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AIBU to think that it is never ok for a man to hit a woman?

(54 Posts)
Giggity Fri 31-Jan-14 20:24:39

I was talking to my boyfriend and he said that sometimes a man could hit a woman but I kept on telling him that is is totally unacceptable. Do you think there are some situations where a man can hit a woman?

Hulababy Fri 31-Jan-14 20:26:36

Well, I don't think anyone should hit another person at all, so no - not really.

I guess self defence may be the only mitigating reasons, for anyone really.

Giggity Fri 31-Jan-14 20:26:53

He didn't mean it like "she was asking for it I had to hit 'er" but if the woman hits the man first.

MothratheMighty Fri 31-Jan-14 20:28:30

What situations did he suggest it would be acceptable in?
Heimlich manoeuvre? Shoving you out of the path of an enraged rhinoceros?

CommanderShepard Fri 31-Jan-14 20:28:42

Well not in violence, no. But DH banged me on the back when I was choking once and that was quite reasonable.

WaffilyVersatile Fri 31-Jan-14 20:28:43

so err what on earth was his justification for that corker!?

AuntieStella Fri 31-Jan-14 20:29:19

Everyone is entitled to self defence.

But that's as far as it goes.

And ideally that is minimal force to neutralise the threat. Not carte blanche to hit back.

MothratheMighty Fri 31-Jan-14 20:30:28

If you are being attacked, you have the right to use reasonable force to defend yourself. There is a lot of information around as to what that constitutes, and the limits. Plus if it comes to court, the jury will decide too.

RandyRudolf Fri 31-Jan-14 20:30:34

I think in the heat of the moment it would be tempting to hit someone back but it's not really the right thing is it. Backing off gives a better chance of diffusing the situation, leave the scene if necessary and go back later to discuss when people have had chance to cool off. Easier said than done for some though.

SaucyJack Fri 31-Jan-14 20:30:49

Well, I agree with him then.

Having a vagina doesn't entitled one to smack anybody you like without reprisal.

BarbarianMum Fri 31-Jan-14 20:30:55

In self defense. To protect another person. With provisos for the use of reasonable force.

I think the same applies to everyone, actually.

amyshellfish Fri 31-Jan-14 20:31:01

Its not acceptable for a woman to hit a man either except maybe in self defence either and anyone who says otherwise is a stupid twat. Regardless of relative sizes and whatever else bull shit that comes out on these threads to justify women hitting men. People shouldn't be hitting other people.

FudgefaceMcZ Fri 31-Jan-14 20:31:15

Self defence or the defence of others? Do you think soldiers never fight against women in war? And most people think they are heroes, so clearly it is sometimes socially acceptable. It is IMO generally less acceptable to hit or perpetrate unwanted physical contact of any kind against someone who is smaller or weaker than you, and it's very cowardly to do so unless just restraining them (e.g. parent restraining a toddler). I don't think it's so much to do with gender (except in domestic violence which is usually gendered, despite MRAs trying to pretend otherwise) as with physical strength and size.

LEMmingaround Fri 31-Jan-14 20:31:47

My dp punched me in the mouth once - to be fair, he was asleep shock

MothratheMighty Fri 31-Jan-14 20:32:31

Interesting first post Giggity, what do you think the answer should be?

BarbarianMum Fri 31-Jan-14 20:37:19

I may be much smaller than my dh but if I punched him in the face, it would really hurt him. It is not OK to do that just because he is a big bloke and I'm a woman. If I did I would not feel he had to 'gently restrain me like a toddler' because I'm not a toddler, I'd be an adult assaulting him.

Apart from a really limited set of circumstances, it is not OK to use violence against another person. Gender doesn't come into it.

matildamatilda Fri 31-Jan-14 20:49:26

Self-defence rarely involves actually hitting someone. I.e., someone hits me and then I hit them back, how does that make me safer?

True self-defence involves walking way or maybe physically blocking a blow, maybe sometimes restraining someone's hand if they're about to land a blow.

So the "I had to hit that person because he/she hit me first" line is usually bullshit.

Anyway, I wish most people were as upfront about their misogyny as your boyfriend seems to be. Sarcastic slow clap.

Honestly my first reaction to your OP was "Massive red flag. Leave."

Now I've seen he meant if he'd been hit first, hmm, OK, less immediate red flag (and better than ridiculous double standards ie it's fine for a man to hit a man but never for a man to hit a woman, poor delicate frail things) BUT surely the actual argument is it's never OK to hit anyone?

I mean, it kind of depends how it was phrased/came up really.

If his attitude is "I'd react the same to anybody threatening me regardless of gender" then fair enough.

If it was "But it is OK for men to hit women sometimes" and formulating the argument to justify that then no.

Also "I would hit someone" in general is a bit douchey, IMO. There are far better ways to deal with 99.9999% of situations.

RedPencils Fri 31-Jan-14 20:55:26

I tell my sons that if someone hits them they walk away. It's not ok to hit anyone.
Hopefully I won't have to tell them this when they grown up.

candycoatedwaterdrops Fri 31-Jan-14 21:00:43

YABU. It's never ok to hit another person.

StandingInLine Fri 31-Jan-14 21:10:23

After id had my first I suffered post natal and had violent episodes towards partner. He took most of it but the third (and last) time he slapped me back and pinned me against the wall until id calmed down. I fully understood that it was in self defense and tbh if I could dish it out like I did then I should've been prepared to also be on the receiving end.

My partner is the most sensitive soul you'd meet and would never hurt anyone. During the times I've thrown insults at him he's never retaliated. Him hitting me was more to stun me and calm me ,which it did.

It does annoy me when people say that under no circumstances should you ever hit a woman. And no you shouldn't. However ,when you've got a woman acting like a man and laying into you then I think she should ,like me ,expect to get something back.

It's not even to do with whether a woman is "acting like a man" - it's not manly to lay into someone.

If there are any, vanishingly rare situations where it's OK to hit someone (and perhaps, yes, slapping someone in order to snap them out of an extreme situation may be one) then it shouldn't matter if they are male or female.

AnyFucker Fri 31-Jan-14 21:32:30

welcome to MN,

MostWicked Fri 31-Jan-14 21:36:20

Gender is irrelevant. No-one should hit anyone else (unless there is a medical, health or safety reason why they should)

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