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To think it's sad seeing women begging for proposals

(60 Posts)
Anonfornow00 Wed 29-Jan-14 12:33:46

I'm seeing so much of this lately, firstly a very successful beauty blogger I keep up with is forever putting up ring statuses with hint hint tagging her boyfriend. My good friend and all round amazing person sends her long term partner pictures of rings weekly and entering wedding competitions, another friend gave her long term partner an ultimatum so he proposed on Valentine's day. I've just seen another girl I know tagging her partner in a picture about how great women are (you know, she carried your children, she makes a house a home etc) and tagged her partner saying how her finger feels empty.

Is it just me or is this fucking crazy? If they want to get engaged so desperately why don't they ask themselves?

It just seems really desperate and everyone around being so aware, when they eventually do pop the question is just feels like they've been broken down.

nickymanchester Wed 29-Jan-14 14:56:48

Thank you Topaz25

dontsqueezetheteabag Wed 29-Jan-14 14:50:23

Totally baffled also - I have very happy single friends but I have 2 friends in particular who were giving off the gagging to get married scent for ages. 1 of them recently got engaged (I was so happy for her) but NOONE likes her fiancee. he was caught by 2 separate people at my sisters wedding taking cocaine (people that did not even know him). He has previous convictions for dealing drugs in a nightclub, he goes to gamblers self help group.

She will just not see that side of him despite many mutual friends saying to her that they are worried about her and what he will bring her in the future.

She gave off that desparate scent for soooo long she would not give him up even if he was a serial killer.

Wait fot the right person - it happens, most of the time when you least expect it.

hippoesque Wed 29-Jan-14 14:50:15

Thelistingattic. We have discussed it and we're getting married this year. He wants to propose though (men are just as funny as we are smile)

Waitingforflo Wed 29-Jan-14 14:50:13

^ I always think there is something nice about couples that have been together for decades without feeling the need to get married.^

I like this too smile.

^ I always think there is something nice about couples that have been together for decades without feeling the need to get married.^

I used to think that was a lot more romantic too... waking up and choosing to be with the person you were with not just staying because you are married.

But then I realized that people can get divorced, so everyday they wake up and choose to stay with that person they are still making that commitment. And that also wherever you move to whatever you do..marriage is a water tight contract. Dh and I have lived in 3 countries.
I don't need to speak to a lawyer everywhere we go when I want to make sure I am secure financially if he gets hit by a bus or that if something happened to me he is the legal father of our children etc. It's all good, maybe not super romantic but immensely practical grin

DukeSilver Wed 29-Jan-14 14:42:20

It totally baffles me too. I imagine if I ever get married it will come about through a discussion.

To be fair though it isn't something I could ever understand because marriage isn't important to me, it's definitely not something I think it essential before children or to have a long happy life together. I always think there is something nice about couples that have been together for decades without feeling the need to get married.

CarolineKnappShappey Wed 29-Jan-14 14:35:08

Because I wanted to be married before we had children I was keen for DH to propose. He had no idea about fertility declining so fast with age, and just assumed that you could get pregnant whenever you wanted. I did not want to wait around till He was ready and I was 40.

So pressure was applied. I wish I didn't but I couldn't help it. I loved him, we were happy, and we both wanted a family. But unlike women who think about these things and plan them, he just didn't realise that I didn't want to wait.

I did wait though, and he got there eventually, but it did cause some fights.

I do have sympathy for men though in this situation. Women have rightly proved that we can do anything men can do in the workplace, we are equal. Loads of young boys in their 20s date girls as ambitious and as hard working as them. Then the boys are shocked when the women say, "right, if we want a family, now'a the time to think about it."

Really rabbit?

Argh, Why can't I add pics to this thread???????

KarmaVersusGeorgeOsbourne Wed 29-Jan-14 14:31:26

I don't understand either. When we realised that things were going to be 'serious', we discussed these things- marriage, kids, what we expected of each other and what we wanted. He asked me if I would like a 'surprise' romantic proposal, and I said no grin we ended up setting a date when we were washing the dishes one night

FloweryFeatureWall Wed 29-Jan-14 14:29:40

Assets? I lolled grin

Waitingforflo Wed 29-Jan-14 14:20:31

'Gave your assets away' grin . . .

hootloop Wed 29-Jan-14 14:17:30

A bit harsh rabbitlady
I am pretty sure people change their minds rather than pretend.

headoverheels Wed 29-Jan-14 14:17:11

YABU. I was dropping hints to DH for a good few months before he proposed. We'd been together nearly 5 years by then and I wanted to know one way or the other, but I knew he'd want to do the actual proposing himself.

We've been married for 10 happy years now and have 3 DC, if I forced him to marry me he's doing a good job of making the best of it!

somedizzywhore1804 Wed 29-Jan-14 14:15:42

I have several friends in this position and it is genuinely bizarre. My best friend was so distraught on my wedding day that I was getting married first despite having been with my DH 6 yrs less time that her and her boyfriend that she proceeded to get hideously drunk and cried at the end of the night saying she would die a spinster grinconfused

It's just weird. HAVE A CONVERSATION!!!!!

rabbitlady Wed 29-Jan-14 14:12:01

it annoys me. particularly when they've chosen to have sex with someone, move in with them, even have their children... all the time pretending they're too independent to want marriage... and then they whinge because there's no ring and no white dress.
well, if you'd wanted that you should have thought about it before you gave all your assets away for no return at all. was the sex worth it? because that was what you got.

Pigeonhouse Wed 29-Jan-14 14:11:08

Cross-posted with Please. Yes, that's what I meant. Having a child or children with someone makes all that fragile, girlish waiting about and hovering near jewellery shop windows before significant dates much more pernicious.

Please, consider the eggwhite yours. It features heavily in a magazine my mother buys (sort of low-rent Irish version of Hello) which has a wedding section in which a photo of the Happy Couple is accompanied by a little blurb which always says 'blah blah, met at work, blah blah, imagine her surprise when he whisked her off to Barbados/Venice/up a random mountain and went down on one knee etc etc'.

FloweryFeatureWall Wed 29-Jan-14 14:10:28

It's not the wanting marriage that's embarrassing. It's the inability to talk about it and to instead hint with ring pictures and deep sighs and moaning about how lovely weddings are etc that's embarrassing.

Pigeonhouse Wed 29-Jan-14 14:06:44

Fudgeface, you are misunderstanding my post. I understand entirely why a woman may want to get married for reasons, including legal protection - I married while pregnant myself, as it seemed easier than drawing up a document that gave equivalent rights to us both - but not why a woman who is in a serious (or apparently serious) relationship where the marriage discussion has taken place does not then regard herself and her partner as engaged and simply go on and marry, rather than sit about dropping hints about St Valentine's Day and rings.

I'm very sorry that happened to you. I do think, though, that the sitting about and hoping for a proposal thing actually makes women more vulnerable than a general societal convention that a marriage is mutually agreed on, followed by said marriage. Because the 'waiting for a proposal' thing seems to potentially extend for years, through pregnancies and the births of children, through joint property decisions etc etc. (I'm not suggesting you did this, incidentally, but it doesn't seem to be considered particularly unusual for a woman who has had several children with someone to be still waiting for him to 'pop the question'.

hootloop Wed 29-Jan-14 14:04:26

I think its a bit odd to be honest, I was 17 when I asked my then boyfriend of 2 months to marry me, I knew I wanted to get married to him, I knew he'd never ask me. We married 8 months later and have been for 13 years.
I had a fairytale proposal from my ex the year before and that didn't end well to say the least.

Or is because you have to be 'whisked' off somewhere to get engaged? As if you were some eggwhite in a bowl???

I am stealing this. I own it now.

That's not baffling at all. The man could go off at any time, leaving the woman possibly pregnant or ill or anything, and he would suffer no social stigma at all. My ex and I had discussed a permanent relationship, agreed that we wanted children etc etc. His friends still thought it was perfectly fine for him to dump me a couple of weeks into a pregnancy we didn't know about at the time, and take up with a 19 year old. How is it then baffling when women don't feel secure, seeing as we aren't, and have no legal protection or rights to support unless we have a stupid bit of paper?

NO, I can totally agree that someone might want the legal safety of marriage especially if they are planning children. It's the "proposal" and the "fairytale wedding" bollocks that goes along with it. I understand someone saying, look is this happening, because I have a limited amount of time and I don't want miss my chance to have kids".

Linking pictures of wedding dresses and rings.. it's just ick. The proposal is then forced and how does that "mean more" than if they discussed it together? Like grown ups.

ercolercol Wed 29-Jan-14 13:56:14

YY YANBU I got married 10 years ago after dh and I had a long drunken conversation and decided to get married. He didn't propose. I didn't realise how weird this was. I didn't have an engagement ring as didn't see the point, luckily lovely MIL gave me one of hers grin.

I think it is strange to wait to be 'asked'. How can your relationship be equal if you can't say 'Let's get married'?

we are now are married, have a joint account, do 50/50 childcare and housework, I kept my name, tho the dcs have dh's. In 2014 I thought that would be the norm. Reading mn it doesn't appear so.

chipshop Wed 29-Jan-14 13:47:03

I wonder how common this is. Several of the wives of DP's mates gave their partners an ultimatum or deadline. I know this because DP had anguished calls and drinks with said mates saying they were not sure if they could go through with it. One actually called him when he was in the kitchen, whispering he knew he had to go into the lounge and do it or he'd be dumped but he really didn't want to. The wives have told me romantic proposal stories which I know aren't true. Ridiculous!

I certainly won't be begging for a proposal but now we live together our families and friends have decided we should get married and it's really annoying. Weddings are a nightmare, we get harangued all day and if we go on holiday everyone gets excited.

Topaz25 Wed 29-Jan-14 13:43:17

Tagging is a way of linking someone to your post on social media so they will see it.

45redballoons Wed 29-Jan-14 13:39:47

We have discussed marriage a lot. We both say things like 'when we get maried we will do this...' so I know he feels the same way I do. I don't know why I need to get married when we are fully committed, I just do. I would however, never publically humiliate him into proposing, we are going through circumstances that mean a wedding wouldn't be any time soon, we are both concentrating on other things, I would rather think about a marriage when our minds are in a better place, and sorry to say, I will be excited when he pops the question. I can't rationalise it, but I won't feel bad about it.

JayEmm Wed 29-Jan-14 13:37:11

I agree with FudgefaceMcZ. Nicely put.

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