literally just a slap - my style of Karate had very strict rules on non-contact during training so its normal for anyone who isn't a beginner to be able to focus a punch/kick to within an inch or two of an opponent without actually touching them. A couple of inches further is a slap, another couple of inches would hopefully be serious damage.)

ChippingInWadesIn Sat 01-Feb-14 01:06:04

First post on MN - a goading load of nonsense - posts then leaves...

Why bother answering people, it's just another wind up.

DioneTheDiabolist Sat 01-Feb-14 00:58:08

What a stupid post!

RonaldMcDonald Sat 01-Feb-14 00:52:46

Self defence is completely valid

FlockOfTwats Sat 01-Feb-14 00:50:31

My dp punched me in the mouth once - to be fair, he was asleep

I'm always injuring my family members in my sleep. I have punched DP in my sleep, And DD usually gets in the way of my sleeping activities! I rolled over once and dug my elbow into her hip, I went to sit up half asleep and lent on her hair and took some of it out - Woken up fully by the screams.

One night she woke me up, pitch fucking black, stood over me, talking in some sort of darth vadar imitation voice. Well. I nearly shat the bed. I jumped up, arms flailing and screaming and managed to clock her one round the chops.

People really should avoid me when i'm asleep. I am a danger! I felt awful.

FlockOfTwats Sat 01-Feb-14 00:45:14

I don't think hitting should ever be acceptable, But i think there are circumstances where it is more understandable, regardless of gender.

I have been hit by two men, One i thoroughly deserved. I hit him first. He reacted in equal measure. I don't think the fact that i am a woman makes that any better or worse.

Another man hit me, on the knee, with a bockan (Sp, its a big wooden sword shaped object). Because i told him to shut his mouth making some horrible jokes about my friend having cancer.

I do not think the first mans actions are anything like the second mans.

rabbitlady Sat 01-Feb-14 00:25:55

your ex-boyfriend? if not, why not?


my old dad sits at my dying (slowly, she's taking years about it and she doesn't have any worrying diseases) mother's bedside, holding her hand and telling her he loves her. she kisses and gnaws on his fingers because 'my mouth likes your hands'.

but i remember the black eyes, the thumps, the fear of the angry man. being sent to make peace by taking in food to him.

i don't have any answers. i told her to leave him. but if she had, she wouldn't have had his support now.

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 31-Jan-14 23:52:57


Attitudes like yours allow domestic abuse to continue.

It might be more common for women to be the victim of DV but men often are too.

MoominIsGoingToBeAMumWaitWHAT Fri 31-Jan-14 23:51:52

Littleen - why is it less 'acceptable' for a man to hit a woman? Why should he be better than that, but a woman can be excused?

Littleen Fri 31-Jan-14 23:47:04

if a woman hits a man he can a) run away or b) restrain her so she can't hit him again. never hit her back. The only times a man can hit a woman is if training boxing/martial arts etc, then obviously it's to be expected. It's not acceptable for anyone to hit anyone though, but a man (who is often larger and/or stronger than a woman) should be better than that. Pick on someone his own size if he must smile

Moomin am trying to get DS to realise at the moment that even if he's just pretending to hit another person he's likely to get hurt in return. Few incidents at kindergarten recently!

I do think it's massively hypocritical when people say that a man should never hit a woman but then don't blink an eye at the concept of a man hitting a man.

brokenhearted55a Fri 31-Jan-14 23:21:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twattyzombiebollocks Fri 31-Jan-14 22:27:16

As most other people have said, there's never a good enough excuse for anyone to hit anyone regardless of gender or provocation. I'd take an equally dim view of a woman hitting a man as a man hitting a woman.

MoominIsGoingToBeAMumWaitWHAT Fri 31-Jan-14 22:13:37

No-one should hit anyone.

We - my brother and sister and I - were taught as children that if we hit someone, regardless of gender, we should expect to be hit back. Being a woman doesn't give us free reign to think we can hit people without repercussions.

In an ideal world, no-one would hit, and then no-one would feel the need to retaliate. Gender has no bearing on this at all. Physical strength shouldn't matter a jot; if you're willing to start on someone, you should be willing to accept the consequences, even if the person you started on is twice your size.

LeBearPolar Fri 31-Jan-14 22:08:00

The phrasing of the title really irritates me. I hate the way it implies that it's OK for a woman to hit a man somehow. It's not OK for anyone to hit anyone, OP - does that clear it up for you?

AnyFucker Fri 31-Jan-14 22:05:39

Trust the feeling in your water wink

MamaPain Fri 31-Jan-14 22:05:13

If I hit anyone man or woman I would deem it an acceptable response for that person to hit me back.

Fanny is not a free pass.

Many women are bigger than many men, you can't say a chromosome makes one situation fair and just but the other is wrong.

Other example, if a woman was attacking my child, and DH was the only person around I would feel him totally within his rights to intervene and use violence if necessary.

WorraLiberty Fri 31-Jan-14 22:03:06

Oh right, it's just I'm reading it a lot lately and I thought you all knew something I didn't grin

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 31-Jan-14 22:02:49

Are we talking self defence?

Because, yes he is right, everyone has the right to defend themselves against a physical attack.

scantilymad Fri 31-Jan-14 22:01:25

Check profile? Does it show joining dates etc?

AnyFucker Fri 31-Jan-14 21:59:36

call it intuition

WorraLiberty Fri 31-Jan-14 21:56:46


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