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To wonder why no one will help me

(112 Posts)
SadderThanSad Thu 30-Jan-14 23:22:20

I am living a nightmare. I have suffered a major bereavement in traumatic circumstances two weeks ago. I lost a child.

The grief is too enormous for me to manage alone.

I have seen my GP, seen a counsellor, spoke to numerous helplines, but I am going out of my mind with grief and torment and I just don't want to live any more. I'm not suicidal, I have a husband and other children who need me, but I wish the decision could somehow be taken out of my hands.

I have begged and begged for help, asked if I could somehow be sectioned or taken away, given intensive counselling or...look, I just don't know. But I'm literally dying inside and screaming out for some fucking help.

Doinmummy Thu 30-Jan-14 23:23:30

You poor thing, I'm so so sorry you lost your child

WhenSheWasBadSheWasExhausted Thu 30-Jan-14 23:25:22

thanks I don't know what to say, just wanted to offer my condolences. I hope someone more helpful will be along soon.

Cabrinha Thu 30-Jan-14 23:25:26

I'm so sorry, that is awful, beyond words.
I know I don't have the answer, but I couldn't read this and not reply and say how sorry I am sad

Dromedary Thu 30-Jan-14 23:26:03

So sorry. Can you see your GP again? If you're in so much pain, is he not willing to prescribe you with some medication that will help? Or have you been told that this is something that you just have to go through, if not now then later?

cees Thu 30-Jan-14 23:26:29

I'm sorry, I'm not much help just know I am thinking of you and your family.

lougle Thu 30-Jan-14 23:26:45

What a terrible thing to have to deal with. What would help you? Can you bring yourself to typing about your child?

LEtranger Thu 30-Jan-14 23:27:01

I am so sorry for your loss. I have no practical advice I can offer, but just know there is another person thinking about you tonight. I hope some ppl who have been where you are come along with some help. Some very unMUmsnetty hugs xxxxxx

SadderThanSad Thu 30-Jan-14 23:27:46

I have sedatives, but they just make me tired and sad
My family are amazing but they don't know how to help me
Two weeks ago I was the happiest person in the world

Barefootgirl Thu 30-Jan-14 23:28:01

I am so sorry. I don't have anything helpful to say, and i cannot begin to imagine the pain you are in, but I wish I could help you in some way. I don't want to sound trite, but maybe the only thing to do is keep on putting one foot in front of the other, and just exist for a bit. Take all and every scrap of help that is offered, even if its not enough. It will never, can never be enough...but its something.

I wish you weren't going through this tragedy.

SadderThanSad Thu 30-Jan-14 23:28:40

It was a neonatal death

HeartShapedBox Thu 30-Jan-14 23:28:49

I have no advice, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss.


Doinmummy Thu 30-Jan-14 23:28:57

I don't know if it's the done thing Op but could you pm someone like MrsDevere? I believe she has been through this .

Sending you strength x

Cabrinha Thu 30-Jan-14 23:29:28

I think I know what you mean about not being suicidal but wishing the decision wasn't in your hands. I had a miscarriage a few years ago - which is nothing compared to your grief - and I remember thinking, I'd never kill myself, but if I woke up dead (well, didn't wake up, ykwim) it would be good.

There is a bereavement board on here, but I don't know how busy it is - and I don't say that to say you shouldn't post here.

I know you've spoken to helplines, but perhaps someone here knows of a group or helpline that is close to your own circumstances and you might feel more understood?

Do you want to talk about your child tonight? xxx

newbiefrugalgal Thu 30-Jan-14 23:30:35

Such sadness you must be feeling g

Doinmummy Thu 30-Jan-14 23:31:06

MrsDevere is lovely and will truly know how you feel xx

Cabrinha Thu 30-Jan-14 23:31:24

Ah, cross posted. I suppose it's SANDS that you've spoken to? My friend found them very supportive, but I can't imagine any support is ever enough.

I'm so sorry. Would you like to tell us your baby's name? I'm sorry if that's intrusive to ask. x

anothernumberone Thu 30-Jan-14 23:31:58

Sadder that is awful. I am so sorry.

Grennie Thu 30-Jan-14 23:32:25

I am so so sorry. You won't be sectioned though unless you are deemed to be at risk of harming yourself or someone else. There is a desperate need for places to provide respite. They sadly don't exist.

diddlediddledumpling Thu 30-Jan-14 23:32:26

I'm so sorry, I can't imagine the pain you're going through.
Could your GP or counsellor recommend a support group for bereaved parents? Perhaps speaking to someone who does understand would help you get through this early stage when you must be completely overwhelmed and traumatised.

remotecontrols Thu 30-Jan-14 23:33:14

flowers you must be heartbroken sad

MandatoryMongoose Thu 30-Jan-14 23:33:25

I'm so sorry.

Can your GP put you in touch with a crisis team? Someone who could come and see you everyday for a little while?

If you do feel suicidal at any point please know you can go to A&E, they have mental health professionals around at anytime day or night who can help you in an emergency.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos Thu 30-Jan-14 23:33:48

Hi, Sadder, happy to chat either here or via PM, if you would like. I had a SB, losing our eldest daughter.

AlbertoFrog Thu 30-Jan-14 23:33:52

How many times have you seen a counsellor? When my DSIL was dying my GP set up sessions with a grief counsellor. It was a weekly appointment until I felt ready to stop.

By the way, I'm in no way trying to compare my situation to yours. I can't begin to imagine how devastated you must feel. I just mean that once or twice is not enough. Please go back to your GP. See a different GP. Keep on at them. I don't know why they don't help you. They should be helping you. I sincerely hope they do help you.

I am so, so sorry for your loss.


FlorenceMattell Thu 30-Jan-14 23:34:40

So so sorry. It must be so painful. I hope you get some day to day help soon. Only thing I can say is take an hour at a time. If you manage the smallest of things you have done well. Wish I could add something more helpful.

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