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Am I or is DH? Keeping our ELCS date a secret.

(380 Posts)
Writerwannabe83 Mon 27-Jan-14 08:36:06

I'm having an ELCS in a few months and me and DH know the date it is booked for. I have always said from the start that I'd like to keep the date a secret so that it is something just he and I share and that in the days leading up to it we aren't going to get stress/questions/attention from family members and friends about it. I'm nervous enough about the procedure without having other people turning it into a big deal and projecting their issues and thoughts on tome.

I said to my DH I want it to be that the first anyone knows about baby being born is when we ring them afterwards to tell them - I just want the experience of 'breaking the news', that enjoyment of telling people he's been born and hearing their reactions and feeling like there is some magic to it all. I don't want it to be that everyone knows he's coming on a particular date and so are pretty nonchalant about it when we make the call. I want his arrival to have some sense of excitement and unpredictability. DH was fine about it and when people have asked us when the CS is booked for we have given them a fake date smile

However, it came up in conversation yesterday again and it seems my DH misunderstood me and is under the impression that although we are giving out this fake date, on the actual morning of the CS we will ring his parents and tell them we are on our way to hospital to have it done. He told me his parents will be really, really upset if the birth is something we keep from them as it's nothing they have been part of before. He said his parents will want to be there with us. I explained that with an ELCS we will be on a ward, followed by theatre and followed by recovery - all areas where his parents can't be anyway!! I also explained that visiting hours aren't till 6pm at night so they couldn't see the baby until then anyway so why do they need to know first thing in the morning? Why can't we just tell them afterwards and excitedly break our news? He said they would probably want to book the day off work and just be at the hospital all day just to 'be there' when it's happening. WTH? Would anyone really do this?? Sit in a hospital canteen for 11 hours minimum with no guarantee they could even see the baby?? (I.e if I go to theatre late and don't come back from recovery until visiting hours have passed anyway).

Anyway, the conversation got a bit heated - but he is adamant they will be so, so upset if we 'keep it from them' I think he used the term 'lie to the ' until after the baby is born. I just think he's over reacting and turning this into some kind of drama that it doesn't have to be. It's not like I'm giving birth to Jesus Christ and it's going to be an amazing moment in history that can't be missed.... grin

Me and DH are fine, we haven't fell out over it or anything but the issue has been left unresolved. He wants to tell his parents and I don't. I think he's going way OTT and he probably thinks I'm being unfair.

diddl Fri 07-Feb-14 07:57:45

Could also be that much as she wants to see the baby, she doesn't want to bother you just after surgery iyswim.

Well, good heavens, a sensible & dare I say considerate MIL?

Writerwannabe83 Fri 07-Feb-14 08:42:13

Who knew they excisted diddl?! smile

Writerwannabe83 Fri 07-Feb-14 09:12:17

Eek what an unforgivable spelling mistake I just made grin

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Fri 07-Feb-14 14:20:33

Ditch the H, keep the PIL.

Writerwannabe83 Fri 07-Feb-14 16:14:02

grin grin

I just think my DH was very delusional about what the birth meant to other people - hopefully he has now realised that although to us it is going to be amazing, to everyone else it's just something 100's of women do every day and does not really justify a hospital vigil grin

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