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to be really cheesed off by this?

(58 Posts)
winkywinkola Mon 27-Jan-14 18:22:34

Dh working from home.

I give dcs their supper. Homemade meatballs, hidden veg sauce and orzo.

They eat it all but ds2 (aged 4) complains its spicy but wants more meatballs and sauce. Eh? He's not finished his orzo anyway.

Dh decides to give them all one of those tins of Peppa Pig pasta on top of what they've had.

Why? I feel like he completely undermines me by doing this. I gave them 4 large meatballs each. They had plenty of home cooked food, one child says it's too spicy and he gives them this shit stuff. Why? Isn't that just saying mum'a food isn't good enough, here you are have this instead.

I feel like he does this all the time to try and be Father Christmas dad. Lots of sweets, makes cakes every day for them (ready mix stuff which is fine) but not every day.

Everything I try and do I feel like is somehow not exciting enough and he will up the ante.

We can't work as a team in this way.

winkywinkola Mon 27-Jan-14 18:23:21

And of course it's not about the extra pasta. Well it is but it's just indicative of his behaviour. IMO.

winkywinkola Mon 27-Jan-14 19:13:10


bodygoingsouth Mon 27-Jan-14 19:17:09

have you told him? he works from home, sending some issues here?

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Mon 27-Jan-14 19:17:11

I am hesitant to type this cos its going to sound really patronising and it's not meant to, honestly!
But have you sat down with him and explained how you feel and discussed the important parenting things and agreed how to handle them and above all elsr, the importance of the united front?

He is their dad. He isnt their mate and he shouldnt try to be.

winkywinkola Mon 27-Jan-14 19:24:12

I've told him over and over.

He just doesn't understand.

It's just a tin of pasta. Which he bought. Why?

It's just sweeties/ cupcakes etc.

I mean when ds1 was little baby I asked dh not to give him juice. I walked back into house five minutes later having forgotten something, ds1 is having juice from a sippy cup and refused water from then on.

The dcs adore him. Of course, he's their dad but he constantly has to be the fun, sugar toting one.

It really pisses me off. Had an almighty row about it and he said I was just being a bitch about a tin of pasta.

Arealmanithink Mon 27-Jan-14 19:27:25


curiousuze Mon 27-Jan-14 19:37:34

Did he really call you a bitch? That's harsh. You both need to come to a compromise on this - could you agree to one crappy meal a week, and maybe two nights of puddings he's in charge of?

Scholes34 Mon 27-Jan-14 20:03:13

Teach him how to make a proper cake, not from a packet. Far too sweet and yuck!

brettgirl2 Mon 27-Jan-14 20:07:18

yanbu don't know know what to suggest.

UriGeller Mon 27-Jan-14 20:10:27

Don't buy the stuff. I can't think of anything else to say.

DP and I are constantly having "what do you think if..." Conversations where we figure out our 3yo ds's behaviours and tantrums, reasoning and agreeing on plans. You both need to be on the same side. Has he any interest in child psychology or nutrition? I find men (sorry to generalise) grasp things better if there's a science angle.

Stick to your guns though. You're the one in the right by trying to give your dcs a healthy diet.

DameFanny Mon 27-Jan-14 20:14:05

Yanbu. Can you get him reading the labels and looking at the hidden sugars? Does he want his children to be at anincreased risk of obesity and heart problems?

winkywinkola Mon 27-Jan-14 20:58:51

He just wants to make the dcs happy. He was overweight as a child. Dieted as a child too. He's fine now in terms of weight.

I've just been shopping after having out all dcs to bed. I've come back to find eldest 2 up and messing around with him in the kitchen. They were very tired this am because of another late night last night. Why didn't he send them up to bed again?

I get them to bed by 7.30pm. The eldest two are 8 and 6. They get up at 6 sharp no matter what time they go to bed hence the need for them to get to bed at a reasonable hour. They look wretched and are pretty vile otherwise.

I'm sick of my every turn wrt parenting being the opposite to him.

I don't think we can carry on as a team tbh.

kelpeed Mon 27-Jan-14 21:13:12

wot Uri said. dont have stuff like that in the house. make it harder for your dh.

winkywinkola Mon 27-Jan-14 21:17:05

I don't buy it. HE buys it.

kelpeed Mon 27-Jan-14 21:18:40

slow typing.

can you just hide or give away what he does buy? your locL library could have some books on child behaviour nutrition. put thesein front of him, read bits put.

for the late nights, can you get him to take over the next days caring?

winkywinkola Mon 27-Jan-14 21:27:15

Right. I will simply take the stuff back to the supermarket when I see it. Or donate it.

In the mornings he's usually off to the city from 7.30am. So he's not that involved in getting them.

I just feel like parenting is bloody hard work, trying to get even the basic like bedtimes and good meals sorted. I find it stressful at the best of times and when he's acting like Mr Bountiful, it's even more tricky.

My eldest totally recognises what is happening and plays on it. If I say no then he'll go straight to his dad to ask.

Overall I think it's v bad for the dcs.

It sounds trivial but it really upsets me. Is he so insecure that he needs to be their friend?

diddl Mon 27-Jan-14 21:27:44

What was "eh" about one wanting more meatballs and sauce?
I can't see the problem with giving extra food tbh.

Was there no more home cooked left?

kelpeed Mon 27-Jan-14 21:28:32

yanbu, it is infuriating not to mention bizarre what he does.

you are not asking for the moon in asking your dh to be on the same page. it seems quite disrespectful of him to undermine you by undoing eating and sleeping habits, especiLly as you have them in bed and winding down, and eating healthy food.

it seems as if he is trying to compete with yourather than work with you as a team. can you get some sort of counselling together to work out how to work together?

diddl Mon 27-Jan-14 21:31:55

Obvs it's a problem when you say no & he gives in.
Mine knew that that wouldn't work but would sometimes tell my husband that I had said it was up to him when in fact I had already said no.
That didn't last long, though!

winkywinkola Mon 27-Jan-14 21:34:44

Diddl, ds2 had pasta and sauce left on plate. Ample. No prob with extra food but he didn't need it.

diddl Mon 27-Jan-14 21:39:57

But why couldn't he have had more meatballs if there were some?

I do think that doing the pasta sauce thing was odd of your husband though.

If the meal has all gone and someone is still hungry, there's bread/toast, yogurts or fruit.

ArtexMonkey Mon 27-Jan-14 21:39:58

It's shit having to be Bad Cop all the time. How it goes in our house, I go 'come on now dh you're making me be Bad Cop AGAIN FFS, it's not fair, ds/dd needs to go to sleep/ do homework/ tidy up and you need to back me up cos it's fucking hard work'

And he goes 'oh sorry I didn't realise' and backs me up until the next time obviously and my point is, I promise there is one, is it is a genuine mistake on his part and he knows I am always right we need to be a team.

Your dh sounds like he is being a bit of a nob about it. Is he passive aggressive/disrespectful in other ways? Like, say if he needs to be up and you don't, is he quiet, or does he put all the lights on and open and shut the wardrobe 47 times? Stuff like that?

winkywinkola Mon 27-Jan-14 21:42:07

There were no more meatballs. He's had 4 big ones. I wanted him to eat the hidden veg sauce and pasta. Balance and all that. I don't really think this is the point though tbh.

winkywinkola Mon 27-Jan-14 21:43:39

I can't parent with him around.

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