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To go against what dh has said?

(186 Posts)
Edenviolet Tue 28-Jan-14 11:46:10

Last week dd1 asked for a couple of bits (a phone case and couple of other small things) which I ordered and should be delivered today. She has been really looking forward to getting them.

However, after school she went to her friends house and when we collected her she said she had loads of homework to do, dh was cross and said if she had that much she should have done it rather than go to see her friend.
Then he asked when she had got the homework, turns out it was last week and she lied to us at the weekend saying she had done it all.

Dd was then up quite late doing her homework, went to bed but was up an hour later with a temperature and earache and sore throat. Se barely slept and is off school today.

Dh said that under no circumstances is dd to have the bits I ordered for her, he said he doesn't care that she's ill and it would cheer her up as he thinks she needs to learn a lesson about doing her homework and not lying to us.

I feel so sorry for her, she's really not well at all and keeps asking can she have the bits when they arrive

What should I do? Give them to her and go against dh or respect the decision he has made?

BigBoobiedBertha Wed 29-Jan-14 09:46:12

Just seen the update on this and your DH's U-turn. I would be furious. He has done exactly the same thing to you that everybody has been telling you not to do. It was a silly punishment that didn't match the crime, you have been stuck home all day with DD whinging and then he swans in and pulls the rug from under your feet and looks like father bountiful. I think most have people have been saying you need to have a word but I think that word has changed - you have every right to be the cross one.

Charlesroi Wed 29-Jan-14 10:39:49

As she has an iPhone, can you get her to put homework alerts in to it when she gets home from schoo? So if maths is due on Thursday you get an alert on Tuesday/Wednesday to remind you. I'm pretty sure the iPhone won't get 'lost'

fascicle Wed 29-Jan-14 11:00:31

I know the situation has moved on, but I completely agree with this:

I'm sorry but if my partner told me instead of discussed with me what to do with my daughter, I'd be mightily pissed off and feel undermined myself.

Your daughter's approach to homework sounds similar to my daughter's (only mine has no health issues, which clearly have an impact). If the current system isn't working, can you discuss together how your daughter would like to manage her homework? Maybe she will approach it better if she feels she's making decisions about how/when it gets done.

MusicalEndorphins Wed 29-Jan-14 12:03:24

I'm sorry hedgehog, I know it is hard. I think I saw you on an eds thread one time. It is in our family too. Maybe tomorrow suggest to your dh, or tell him, that you think you two should confer before announcing any changes to dd next time. Hope she gets over the cold quickly.

Edenviolet Wed 29-Jan-14 12:49:01

She has a blackberry but I'm sure I could put reminders on that for her too I will check, it may help with remembering things.

Dd has been in bed all day, her throat is terribly sore poor thing.

Have not had a chance to speak with dh, he was asleep all evening and is having problems at work so have not had a chance, I'm in the middle of trying to sort out applying for a statement for dd2 and have a million other things to do, but I will speak to him about rules/punishments in future needing to be agreed on and carried out.

diddl Wed 29-Jan-14 13:30:13

Is he feeling bad for not letting her have the stuff?

You definitely need a chat about how to handle this together in the future.

He told her to go to bed & leave her homework, you altered that.
He said that she couldn't have it, you wanted to change that.
Now he's changed the timescale that you set!

You sound as bad as each other!

GiveMummyTheWhizzer Wed 29-Jan-14 13:35:45

DH is right. Regardless of whether she did it on time in the end she still lied to you in the first place.

Sadoldbag Wed 29-Jan-14 14:00:19

A- he is right

And even if he wasn't you will undermine him which will likey causes issues with you and him

Rule one of being a parent always agree in public even if you disagree in private.

AngelaDaviesHair Wed 29-Jan-14 14:01:50

Please read the thread, that ground has already been covered.

horsetowater Wed 29-Jan-14 15:00:07

Hedgehog does DH claim DLA? Sounds as though he ought to be. It might help with your car situation.

Edenviolet Wed 29-Jan-14 15:35:40

Dh tried a while ago but couldn't get it. I was surprised as he has had lots of surgery for knees and chest which didn't work, has daily dislocations and terrible pain and fatigue.

I was also refused it but all dcs receive it. I wasn't surprised about not getting it myself, I get tired easily and do get a lot of neck and hip pain (hips pop in and out a lot) and have terrible migraines and depression but I expected them to say no but dh is much worse than me.

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