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To be extremely fucked off with comment in work and with DH

(69 Posts)
HadABadDay2014 Tue 28-Jan-14 22:26:42

In work today comment was made towards me that I am only par time and that of course I have the time and energy to cook and clean after work.

The conversation at break was about food wastage and I said I will cook and freeze left overs like curry stews spag Bol ECG or turn them into something else. I will also freeze fruit to make into smoothies if they are getting to the use by dates.

I know I do 3 days where as they do 5, but on those 2 days I am not just lounging around. I am still up with school runs and appointments.

To top it off walked in the house and all the housework I did yesterday was undone while DH sat on his ass for 3.5 hours before work.

TheRealAmandaClarke Wed 29-Jan-14 19:04:07

Having a cleaner didn't work for me.
Partly because she was a bit rubbish tbh.
But i felt under pressure to have the place spotlessly tidy so she could actually clean. In the end it was too much hard work for not enough cleanliness ime.
I think if she hadn't damaged things or had come on a day I wanted (was busy on my preferred day) it could have been great. N
But it's put me off a bit tbh.
Plus, what I really need is to introduce the death penalty for DH leavin a mess. Without doubt I married the world's untidyest man.
Tbh I am a bit miserable about clutter ATM.

Work/ life balance is tricky and personal.
A ft working friend is always making pointed remarks about being supremely busy because she works ft (I work pt since having DCs)
But she has no DCs, so has absolutely no idea about the concept of never having any time to oneself.

It irks me when she says this but I say nothing. There is no point.

HadABadDay2014 Wed 29-Jan-14 18:06:55

I know I am off work 2 days which I do catch up with housework but I done specifically batch cook to freeze, I have to cook the children dinner anyway so when I do I just make double and freeze. It saves time.

I did apologise to them today if they took offence at my suggestion.

My DC are school age, but I have 1 day in which I can catch up with housework as the other day I am doing a course on autism to help me with DS.

UseHerName Wed 29-Jan-14 18:06:50

I about to hire a cleaner - tell me why is it shit? I thought it was the answer!!

I think what I really need is a full team of staff - housekeeper,nanny, butler, driver, etc grin

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle Wed 29-Jan-14 17:22:33

I can see both sides - when I was on phased return (3 days) after mat leave I did have lots of time - my house was tidier and I cooked more. BUT - just because I was only 3 days didn't mean I wanted to do all those things.

My friend doesn't work and is always saying how busy, stressed and important she is over the dreaded FB, often with lists 'omg, so stressed and busy - walked the dogs, tidied out the spare room, cooked dinner for the tribe... I need a rest...' her kids are all over the age of 11 and I often feel like saying 'most of us do all that AND work!!

Innogen Wed 29-Jan-14 17:08:04

I think the problem is that you're caring what other people think too much.

Just let it go in one ear and out the other. Who cares what they think about your life? You know how it is!

wobblyweebles Wed 29-Jan-14 16:31:58

I don't understand why people who work full time say they don't have time to bung their leftovers in a tupperware or bag and stick them in the freezer. It takes seconds and then there is an easy meal for another time.

That's assuming they actually cooked a meal. When I was f/t I can't count how many times I walked in at 5.30 (if I was lucky) and said 'Ah feck it, we're going out somewhere.'

annieorangutan Wed 29-Jan-14 16:17:45

I work full time but Im always sitting on my arse at home. Its 90% off what I do

TantrumsAndBalloons Wed 29-Jan-14 13:07:26

3 days a week I come in half an hour before anyone else, work through my lunch and leave at 4pm, not 5 so I can take ds2 to football.
every single time without fail the same person says to me "alright for some, leaving an hour early, what are you, part time?"
It's was infuriating. Now I just say, yeah good isn't it, and go on my way.

SayMyNameSayIt Wed 29-Jan-14 12:26:15

I was talking to someone I know well a year or so ago and saying how stressed I had been at getting the 4 of us ready to go on holiday. Told her I'd been up literally all night. Things had been going to plan till Dc2 had been very sick in school and had to be sent home, my friend very kindly collected him as we live 30 mins away and she lives nearby. (She was originally going to take both dc out so I could get on.)

This person commented, oh I'm just glad I'm always all organised the week before, all packed and ready!
(Yes, but you're at home all day and your dc are a lot older and more independent than mine.)

I didn't say a word but I was extremely irked by this. She is on benefits and I know for an absolute total utter fact that there is no reason whatsoever that she can't work. I can say this with certainty as I know her very well and I know her circumstances. I'd never ever make a comment to her but if I was at home all day and being given the money for it, I'd have plenty of time to get organised.

BTW, their holiday was 2 weeks in a 5star hotel. Again, I know this for a fact. Goes every year.
I can't afford that and I work in a good job.

Sorry, I realise your thread was not about this but some of the comments reminded me of this.
She also said to me one time, Oh but I still need to get the housework and the shopping, the cooking etc
( Yes, and so do those of us who work. Except we don't have 5 child-free hours a day to do it. ) Again, I said nothing.

FWIW, I work 4 days specifically because my Dh works at the weekend and I couldn't face having other people's kids full-time and then my own at the weekend, I'm
not a young mummy!

My day off is for me to rest and do what I like. I don't do housework or anything unless I'm really in the mood!

grumpyoldbat Wed 29-Jan-14 10:57:39

newyear unfortunately the correct response is to work through your breaks, come in early and leave late for free so that your output exceeds the full timers who work so much R while getting part time pay. Then they get to make their delightful comments like"is that you off to skive", " honestly you part timers don't know the meaning of hard work", "you look tired, how can you be tired?" I don't know how I've resisted swearing tbh.

SpottyDottie Wed 29-Jan-14 10:49:49

I work part time but despite this, I still feel pulled from one thing to another. I don't sit on my arse the days I'm not at my job.

MrsMangoBiscuit Wed 29-Jan-14 10:44:38

The office I work in has quite a few working parents (mainly mothers) so when someone made the comment "Well it's your day off tomorrow, at least you can have a rest then" it wasn't just me that laughed! (all in good humour, I work with a friendly bunch smile ) I get more of a rest when I'm at work, plus an uninterupted half an hour to eat my lunch and read a book. As someone said up thread, I had a lot more time to myself pre-DC.

As for your DH, how did he manage to undo a day's housework by sitting on his arse? I'm imagining Mr Tickle crazy arms, waving all over the place and making a big mess! grin But seriously, it's not on for him to make a mess and not clear up after himself.

newyearhere Wed 29-Jan-14 10:18:15

grumpyoldbat that wasn't the "wrong response" IMHO, it was the right one! Just the facts, clearly stated.

KellyElly Wed 29-Jan-14 10:14:10

If anyone who has no children says that they are taking the piss. I had so much more free time when I worked full time and didn't have a child as I could do what the hell I liked at weekends, whereas now weekends are not a break at all. If someone who has kids and works full time made this comment then they may have a point.

redskyatnight Wed 29-Jan-14 09:04:57

I also can't see why the comment at work annoyed you (DH a separate issue).

I've recently gone full time after previously working full time, the volume of "house" work/appointments/school runs has not decreased and even though DH and I split jobs/childcare 50:50 I can assure you that I have far less time and energy to cook and clean than I did when I was part time. Simple maths will tell you that if you had to fit in all (or even half) the things you do in your 2 days off into 5 full time working days you would have less time!

grumpyoldbat Wed 29-Jan-14 08:31:47

Oh absolutely ruth I had complaints that I only had 60% of the output of another colleague. I cracked and replied that I thought it wad pretty good going considering I'm there less than half the time he is. I'm now extremely jumpy and expecting disciplinary action for making the wrong response sad.

Catsize Wed 29-Jan-14 08:23:08

They were being reasonable. Although batch cooking would save them time.

Dontletthemgetyoudown Wed 29-Jan-14 08:22:32

Of course the sahp blunts most of the chores. Usually part time work is to keep down child care costs and to look after the dc. I would expect whoever works less hours out of home to do a bigger share of the housework.

This doesn't mean cleaning up after a lazy dh but yes if I'm home for 2 extra days I'm sure in between drop off and pick ups or toddler groups, dr appointments I can manage to load/unload the dishwasher put washing on, hang clean washing out, make a few beds. Hoover when the dc are playing nicely. Involve the dc in chores give an older toddler a duster or let them pull the washing out of the machine. They usually like to help or at least mine did.

I work full time now and am probably more organised when it comes to household chores than when I was part time but that's because I know I'm short of time, the dc are older now (16, 11, 7 & 4) and I'm the only adult. Doesn't mean I enjoy it or feel I should be doing it. It's because these things need doing or we'd soon be living in squalor.

melika Wed 29-Jan-14 08:19:26

I have two instances to consider:

A SIL who works full time, no cooking for her family (older kids), iron etc. They have chinese take a ways most nights.

A SIL who does not work, gets up at mid day, no kids to look after, does not cook, iron etc. spends time going to gym.

Your life sounds very sensible and balanced.

Mellowandfruitful Wed 29-Jan-14 08:16:14

BookOfRuth - I agree.

Oh and OP, yes deal with your DH as a separate issue. Don't get cross with colleagues if he's really the problem.

Mellowandfruitful Wed 29-Jan-14 08:14:41

No one wins by making it into a competition. You need a few standard phrases to close down this sort of discussion, eg 'It'd be a dull world if we were all the same!' (said with steely cheerfulness) then change the subject. If you feel commenting on differences in lives has shifted into picking at you personally, say so 'I am feeling a bit got at now, can we think of some celeb's cooking we can bitch about instead?'

melika Wed 29-Jan-14 08:12:40

I do get what you are saying, you put effort into what time you have and sound like a very good person using everything to maximum potential. I think they are jealous.

Mumof3xx Wed 29-Jan-14 08:12:06

Children are only at school for 6 hours, I spend over an hour a day on school runs, I have a young baby to prep food and bottles for, get to sleep, and entertain. I have to fit housework around her as she is my priority

TheBookofRuth Wed 29-Jan-14 08:06:49

I always felt part-time working mothers got a raw deal. IME (pre-DC I was a HR Manager and part of my role involved helping returning mums to negotiate a "flexible" working arrangement) what it means is that they fit a virtually full time role into part-time hours, then spend their off time running around like blue-arsed flies trying to get all the domestic stuff done so that the weekends can be family time.

Doesn't sound like a good deal to me.

Jinsei Wed 29-Jan-14 08:02:08

But if your dc are at school, surely you do have more time?

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