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To not want friends to come to mine for a reunion?

(534 Posts)
TheDietStartsTomorrow Sun 26-Jan-14 10:51:51

This is more of a WWYD than a AIBU, but here goes:

There's 6 of them coming over with kids and a few husbands too. They're my friends from uni and I've kept in touch with all of them over the years, some more than others. There have been times times when we've fallen out of touch for a few months or a year. They're not my closest friends; I hung around with another bunch but these were my classmates so I was on good terms wih them. I like them but to be honest, I don't love them.

There are a few who I have also fallen out with over the years and made up with again. One in particular, I'm not very fond of. But one night on whatsapp, we all started talking about meeting up and I went along with it. They decided on my house, so I agreed at the time because I didn't know how to refuse. I rearranged the date because they wanted to come that very weekend and it wasn't convenient for me and neither was the next weekend so they finally settled on this week. I was trying to put it off as long as I could.

Now, there's a few reasons I'm not looking forward to it. Firstly, they expect me to cook them a fantastic multi course meal. There are at least 7 kids coming too. The friend who I'm not particularly fond of has a tendency to expect things. She wants it to be a great weekend and is just expecting me to pull out all the stops. Not only that, she is very, very nosey and opens cupboards and drawers and sticks her head round every door. She's always commented on how my house is and although she tends to be complimentary in her choice of words, I feel it's all a fake. At the moment, my house is in a bit of a state: kitchen unit doors falling off, scribbled walls, no sofa in living room, carpets need changing etc. I can just imagine the comments.

Not only that, but she is loud, brash and generally very excitable. I don't particularly like being around her.

My weekends are very precious to me. I work throughout the week because with children, I spend the weekend recuperating as well as getting things done for the week. Having said that, I do entertain a lot of guests. But most, if not all of these, I enjoy having them over. They don't expect anything, they don't poke their noses in places and nor are they demanding in other ways.

I've been cleaning all week in preparation for them but there is still much to do. I don't mind the cleaning- I was due a spring clean anyway, but I'm feeling a bit of resentment towards them. I can't make an excuse and cancel without them seeing right through it. Although I don't particularly love them, I don't want to lose all the friendships either by cancelling on them. I can't deal with the negativity that would bring.

One thing I do know though is that if we were meeting at any of their homes, they wouldn't be very keen on it. Everyone's a little selfish, including me I guess, and it's just a free weekend away for some.

I'm not normally such a miser. If it was my closest group of friends from university, I'd love to have them over. They're kind, gracious, loving and non judgmental and I love them all.

So what do I do? Shall I just grin and bear it because it's just a weekend or do I have any way out of it without spoiling my relationship with them?

Avalon Sun 26-Jan-14 11:28:41

YANBU. And there's plenty of time to make alternative arrangements.

D and V is diarrhoea and vomiting.

TheDietStartsTomorrow Sun 26-Jan-14 11:28:46

MardyBra that's what's keeping me from cancelling. I feel I agreed to it initially, albeit quite quietly and very obviously reluctantly, so it's rude of me to pull out.

Anyway, in the last 5 mins they've all decide amongst themselves that they're staying over. The awkward friend has also told everyone not to worry because 'TheDiet has a lovely big six bedroomed posh house and is the best cook ever.' She added that she can't wait to eat all the lovely different things I'm going to cook. hmm

brettgirl2 Sun 26-Jan-14 11:31:52

They can't bring something because they are going somewhere first? What a f**** liberty.

You need to man up op and tell them you've changed your mind as it's too much.

YouStayClassySanDiego Sun 26-Jan-14 11:32:25

If you need an excuse tell them dh is coming back from a work trip so that weekend has becme inconvenient.

Then don't commit to anything else.

Saying no is good for you.

Don't be guilt tripped either.

woooooooobooo Sun 26-Jan-14 11:32:56

A quick message claiming the bath/roof whatever has sprung a leak and caused a ceiling to collapse therefore unfortunately you obviously cannot possibly manage to host especially with dh being abroad as there's noone home all week to arrange workmen. Then ask who is able to host so everyone's weekend isn't wasted grin

I'm sure everyone will suddenly be busy etc

woooooooobooo Sun 26-Jan-14 11:33:44

A quick message claiming the bath/roof whatever has sprung a leak and caused a ceiling to collapse therefore unfortunately you obviously cannot possibly manage to host especially with dh being abroad as there's noone home all week to arrange workmen. Then ask who is able to host so everyone's weekend isn't wasted grin

I'm sure everyone will suddenly be busy etc

YouStayClassySanDiego Sun 26-Jan-14 11:33:51

Just read your last post.

Fuck that!!

Cancel it now, that cheeky butch!

Hoppinggreen Sun 26-Jan-14 11:34:35

Add me to your whatsapp group - I'll tell the freeloading bastards for you!!!

NuggetofPurestGreen Sun 26-Jan-14 11:34:40

6 bedrooms doesn't sound like it's enough for the number coming. There's still time to cancel it's another week away. I see where you're coming from with the fact that you already agreed but that doesn't mean you can't change your mind. Other people do that all the time and get away with it.

Just say sorry it doesn't suit, your husband is only home Saturday morning, too busy blah blah.

SecretWitch Sun 26-Jan-14 11:35:04

Op, you need to make the decision you can live with. If this were happening to me, I would be filled with resentment and bile. I would be agonizing over the cost, not just financial but emotional as well. Someone pointed out earlier, these people are using you for free room and board. I would give this a hard think..

brettgirl2 Sun 26-Jan-14 11:35:09

Don't make an excuse. Use fb/ text, announce that you're really sorry but it's just going to be too much. Maybe we can rearrange a different date at a neutral venue. End of, if they don't like it then bin them. Making excuses isn't dealing with the issue.

Lavenderhoney Sun 26-Jan-14 11:36:33

What's app and say you've since discussed with your dh and due to the building work going on, it won't be possible.

Suggest a hotel that does a big Sunday lunch prepaid and book it.

If anyone moans or says another weekend, just say no, sorry, we can't do it until the work is done, so there has to be another solution. Its sounds a nightmare tbh.

Suggest a camping festival in the summer over a weekend with dc ( a child friendly one)

brettgirl2 Sun 26-Jan-14 11:36:34

You might have agreed but the lazy fuckers can't even be arsed to bring a salad. You have nothing to feel bad about.

BloominNora Sun 26-Jan-14 11:37:56

Cancel and say that you've been puking all night and clearly have a very nasty tummy bug that you wouldn't want to pass on.

Suggest they move their get together to the cheeky mares house!

expatinscotland Sun 26-Jan-14 11:37:56

This is when you grow a backbone and write back, 'sorry, all. DH is just coming back from work trip then. There will be no weekend stay here. We need to find a venue to all attend.' Then they will all be busy.

I would be fizzin' if I were your husband, tbh, that my wife just invited a huge group into our home when I'm coming back from a long trip without even running it by me.

bakingaddict Sun 26-Jan-14 11:38:33

Agree with secretwitch text them saying due to time constraints I have decided to book a table at a local restaurant and give a list of b and b's. If you really have to have them to stay it would be toast and cereal for the kids and then going to your local caff. Deliberately don't have much food in the house. Say gosh i've had such a busy week at work I haven't had a chance to do anything.

Hopefully then they wouldn't suggest this kind of meet-up again

pigletmania Sun 26-Jan-14 11:38:58

Look say its not convenient you don't have the space or facilities. They are extremely rude assuming you will put them up and cater for them all, you are not a hotel. Others saying they won't bring a dish would be the icing on the cake. E mail them saying that you don't have the facilities or room to cater for such a lot of people, look up hotels in the area and put the details in the email, and suggest some nice places to eat that you could go to.

woooooooobooo Sun 26-Jan-14 11:40:38

Just read your last post. How rude. Sound like total freeloaders. If you let this happen you'll have amiserable weekend and totally resent them. Plus your poor dh has been abroad and if anything like mine he'll just want to chill nevermind putting up with a house full of people he doesn't know well whilst watching them eat his food, drink his drink and have his dw skivvying after them.

Please just say no it's too much. If they are real friends they will realise and won't hold it against you.

Branleuse Sun 26-Jan-14 11:40:51

Tell them that you feel like you've been railroaded into this and that they're taking the piss badly.

Nanny0gg Sun 26-Jan-14 11:41:34


I don't think so. (bar the one that offered to bring dessert).

candycoatedwaterdrops Sun 26-Jan-14 11:42:30

What the actual fuck?! These people are taking the piss. I agree, just tell the truth and say no.

expatinscotland Sun 26-Jan-14 11:42:51

They are not friends at all. They are freeloading gits. Cannot imagine going to someone's house not even bring a fucking dish.

Get rid.

ArtexMonkey Sun 26-Jan-14 11:44:43

Fgs just say no.that is too many people to have in one house. You need somewhere like this, between 7 families that's not expensive.

"I can't bring any food I'm doing x first"

"Oh what a shame, let's make it another time --ie never--"

theghostinthewashingmachine Sun 26-Jan-14 11:46:28

Totally agree you should cancel. Just say you've been talking to your DH and as he's getting back from a trip that weekend you can't have people over - would one of them like to host it instead or should you book a table out for lunch?

Either they will go along with it (fine) or they will not speak to you again, which doesn't sound like it would be a major loss.

TyrannosaurusBex Sun 26-Jan-14 11:46:34

Have I got this straight, you initially told them they were welcome to stay and haven't said anything to contradict that? (Sorry if I've missed something.) I used to have terrible difficulty saying no, until I realised that people tend not to mind the 'no' if it's delivered early on, before arrangements are made. This is madly unhelpful at this point, I do see.

I sympathise, things like this have happened to me - I had an unwanted houseguest just this week, although that was DH's fault.

I would use the fact of your husband returning from a trip to cancel. Would he mind being portrayed as an ogre for a good cause?

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