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about visiting in laws while pregnant

(56 Posts)
toddlewaddleflipflop Wed 29-Jan-14 21:28:43

I'm nearly 30 weeks pregnant with a baby who has a serious health condition that will need surgery in the first few weeks of life. My MIL is wanting us to visit (to stay in a b&b near them as they really don't have space for us). They live in the middle of nowhere, 2-3 hours drive from the hospital the baby needs to be born in, and with no hospital that can provide the specialist care baby needs any nearer. My first baby was born at 36 weeks. Its about 3.5 hours drive from our house to theirs and we would have our three year old with us. AIBU to not want to go? I feel bad as, though I've said no, she was crying on the phone to DH just now...

If it makes any difference, we drove even further to visit them at other relatives house at Christmas. We've said they are welcome to come here, though health issues for stepFIL make it difficult, though not impossible, for them to travel.

Custardo Wed 29-Jan-14 21:30:24

no, i wouldn't go, she can cry allshe wants to emotionally manipulate the situation, but for your sense of wellbeing...stay put
if you went you wouldnt enjoy it anyway

BrandNewIggi Wed 29-Jan-14 21:30:46

You saw them last month? And you have a bloody good reason not to visit. Is it a special birthday or something, that makes it so important to them?
You shouldn't go.

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle Wed 29-Jan-14 21:32:05

Good lord no, don't go. Why are they so desperate for you to go?

Pigeonhouse Wed 29-Jan-14 21:33:15

Of course yanbu, and your MIL, however much she would like to see you all, needs to respect your decision, when you've already said no, for the most understandable of reasons. The crying on the phone thing (unless there's something else going on entirely) is manipulative and putting a further burden on someone facing a very difficult situation.

Best wishes to you for the rest of your pregnancy and your baby when s/he arrives

KippyVonKipperson Wed 29-Jan-14 21:34:15

If I was you, I wouldn't go. If it meant that much to them they can come to you if fil condition can allow it. If you had a straightforward pregnancy situation that's one thing, but the anxiety you must have, coupled with the genuine need to be near a large hospital would make it foolish to go just to please her. She is being totally unreasonable.

Inertia Wed 29-Jan-14 21:34:27

She can cry all she likes- your baby could feasibly arrive any week now, and you know for sure that he or she will need immediate medical intervention. This is a no-brainer- you have to be near the hospital that can provide the medical care your baby will need.

ZillionChocolate Wed 29-Jan-14 21:35:02

YANBU. Unless she's on death's door, she can wait.

KippyVonKipperson Wed 29-Jan-14 21:35:21

Oh, and best of luck with your new baby and the surgery, hope it all goes well.

Lambzig Wed 29-Jan-14 21:37:40

I would not go. You have a very sensible reason for not going and the anxiety it would cause would be awful. Please don't feel bad.

hoobypickypicky Wed 29-Jan-14 21:40:27

What kind of grown up cries because her son and daughter in law aren't able to visit her when she wants them to? How pathetic! How manipulative too!

YANBU. Let her cry, your health and that of your baby comes first.

EEatingSoupForLunch Wed 29-Jan-14 21:44:26

Of course YANBU! What a stressful situation, it must be so worrying OP. You need to prioritise your needs right now, it's hard enough being heavily pregnant with a 3 year old without the added anxiety of baby's health issues. It's a shame your MIL isn't seeing that she needs to put you first right now, but ignore the tears and take time for you and your family. I hope your DH is helping you to brush off unreasonable demands? Take care of yourself thanks

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle Wed 29-Jan-14 21:46:29

Yanbu. But you already know that! I hope you're DH agrees.

Best of luck with birth and subsequent surgery. Wishing you all the best!

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle Wed 29-Jan-14 21:46:51

Gah. Your. Not you're. Damn phone!

IsabellaRockerfeller Wed 29-Jan-14 21:47:47

Your MIL is being completely unreasonable. And bloody manipulative.

You 100% should stay near your home and wait for baby to come so that s/he is near the medical care s/he needs.

Why can your MIL not come and visit your house?

sittingbythepoolwithenzo Wed 29-Jan-14 21:48:08

I don't think you should go, and I don't think she should be making a fuss.

Hope all goes well.

DejaVuAllOverAgain Wed 29-Jan-14 21:48:36


Your mil is BVVVVU, manipulative and selfish putting herself before you and your unborn child.

CheeseStrawWars Wed 29-Jan-14 21:49:43

You've said they're welcome to visit you, it's not like she can't see you and family at all! YANBU.

breatheslowly Wed 29-Jan-14 21:53:02

YANBU - perhaps your DH could go on his own, if you are comfortable with that.

Meerka Wed 29-Jan-14 21:55:32

crying or not, you need to put your baby and yourself first.

No, you are definitely not being unreasonable. Absolutely not. By wanting to stay near the right medical care you are doing the right thing.

Sorry but your health issues trump your stepFIL's right now by a long way.

Stay strong on this.

MyNameIsKenAdams Wed 29-Jan-14 21:56:38

Send dh and ds and stay home and rest!

toddlewaddleflipflop Wed 29-Jan-14 21:57:13

Thanks so much for your responses, I really was prepared to be told not to be so precious! To be fair, she has a pretty difficult life and the crying was more sadness at the situation than a deliberate attempt at manipulation, I feel. DH accepts my decision, though would still prefer to go. It helps to know that some people think I'm not being completely unreasonable!

lilyaldrin Wed 29-Jan-14 21:57:44

Ask your MIL - seriously, you want me to risk my baby in order to visit you again?

She's crazy.

ShadowFall Wed 29-Jan-14 21:58:40


Agree you should stay home so you're near the hospital. The last thing you need is to be worrying about whether the baby will arrive early when you're 2 - 3 hrs drive from the nearest suitable hospital.

donttrythisathome Wed 29-Jan-14 22:00:02

Look at this logically. You are asking if you should risk your newborn/your own health/life rather than hurt your MIL's feelings.
Still feel like a dilemma?

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