to want my children to call DM "Granny" instead of by her first name?

[Evie2014]

I'm a new poster (very long term lurker though) and am a bit scared of sticking my head into the jaws of AIBU for my first thread; but I did want to canvass a variety of opinions, not just the pregnancy board.

I'm 20 weeks pregnant with twins. My sister is also pregnant- 30 weeks. The three babies will be our parents' first grandchildren. We asked DM what she wanted her grandkids to call her, expecting variations of "Granny", "Gran", "Nana", etc. She announced that she expects them to call her by her first name, "Betty" (not her real name but for the sake of discussion).

Even worse, my DF (presumably in solidarity as he does pander defer to her a lot) says he wants to be called by HIS first name. Trouble is, nobody actually uses his first name. His family and friends call him a variety of nicknames. So he wants his grandchildren to call him, say, "Patrick" (again not his real name) when he's only ever known as Pat or Paddy or a nickname by everyone who knows him. So his grandchildren will be calling him something MORE formal than anyone else.

AIBU to want my children to call their grandparents by the sweet and loving terms that most children use, instead of by cold, formal first names?

I'm struggling not to read more into this than it actually means. I'm wary of preggo hormones so don't want to let myself spiral into "well if they don't even want to be CALLED "Granny" or "Grandad" that means they don't really WANT to be grandparents" (oh that way madness lies).

[Beanymonster]

I think for the first year at least just grin and bare it, however when they start to actually use names, I'd just push the 'nanna' or whatever you decide, il probably be flamed because it's down to them etc but I agree with you, very formal!!

[Eatriskier]

I have no clue if Yabu or Yanbu. But my df decided he wanted to be pops instead if grandad. He is now called grandad pop pop my my kids (outs self). On account of how much he pops... Things don't always work out

[Beanymonster]

Sorry- also worth baring in mind they might be struggling to come to terms with the fact they will be grandparents the 'first' time with 3 babies!! Scary to think you are that old? Maybe it's just them trying to feel a bit younger? Buy some cute baby grows with 'I love my nanna' on for the first time she sees them, they will soon soften!!

[ecuse]

What does your sister think?

[DawnOfTheDee]

They'll call them what they call them.

DD1 insists on calling me 'Dawn' despite repeated requests to use the more tradiitonal 'mummy'......

[Back2Basics]

I think ignore it for the first year and make up your own nickname to call them which the dc will pick up on.

[rabbitlady]

what's 'granny'? my granddaughter, a beautiful, articulate child of two years two months, calls me 'grandma'. it sounds wonderful.
i wouldn't like her to call me 'rabbitlady'. though the similarities between myself and scarf lady have been noted.

[notadoctor]

To be honest, I think the kids will end up deciding what to call them. My DD calls my parents Granny and Grampa (my Mum wanted Grandma but it didn't work out!) but my niece who is the same age calls them her own nicknames based on their first names. Both sound equally cute and affectionate!

[Evie2014]

Lovely replies- thank you. I feel better now- the matter-of-fact reassurance has brought me out of my slightly worked-up state!

ecuse- my sister and I raised eyebrows at each other but haven't really discussed it. I think we're avoiding discussing it with each other because we would only get ourselves into a tizzy of annoyance!

Just to clarify- I wouldn't mind any variation on the grandparent theme including Grandma or Pop- but my parents have specifically said they want No Pet Names Whatsoever. Just their full Christian names.

Beanymonster - I do reckon that they are a bit weirded out by the prospect of 3 DCs in the space of a couple of months. DM in particular might be a teeny tiny bit vain and perhaps doesn't want to think of herself as a grandmother. However she is 62 so it's not unusual to be a granny at her age!

I do very much like the winning-the-battle-via-small-child approach, though. Get the grandparents while their defences are lowered by small toothless grins...

[saffstel]

My df wanted to be called grandpa but none of the children could say it so it's papa now and he's totally charmed by that.
Your babies may end up creating names for your parents!

[WeAllHaveWings]

My dn(20) calls my dm "gran Betty" (not real name).

You could introduce this to your dm by saying to your dc "do you want to see your gran Betty", so you are using her name as requested but also mentioning that she is a grandparent. Might get her used to the idea.

[WillYouDoTheFandango]

Ha my mum said the same, 20 seconds after meeting him she was cooing about being his nan and now he's a year she signs herself nanny on his cards.

I think my DM just needed to adjust to becoming a grandma, maybe yours does too.

If not it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things.

[DrNick]

how vain

call them granny/grandad

[Evie2014]

Aww, giggling now (esp at Fandango's DM)!

I've let go nicely of the issue now (was worrying away at it too much)- nice to just sit back and know things will happen as they happen. Thank you everyone!

[QueenofLouisiana]

My DM has become Nanna, just as I called her mum. The two Grandads are differentiated by their dogs- so Grandad with Mutt and Grandad with Doggie. Definitely not planned, but decided on by DS.

[Sukebind]

My MIL tried the same thing. I said no. End of story. I think she was just trying it on to be contrary (habit of a lifetime ) as she didn't put up much of a fight and settled on the name her mother had been called as a grandmother. There is also a trend in that side of the family not to like being called 'Auntie' or 'Uncle'. Apart from my DH's own aunt and uncle from whence this seems to have originated, I have just ignored that too and eventually they got used to it.

[BratinghamPalace]

My mother refuses Grandma, she spends too much on face creams!! She goes by her first name. I was a bit put out at first but as with most things in life, it has worked out just fine. The children know she is Grandmother, they say " this is x, my grandmother". And mum gets center stage explaining the whole thing. And life proceeds!

[Sweetishdelight]

I suspect I am of the same generation as your parents. First names are not cold and formal, to be allowed to use them at all is a privilege.
Our generation does not like generic titles and that's just what granny etc are. At the same time, I am sure your children will be the ones to make the ultimate decision. I am granny Mary (not my real name!) btw, it IS pregnancy hormones! This is not the big deal you are making it out to be. Still - I want to decide what I am to be called. No way would I even consider responding to "nan" for example

[Greydog]

Maybe they could be called Mr and Mrs Whatever?

[DustyBaubles]

Gosh, I feel a bit freaky now.

I hate Granny ,Grandma, Grandad etc.

We didn't use those terms as children, we didn't refer to anyone as 'Aunty X' or 'Uncle Y' either, we just used names.

We might have introduced them with 'oh, this is my grandfather/mother' but that would be as. Lose as we got.

It has never occurred to me that that was unusual until now

[DrNick]

lol at greydog

[FredFredGeorge]

Identity is important to people, if they do not see themselves as granny, it's rude to call them granny. They are completely free to choose what they respond to.

When talking to your child about them, you can call them whatever you want, although it's relatively unhelpful to use different terms to what they will respond to, so it's sensible to go along. Let them choose. However your DC will also choose the terms they want to use, and there may well be a battle between DC and GP, but you can stay out of that, that's between them

I don't particularly like my DD calling me Daddy, but when I suggest Dad, or Fred, she just opts for FREDDY Which is even more annoying, so I put up with daddy!

[HamletsSister]

My MiL insisted on being called Grandmother in a rather grand way. The children call her Granny. She has to suck it up but insists on signing cards with the full name.

[Nanny0gg]

I would find it weird to be called Mum by my children but FirstName by my grandchildren.

I was so thrilled to be a grandmother it wouldn't have occurred to me not to be given a 'title'.

[TamerB]

The grandmother gets to choose her own name! The children may well use their own but it is nothing to do with the parent.