Re DH's friends wedding

[Juno77]

DH friend is getting married later in the year. DH is the best man. I am due to give birth 6 weeks prior to the wedding.

DH is going away on stag weekend (abroad) when child is 3 weeks old. I don't mind this, but it is a factor in my current annoyance.

Wedding is in a really fancy hotel, about 50 miles from where we live. We aren't planning to bring the children anyway.

We were planning to stay 2 nights in fancy hotel, as DH has plans with the groom and other friends the day/evening before. I was happily going to relax in the hotel, maybe go to the spa, go for a nice walk, just relax child free. Spend the night together, and wake up on the morning of the wedding and take my time getting ready, relaxing breakfast by myself etc.

DH friend has now told him he's booked them a room for the night before (along with a third friend). So, DH is staying the night before, and I will just have to sort myself out in the morning and make my own way to the hotel, already dressed for the wedding (as check in is too late to get ready there).

I'm pissed off. AIBU? And if so, should I be pissed with DH? Is it really his fault? Should he say no, or should we be more accommodating to the plans of the groom?

For the purposes of not drip feeding;

1. It's over £200 a night so I don't want to spend that on a room for the night before, by myself.
2. I'm not friendly with the bride at all

[bumbleymummy]

Do you think you'll be able to leave your 6 week old for 2 nights?

[lunar1]

Will the baby be with you?

[FortyDoorsToNowhere]

I just wouldn't go.

[Juno77]

Yes, that's not the problem.

The problem is we were meant to be staying 2 nights. Now I've been told DH is staying 2 nights, I'm only staying one.

I'm pissed off but I don't know who at. Him? Friend? The situation?

[Juno77]

Oh I can't not go! It's his best friends wedding!

No children are attending the wedding.

[Nomama]

Don't go. It is obviously a bloke's do and the menfolk aren't thinking straight.

So just don't go. Stay at home, have a girl's night in. Pizza and homemade face masks.....

[petalsandstars]

Or 4 week old. C section and not able to drive?

[Juno77]

There's no question of my attendance at the wedding.

I will be going.

I will not be taking children.

If I feel I still can't drive, I will be able to get a lift there.

[Juno77]

My issue is AIBU to be pissed off that we were meant to be staying 2 nights and now DH is but I am not.

[bumbleymummy]

true petal - how would you get there if that was the case Juno?

Why not book a weekend away for the two of you when the baby is a bit older as something to look forward to?

[Juno77]

Should be fine to drive as it's 6 weeks after the section. But if not I can get a lift.

[bumbleymummy]

I don't think it's that big a deal tbh. I think two nights away from a 4-6 week old is a bit unreasonable anyway. I would book a weekend for the two of you in the future where you can spend time together rather than him running around doing wedding things.

[pussycatdoll]

Yanbu
Your dh obviously doesn't give a crap :(

[CoffeeTea103]

Tbh I would be more concerned about leaving my baby than worrying about how many nights my DH is spending away for the wedding.

[expatinscotland]

Why doesn't your DH tell his mate no, he will go for one night.

[NotJustACigar]

YANBU, I would be upset at DH for not putting you first as a brand new mum in all this. He should have told is friend no, that he would be staying in a room with you the night before as previously agreed.

[petalsandstars]

If you're not planning on bf then obviously someone else can feed baby but ime I was planning on going to a concert when my pfb was 3mo. My ticket got sold as I just couldn't leave baby. Babes in arms are usually accepted as they are not going to be running around.

[Juno77]

To clarify..

Leaving a 6 week old for 2 nights is of no consequence. This isn't a pfb. I've done it before, I'll do it again, the relevance of mentioning the children aren't coming is that I was looking forward to a nice relaxing night in the hotel the night before.

Now DH is staying with the groom, we will only stay together one night. So I have to get myself ready and get out to the wedding venue, with luggage, on the morning of the wedding because he's staying the night before.

And I am really annoyed.

It's not about us having a weekend together - we have others planned. It's just that I feel like the groom doesn't take my feelings into account at all when planning his fucking wedding.

But AIBU? Because, why should he care about me? Or, should DH say no, because he needs/wants to spend the night with me? Or am I being precious?

[NuggetofPurestGreen]

To actually answer the question you've asked Juno I think your DP should say no you are coming for two nights and he wants to spend the night with you. It's not going to make any difference to the activities as you were happy to spend the day on your own anyway.

I'm not clear on why this hasn't happened? Does your DP think he should stay in the room with the friend?

[ENormaSnob]

How much is this wedding costing you?

I would be pissed off tbh.

[WooWooOwl]

I don't think you should be pissed off at any of them, it's perfectly reasonable for a groom to want to spend the night before the wedding with his best man.

DH and I are in a similar situation with an upcoming wedding, except it's me that the MOH. We booked two nights at the hotel before I knew whether the bride would want me to stay with her the night before, but it was assumed from the start that on that weekend I'd be wherever the bride wanted me to be, because that's what Matrons of honour (and best men) do.

[Juno77]

Will add.

Children are invited to the wedding.

When I said 'no children are attending' I meant none of mine. I don't want to take them, I want to go and relax and enjoy myself.

[MmeMorrible]

OP is this your first DC? If so, please be prepared that whatever you decide to do now e.g. leaving the baby for 2 nights,more arrive that you attend etc. you might well feel quite differently once the baby is born.

[choirmum]

I don't think it's for us to comment on OP's decision to leave her baby - that's not what she's asking. I think your DH should yake the lead here and say that he'll stay the night before the wedding but in a room with you. YANBU.

[mumbaisapphirebluespruce]

I'm not sure I fully understand. Who is telling you that you can't stay two nights? Have you already booked the room? If you have already booked can't you just tell the groom that you are both booked in, but DH will be 100% available to the groom the day/night before, meanwhile you can do all the things you wanted such as spa etc. Presumably DH will be eating with the groom the night before, so you could continue to enjoy your child free time, order some room service or maybe take yourself off to the local cinema and watch a film. DH can then sleep in the same room as you and you can both get up and get ready the next morning. Surely that is ok?