To think this is an obscene amount of money?

[SenoritaViva]

£1,000 for a stag do, and I suspect further costs will be incurred whilst there. 4 days, of which two will be travelling, so this does include flights.

At least it is so out of the realm of possibility for us that DH immediately said no, but nevertheless AIBU or terribly old fashioned to think this is an extreme ask of people, or is this now the norm?

[YouTheCat]

A stag/hen do used to involve going out and getting a bit drunk. Now it seems to involve foreign travel and stupid arsed games.

At least your dh said no though. £1000 is more than my whole wedding/honeymoon cost.

[formerbabe]

Yes it seems like its the norm nowadays!

A hen/stag week abroad that you are expected to fork out for, not to mention 'can you get two weeks off work, someone to watch your kids and come to our wedding in the Caribbean?'

[MeepMeepVrooooom]

No way would I spend that.

[Pagwatch]

People are dickheads about stag do/hen dos now.
They all think they are starring in their own Hello magazine spread.

[wintersdawn]

they are insane these days, we have friends who a couple of years ago had to give up the family holiday for the year because he was best man at his brothers wedding and couldn't have missed the stag weekend.

[oscarwilde]

I've had a number of close friends give me attitude about refusing to spend this sort of cash on their hen weekends. It's absurdly entitled, selfish and rude. I don't care if I have it to spend and they know it, it's simply unnecessary and obscene I think to do so.

[ApprenticeViper]

The groom is BVU if he is expecting everyone he has invited to cough up a grand to go on his stag do. If the invitation was extended with an "I know it's an awful lot of money, so if you can't make it I understand", that's a bit different.

Stag and hen party costs do seem to have spiralled ridiculously in the last ten years or so, so I would say YANBU. I've been invited to Edinburgh, Ibiza, Dublin, Marbella, Cyprus and New York, amongst other destinations - the majority of which were declined. My DB has been to Las Vegas on a stag do, said he had a great time but did regret spending all that money.

[curiousuze]

YANBU, it's nuts. My DH was invited to a stag do that was a week in Las Vegas once. What in the name of fuck.

[Onefewernow]

To be frank, I find the whole wedding thing these days obscene. Ludicrous amounts spent, and expected of others.

I met a young couple recently with two kids and a home together, who say they "can't afford to get married". How can that be?

[Floggingmolly]

The arrogance of expecting this of friends astounds me, tbh.
I couldn't even begin to imagine asking people to drop £1000+ on my say so, to attend an event of my choosing, and confidently expect them to happily go along with it.
I'd actually love to have that kind of confidence / self esteem (or is it just dumb arrogance?)

[TheCrackFox]

It has all got a bit ridiculous nowadays.

Set aside the monstrous amount of money - I would completely begrudge taking 4 days out of my meagre holiday entitlement.

[SolidGoldBrass]

For people who are in the banking industry or high up media or whatever, who earn about £1000 a day, it would be no big deal, but it's way beyond what most people can afford to spend on a party.

[DipMeInChocolate]

Yes that's ridiculous. It cost us about 1k last year for the whole wedding thing for DBil. Stag Do £500, Hen Do£200, Hotel rooms for wedding £200, Gifts and spends £100. I was on Mat leave so could really not afford it all.

[MrsGarlic]

I agree with you. But then again when we got married our friends were all students or recent grads so there's no way we'd have asked them to spend that.

[dashoflime]

Jesus, I hope this is not normal. Who the hell can afford that?

[DontmindifIdo]

Depends on your group of friends really. For us, yes, that would be far too much now, but before having DCs/before getting married, DH went a few stag dos overseas (often because he used to live overseas and so has friends living all over Europe, just getting the group of lads together for a few beers would involve international travel for half the group anyway!), I think a few cost in that region, but it was no big deal, they could all afford it easily and it was just an excuse for a boys trip away.

Now, we are living off DH's wage, we have much bigger living expenses and we couldn't afford it.

If the rest of hte group could easily afford that sort of trip, why not just because one or two couldn't, unless those people were considered "critical" (brother, BIL, best man etc).

My hen do was about £100 per head. DH's stag do, I've no idea, it was during the Rugby World cup in Paris, they went to an England game and stayed 2 nights in Paris, Eurostar over for the UK travellers (the European based ones made their own way, I think a few drove), it probably was very expensive, but at the time, all could easily afford it, I think the booking an afternoon off work to travel was the hardest part. Now, the same group of men pretty much all have mortgages and DCs so many probably wouldn't be able to do it.

[YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime]

I went on a hen weekend that cost £1000 about 15 years ago. we hired the same helicopter some F1 driver had used a couple of days before.

people asked who the bride was marrying meaning which famous person. we had to explain just some accountant which was quite embarrassing.

you should only do for the hen/stag what the people you want to be there can afford without pressure. surely it is more about being with friends than anything else?

(however I am not the marrying type so what do i know!)

[Overthinkerzzz]

I think it's an awful lot of money! I would be embarassed to ask my friends to spend that much tbh

[Grennie]

A crazy amount. If you go abroad, it should be cheap flights somewhere close and staying in a youth hostel.

[GirlWithTheDirtyShirt]

You spend what your skintest friend an afford.

[MaxPepsi]

Madness. But as a pp said so long as the stag/hen don't get all uppity about it when people say no.

I've been to a lot of hen do's. The best ones have all been day ones, altho I have enjoyed my overnight and weekend ones.

When I planned my own I was adamant it would involve no over night stay. It was only a few years ago and times were tough for a lot of people. A few people did express surprise however so it must just be accepted as the norm these days.

[missymarmite]

Yanbu. It's obscene.

[HomeIsWhereTheGinIs]

Yanbu. When I had my hen party, I made my hens limit it to a day in the town we lived in. I don't even think it's about being able to afford it you know. It's more about the principle.

[Balistapus]

They all think they are starring in their own Hello magazine spread.

This.

[GimmeDaBoobehz]

It's ridiculous indeed.

When I have my hen do, it will be for a nice meal then do something fun afterwards in this country and the most I'd expect anyone to pay is how much they can afford/feel comfortable with.